Can I stop him going

intranicity

mumps wrote: »

OK, I didn't notice it had been edited. Just wondered how you feel about the children's view? I think both parents should put them first. I could understand parents volunteering to go to war if we were being attacked but I do feel for these little boys and all the little ones who know their parents are away for months and in danger.

I do understand, I deployed in the First Gulf War, was injured and suffered from it ever since, and my kids paid the price too.

Sadly though, the military isn't really a place to pick and choose what you do or where you go, you sign on the line and do your duty. Yes, OP's EX husband is a reservist, but he's needed and he feels he needs to do his duty.

It is awful for kids when mum or dad goes away, but sadly, thats life in the military, hence the need for things like the Military Covenant, it's a totally different type of job, you loose lots of rights that normal people take for granted, but you do it because you feel it's right for you

mumps

intranicity wrote: »

I do understand, I deployed in the First Gulf War, was injured and suffered from it ever since, and my kids paid the price too.

Sadly though, the military isn't really a place to pick and choose what you do or where you go, you sign on the line and do your duty. Yes, OP's EX husband is a reservist, but he's needed and he feels he needs to do his duty.

It is awful for kids when mum or dad goes away, but sadly, thats life in the military, hence the need for things like the Military Covenant, it's a totally different type of job, you loose lots of rights that normal people take for granted, but you do it because you feel it's right for you

But he is volunteering, I understand about the military my father, grandfathers and uncles served in Navy, Army and RAF between them but these children have been through the family break up and dad is now wanting to go off and do what he feels he needs to do but is he thinking of them? More importantly will they feel he is thinking of them?

intranicity

Agreed, but I get the impression the OP isn't making things easy.

Still thats a side issue. She say's he's volunteered, but it's also likely that his unit is asking for volunteers, he has the kids during the day times to, maybe the guys unemployed and this is a chance to earn some money etc etc

I feel for the OP and the kids, but I still think she was/is being selfish, original post was, I'll have no freedom, won't be able to go out, won't be able to find a man, and the kids were a side issue, I'm sure there is more to it on both sides, But I think she was selfish and nothing will change that, I just hope he has a safe tour and has mage all the arangements incase things go wrong

tomitma

mumps wrote: »

But he is volunteering, I understand about the military my father, grandfathers and uncles served in Navy, Army and RAF between them but these children have been through the family break up and dad is now wanting to go off and do what he feels he needs to do but is he thinking of them? More importantly will they feel he is thinking of them?

He may well be volunteering, but you don't join the TA's just to play soldiers at weekends and two weeks summercamp, they are part of the armed forces, and the TA's are there as back up for the full timers. The OP is being really selfish, she is not thinking about the children, she is thinking about herself, and not being able to do what she wants. I am surprised that being an ex-army wife, she can even have the gall to come on this board and complain about it.

I too am an ex-army daughter, and wife, after spending 40 years of my life around army life, you know that when it comes to duty, the wives and children come second. They didn't join up to play happy families.

The OP needs to take a look at herself, in the mirror, she may then see, what others are seeing of her, just by her making that posting. Pure selfishness.


You can clearly see why they are divorced, the posting is all ME ME ME

blue_monkey_2

But don't the army support wives and families when a husband is depoyed? Army wives and children have a roof over their heads when hubby is away on tour.

The Army do not support ex-partners as you all know. Ex-partners are usually working to pay to put a roof over the childrens heads and put food on the table using the ex-husband to help with the children when they do - her job could be evenings and weekends when dad is there to look after the kids. Take away that support and how does the OP work to put a roof over the childrens heads and food on the table? Money for childcare does not magically appear? People to help out do not magically appear? They won't suddenly give her benefits because her ex is away voluntarily.

The girlfriend said she will help out 'some' weekends - but what will the OP's boss say if she calls in and says she cannot work this week, and next week, then the week after? And how will she cope having no money?

Has they been married it would have been very different. Only they aren't, so things are very different in this situation. She could ask him for more money - but if he says no, what then? How does she bring her children up? She will have to give up her job, and if she does that, how will she house, feed and clothe her children?

Esoog

blue_monkey wrote: »

But don't the army support wives and families when a husband is depoyed? Army wives and children have a roof over their heads when hubby is away on tour.

The Army do not support ex-partners as you all know. Ex-partners are usually working to pay to put a roof over the childrens heads and put food on the table using the ex-husband to help with the children when they do - her job could be evenings and weekends when dad is there to look after the kids. Take away that support and how does the OP work to put a roof over the childrens heads and food on the table? Money for childcare does not magically appear? People to help out do not magically appear? They won't suddenly give her benefits because her ex is away voluntarily.

The girlfriend said she will help out 'some' weekends - but what will the OP's boss say if she calls in and says she cannot work this week, and next week, then the week after? And how will she cope having no money?

Has they been married it would have been very different. Only they aren't, so things are very different in this situation. She could ask him for more money - but if he says no, what then? How does she bring her children up? She will have to give up her job, and if she does that, how will she house, feed and clothe her children?

Don't be so bloody stupid, she said she'd have to do a few less hours in the evening, not prostitute herself to keep a roof over their heads.

herewegoagain2010

blue_monkey wrote: »

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She could ask him for more money - but if he says no, what then? How does she bring her children up? She will have to give up her job, and if she does that, how will she house, feed and clothe her children?

How would she manage if he did a sudden disappearing act, like so many absent father's in the UK? She'd have to get on with. He's paying maintenance and supporting his children, so as ex's go he's doing well.

As I've said in my previous post he had probably volunteered for this det knowing that he's due to go soon. Unfortunately, taking the queen's shilling either as a full-timer or TA means that at some point you'll leave the comfort of the UK and work within a war zone. My dad always says "It's a great job, when there's no wars" They've signed on the line, so why should anyone be exempt from serving, just because their ex has a wobbley about childcare!

I do sympathise with the OP, it's hard on your own with children, no family to help and a short notice det. However, someone has to defend our shores, whether you agree with our involvement in our current conflicts or not.

Why has he volunteered? I'm not a betting a person, but my money is on it something to do with the op bonus. I admit people don't always volunteer, but the new bonus is certainly a sweetener. It certainly would come in handy for pay for a wedding to a new partner or a holiday. It's food for thought and could cause the OP to be miffed?

herewegoagain2010

mumps wrote: »

but these children have been through the family break up and dad is now wanting to go off and do what he feels he needs to do but is he thinking of them? More importantly will they feel he is thinking of them?

The children are 9 and under, so to be honest they won't really have an opinion, unless the OP feels their heads with crap. They'll feel upset, uncertain and it will effect their day to day lives. With careful conversations, balanced with reason they will understand why daddy has gone away and find their own level of logic about the situation. There are currently thousands of children whose parents are currently on overseas deployment, so why would the OP's children be any different. My children know that their daddy is away, but they take pride in the fact he's serving the queen and country and that is just what daddy does. It's all to do with the perspective of the remaining parent.

tomitma

mumps wrote: »

But he is volunteering, I understand about the military my father, grandfathers and uncles served in Navy, Army and RAF between them but these children have been through the family break up and dad is now wanting to go off and do what he feels he needs to do but is he thinking of them? More importantly will they feel he is thinking of them?

I think you are living in a dream world, there are thousands of children in the armed forces families, they know that it is there fathers/mothers job, as I was growing up I saw my father for three months of the year, the children are used to this. If the children think that there father dosent care for them, it will be because the selfish OP has let them think this way. The OP has had it easy up til now, having there father to babysit and pay for then children, she needs to take a reality check, and think of all the other mothers and children out there, that never see there fathers, yet they are independent enough to run there own lives.

tomitma

susan1105 wrote: »

yes we may be divorced but as I said he does see a lot of the boys, alot of this is when I am in work, I will have to reduce my hours due the hours I do of an evening.

I understand that this is what he has trained for, I think it was more the fact that he had not considered the boys or myself in his decison and the out come it will have on us all.

Your ex-husband dosen't have to consider you, you are now his ex and he has made another life for his self, (as you have done) as to his children, he has a job to do, he didn't join the TA's for fun, your children are in the same position as thousands of other children who's parents go into service, does that mean that all the other parents that are serving abroad dont care about there children? You have a lot of growing up to do. Other parents manage, so why cant you?