Money in relationships

elvis86

split_second wrote: »

surely finances in a couple are on a 'what works for the couple and no-one elses business' basis?

...unless they're actively seeking the opinions/advice of others on a public forum, surely..?:cool:

pinksleepybear

I know you wrote that you don't want to break up your relationship over the finances, but to me it seems that you just can't afford to be in the relationship as it stands.

If the situation continues, where will you be in a year's time? Still short of cash and struggling to save for your future? And at what point would this change? If you can't negotiate a change, would you still be scrimping in 5 years time?

I earn more than my OH and we keep our finances fairly separate, but I contribute more so that we can enjoy things together.

aliasojo

split_second wrote: »

surely finances in a couple are on a 'what works for the couple and no-one elses business' basis?

Point 1 - It's not working for the couple, only for one half of them.

Point 2 - The OP has come here for advice / other people's thoughts.

rachbc

He does sound like a bit of a prat tbh!

It doesn't matter how couples organise their finances as long as they are both happy with it but if you aren't then things have to change.

vesper

Myt OH earns at lesat three times as much as I do a month (I only work part time) but I pay about a third of the normal bills (rent, utilities) and he pays for the maintanence on the car (MOT,tax etc). It's my choice to pay that much even though it leaves me with very little spending money and he said for me to pay less. I also pay for the small bits and pieces we need in the house such as linen and towels and some cheap clothing for him. He pays for the large items we need and if I need some money for something for me, I just need to ask him.
It works pretty well for us and as I have been paying him (I pay him the money to cover the bills as I don't have a bank acc) more than he expects it has meant that he has been saving a lot of his wages, which has led us to be in a position to nearly have enough money for a deposit on a house.

Everyone is different. We talked about having a joint account and sharing it all, but right now it wouldn't work for us we felt.

Mrs_Arcanum

One solution may be to share the bills out rather than you paying all of them & him giving you half the money. Get a joint saving account into which you both save according to your means. So if you have extra travel expenses you save very little yet the money is being saved for both of you. At the moment it looks like he is saving for what he wants and you do not have enough to save for what you want.

Newly_retired

Currently DH has a much higher income than I do and is paying the larger share of the outgoings. We each keep our own bank accounts and what is left we can each spend on ourselves. I save a large proportion of mine and he knows this, whereas he spends on gadgets etc. So in the end it works well for us. There is total trust between us, which is important.
I am not sure that there is trust between the OP and her partner, nor that he shows respect for her having moved to be with him, involving more travel and expense.
In her position I would be considering the future with great care.

ladymarmalade1970

My OH and i have a joint bank account and also out own bank accounts. We have a budget for all our household expenses. This includes EVERYTHING for our home including wine for me and fags for him. Holiday and car payments etc. We pay a set amount in each. I pay slightly more than him (150) as i earn slightly more than him and they are my children not his. When he gets more money, such as a bonus, then he will pay a lump sum portion of that into our joint account. When we brought our holiday home last year i paid for half of it out of my account and we took the other half out of our savings as i didn't want to use up all out savings.
I think we have a very good relationship re money.
Without being mean i don't like the sound of your partners attitude to money and you. Given you have moved to be near him i think he should pay for at the very least the difference in travel costs.
My OH and i have 3 budgets in total, one for me and my personal finances, one for him and his personal finances and one for us. Can you not do the same with him? He will see then exactly how much you have to live on and you can agree a fair amount each to pay into a joint account that covers all your bills together.

stormCat99

When we first moved in together, we used to pay for what we spent, and split bills between us etc.

But after a few months this got very tiresome, and we were always 'owing' one another money.

So we soon learnt it was much easier to do everything jointly and not worry about it. That is how we have been ever since. I'm always surprised by people saying about how they have 'their' money, and 'his' money. Surely it is all one and the same if you are together?

Only exceptions I can think of are maybe where one of you has specific credit history issues but even though, you should be helping one another where possible.

When we left uni, I earned a lot more than my boyfriend (over 50% more). Apart from the inconvenience mentioned above of keeping anything separate, it would have been totally unfair of me to expect him to pay half for anything. And even splitting into uneven shares based on relative salaries seems ridiculous as it would only have made him feel bad about it I imagine and there really is little point in doing that.

Over the years, my salary has gradually increased at more of a 'normal' level, whereas his has more than quadrupled. So now the boot is on the over foot, he earns lots more than me. But neither of us have ever seen things as 'his' and 'mine' so it really isn't an issue.

We are together so we share and support one another. Why should money be any different?

barbiedoll

The thing that leapt out at me was OP paying half when they go out for a night. Surely if he is the bigger wage earner, he would pay for any "treats"?

OP, if I were you, next time a night out comes up, refuse to go because you can't afford it. If he goes out on his own then you really will know where you stand. I can agree with the 50/50 split on bills etc but still expecting you to pay your way on a date night? Sorry, but that doesn't sound like the actions of a loving, caring partner to me.