Money in relationships

Gigglepig

zoeleigh wrote: »

Why should she change jobs? She might really lover her job.

Of course she might love her job and not want to change etc etc... But changing jobs may make sense from a financial point of view. The reason I suggest that she looks into it is that she could make more money and cut down on commuting costs, which would improve her financial situation

Zoetoes

Gigglepig wrote: »

Of course she might love her job and not want to change etc etc... But changing jobs may make sense from a financial point of view. The reason I suggest that she looks into it is that she could make more money and cut down on commuting costs, which would improve her financial situation

A change of partner sounds like a better idea to me and move back closer to her job.

It seems that she is expected to make all the changes to her life to fit in with his rather than them fit in with each other.

And I see what you mean but I don't think even then will her problem be solved.

pinkshoes

Tell him it's not fair you have to pay so much towards travel costs when you've moved closer to HIS work, and he has a company car, so you'd like him to either help you with the travel costs (i.e. pay the excess of what it used to cost you), OR move back closer to YOUR work.

He sounds rather controlling with money. I'd also not be happy about having all bills in your name, and him transferring the money just before they're due.

As a starting point, could you not suggest a joint bank account where you both pay in an equal amount each month?

Pinky120

Just wanted to say a massive thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

I have a lot to think about, and to be honest all your replies have made me realise I was right about feeling uneasy about the finances. My partner has some wonderful qualities, and in other respects he is a loving partner. However when it comes to money, he seems to want to hold onto it, possibly because he didnt have very much growing up.

We have on many occasions discussed joint bank accounts, however the situation would remain where I add in 50% of the bills, so wouldnt really be any better off.

I'm very much on the fence, I want more than anything to go travelling, and at this rate, it will be a few years away.

dark_lady

Dave101t is a perfect example of what i meant.
Like i said, a worrying trend.
I rest my case!

dark_lady

Thankyou tattycath for finding that old thread. I just couldnt remember what Lalaladybird had called that thread after all this time. Thanks.:beer:

kelloggs36

We just pool everything - we don't split any bills etc. We have a joint account in which both salaries and CTC and CB goes into - I have a savings account which he has access to as he knows the passcodes etc. It was only in my name because at the time I was at uni (mature student) and so was a non-tax payer and so we gained by not paying tax on the savings interest. I don't understand the concept of you pay this and I pay that if you are a couple. By all means, keep a separate account to save some money into but day to day living is just a mishmash of family stuff and should come out of the total household money IMO.

rach29

Pinky, I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is jumping out at me now is your wish to go travelling. Does your partner share this dream? He seems focussed on saving for a house. Is this an issue which is going to cause friction in future?

74jax

aliasojo wrote: »

I don't believe there is a 'right' way to manage couple finances but I do believe there is a 'fair' way and I don't think you and he have it.

I think this is a really good comment. Everyone can have a totally different set-up to everyone else, and it is what works for that particular couple.

Pinky120 wrote: »

When we go out for meals/drinks (which isnt very often) I still usually pay towards the evening. I'll either buy the drinks or give money towards the meal.

If he insists on 50/50 could you not take it in turns to pay, and when it's your turn you pay for 'cheaper' date nights? maybe homecooked meal and DVD?

Pinky120 wrote: »

I have a lot to think about, and to be honest all your replies have made me realise I was right about feeling uneasy about the finances. My partner has some wonderful qualities, and in other respects he is a loving partner. However when it comes to money, he seems to want to hold onto it, possibly because he didnt have very much growing up.

We have on many occasions discussed joint bank accounts, however the situation would remain where I add in 50% of the bills, so wouldnt really be any better off.

Pinky if you get the chance (and don't die of boredom reading it) I posted something so similar around June time last year. My OH earns about 3 times more than me and moved in with me last May......... oh the problems we had.

I was inundated with replies to my post, and some were very upsetting to read, basically because it wasn't what I wanted to hear!, but you don't post on a forum for people to agree with you most of the time, you want opinions and advice.

However, I sat down with my OH, went through it all and instead of 50/50 we agreed he pay 3/4 of the bills and I pay 1/4. So we basically pay the bill in proportion to the income we bring in.

He didn't see the fact I wasn't doing as much as him was down to the fact I didn't have disposable income whereas he did. Even now, I don't like the 'money' talks we have, but know it's not him who makes me feel this way, it's myself. He is open to talking about it, open to paying for us BOTH to do things that I can't afford. He would rather he paid for us to do something together (meal etc) than be home doing nothing. I do still pay, although it tends to be straight after payday when I can.......

From the excellent advice I was giving on here, I would suggest sitting down - bottle of wine (this was the best advice!) on the table - with all outgoings and both incomings. And working out who pays for what so that you can both save and have disposable income to spend on going out, either together or with friends. You might just have to bite the bullet and be blunt 'I cannot afford to pay 50/50 on bills and I cannot afford 50/50 when we go out all the time'. He might be like my OH and need it actually said to him.

Good luck and keep us informed.

Pinky120

rach29 wrote: »

Pinky, I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is jumping out at me now is your wish to go travelling. Does your partner share this dream? He seems focussed on saving for a house. Is this an issue which is going to cause friction in future?

My partner is a few years older than I am, and has been very fortunate to spent 6 months travelling the world. He has also done a lot of single trips. What I would say we have in common is that he would love to keep travelling, however as he has already taken the time out to do it, we would need to compromise with his job on when/how we could do it together.

But Im a long way off affording to do it. The money my partner is saving, is all for a house.