Can I stop him going

badgerhead

justout of interested what arm or unit is he

susan1105

Hi he is in the RLC transport he did tell me which Regular part they are attached to but I have forgotten, I did feel a little bit better when he said he would be in a base and not on patrol, I know he is my ex but as the the father of my children and someone I spent so much of my life with I would never wish any harm to come to him, you dont just stop caring for some one when they leave.

His girlfriend is in her early twentys and I know she has never looked after all three by her self, as their mum I could not leave them with her.

I know when I first met ex you have would be suprised how many people join the TA as a hobbie they get their HGV licence, a social life and paid for it, most did not think they would ever get called up, and when people we knew did we where surprised how many tried to get out of it, as I have said being called up to what he has been trained for is something I did not have issue with it was the mainly the fact that he volunteered and had not talked it thur with me before or after, not a text as I did get

dmg24

susan1105 wrote: »

Hi he is in the RLC transport he did tell me which Regular part they are attached to but I have forgotten, I did feel a little bit better when he said he would be in a base and not on patrol, I know he is my ex but as the the father of my children and someone I spent so much of my life with I would never wish any harm to come to him, you dont just stop caring for some one when they leave.

His girlfriend is in her early twentys and I know she has never looked after all three by her self, as their mum I could not leave them with her.

I know when I first met ex you have would be suprised how many people join the TA as a hobbie they get their HGV licence, a social life and paid for it, most did not think they would ever get called up, and when people we knew did we where surprised how many tried to get out of it, as I have said being called up to what he has been trained for is something I did not have issue with it was the mainly the fact that he volunteered and had not talked it thur with me before or after, not a text as I did get

Have you looked at getting some counselling? He is not your husband anymore, yet you still expect him to act as if he is. It seems like this issue has just highlighted the fact that you have not moved forward since the break up.

ekkygirl

I would be fizzing at his selfish attitude. If he was in the regular forces and has no choice it would be different. He is volunteering to go on a tour of duty where he could be killed in a war we should not even be involved in. He is selling his kids up the swanny for a dangerous adventure.
I have every sympathy with regular forces who are sent there and their families. This is not a dig at them but they signed up for that possiility.

mumps

intranicity wrote: »

Glad that doesn't apply to ex wives.....

So, are you saying that Members of the Armed Forces shouldn't have children? GROW UP, at least despite choosing to want to go and do his bit even the OP says he's a good dad, maybe his kids are proud that daddy wears a uniform and has some pride, I'm sure they would love to have daddy around every day, but sadly, thats not the reality for many children, but at least he is around most of the time, unlike some waster fathers who just leave a trail of children and have no contact and pay no money. He is a good dad from all accounts and he is a member of the Armed Forces, TA isn't a Saturday and Sunday job, it is a part of the regular forces

Shame when people can't disagree but still remember their manners, I hate rudeness. It might interest you to know that my husband was injured doing his bit for Queen and country wearing his uniform. I sat with my son just a few days old on my lap as we were told there was no treatment for him and he would have to live with his paralysis and that because of the nature of the injury it would get worse i.e. spread so that the paralysis would move up from his legs. My son never got to play football with his dad, never got carried round by him and learned to help look after him when he was still in primary school. Is he proud? Probably but he is also sad and resentful at what he missed. In case you think this is a convenient tale to come up with look at my old posts, I have referred to it more than once.

Is OP selfish maybe. Is her ex? Well he went off with a teenager and left her with a five year old and two year old twins, what do you think?

13Kent

Ex has now stated that as he is an Sgt that there is six of them that has volunteered and only one needed


Ex's girlfriend was kind to offer but boys never mention her, its like she is an after thought when they discuss the weekends events. She works in retail and is in the TA and to be honest I would not take up offer.

It appears that he only has a one in 6 chance of going if there are 6 volunteers and only one place needed, so maybe you are worrying yourself unneccesarily and he won't actually go anyway. Perhaps it won't happen. When will you know for definite?

Just as an aside, maybe your children don't mention his girlfriend because they don't want to hurt your feelings - even young children can be surprisingly sensitive to these things. I'm sure she wouldn't have offered to help with them if she didn't feel that she had a good relationship with them - I don't think anyone would volunteer to look after someone elses children if they did not get on with them. However under the circumstances I can quite understand why you would not wish to leave them with her.

herewegoagain2010

ekkygirl wrote: »

I have every sympathy with regular forces who are sent there and their families. This is not a dig at them but they signed up for that possiility.

I'm a little confused by this , so can you explain what you think the TA is? There was me thinking they'd also signed up to fight for the country or is the TA all coffee mornings and sand bag filling?

mumps

intranicity wrote: »

Mumps, if telling you to grow up is rude, forgive my manners.

I also know exactly what it's like and what it's like for a son loosing out on playing football with his dad, I too was injured at the age of 25, medically discharged at 27 and now am on a Service Attributable Pension, War Pension, War Pensioners Unemployability Supplement, War Pensioners Mobility Allowance, War Pensioners Invalidity Allowance, War Pensioners Comforts Allowance and War Pensioners Child Allowance, not comparing injuries, just saying I DO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, and how this can affect kids!

As to the point that he ran off with a teenager and left his ex wife and kids, HE HASN"T ABANDONED THEM! He keeps it contact, pays money for them and helps his ex wife with child minding, personally I think that he is doing more than a lot of men? What the hell has that got to do with the price of Tea, or are you judging him for deciding that he didn't want to remain in a marriage?

If he didn't take his kids with him he left them, nice that he stays in touch with them and all credit to him for that but however much adults like to kid themselves that the kids will be okay with it divorce and separation does hurt. I agree he does more than alot of men but don't you think that is more a reflection on the behaviour of those men? I brought up about him leaving as people are giving his ex a hard time for being selfish but she is entitled to a life as well, she didn't end the marriage.

I understand about military life but I do think that a man who is living apart from his children, who has already caused them to deal with him leaving to be with his new lady (who might be lovely and love the kids but they would still like to come first) has now decided that he is choosing (remember he has volunteered for this) to leave them a second time. However people like to dress it up that is going to be hard on the kids. Earlier I think you said (sorry if it was someone else) that the children were too young to be very concerned about this. I remember my brother as an eight year old when my father was dying, don't underestimate how much children of this age worry.

I hope you and your children are coping with everything, it is hard on everyone and I hope you get lots of help, not just financial because that is just the start of it, isn't it.

Sorry forgot to say, apology accepted. I forgot my manners there.

susan1105

Hi there everyone did not know when I posted on Thursday when I was very upset that it would start up such a debate.

If he goes, he goes we will deal not something I had planned for but life changes.

I will make sure that if he does go that the boys are proud of him, I do think that the armed forces are doing a great job trying to bring peace in the area, I read with great interest last week how they helping bringing school's back for the children, there are so many people there who can not read. Being given the chance of an education can change a persons life give them hope to have careers and in so doing will help their country in turn in the future.

susan

ekkygirl

herewegoagain2010 wrote: »

I'm a little confused by this , so can you explain what you think the TA is? There was me thinking they'd also signed up to fight for the country or is the TA all coffee mornings and sand bag filling?

Signed up to fight for the country If needed; volunteering is something else.