Money in relationships

libra10

Your OH comes across as being very selfish and inconsiderate to your needs.

It might be more fair if you each paid a percentage of your salaries towards bills. For example, if your salary was 2/3 of his, then you should only be responsible for paying 2/3 of the total of each bill.

If children come along it appears that he could be mean with money.

My OH has always earned more than I, yet all the money goes in joint accounts, and all bills are paid from that. Very old fashioned but it works for us.

I would show your OH this thread and he would realise how unfair he is being.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

split_second

aliasojo wrote: »

Point 1 - It's not working for the couple, only for one half of them.

Point 2 - The OP has come here for advice / other people's thoughts.

fair enough, i think i misworded it.

in my opinion i would want things as fair as possible, and everyones version of fair is different, some people have different attitudes to money to their partners, some want to save all the time while their partner wants all the luxury items they can afford. one of my friends moved in with his gf, she got things on the basis she can afford them and he has to pay half, she is now being a diva about wanting an engagement ring which he cannot afford- she earns double what he does but wont part with any of it

dearbarbie

when you buy a house will he contribute more % than you?

Tropez

boots_babe wrote: »

When we first moved in together, we used to pay for what we spent, and split bills between us etc.

But after a few months this got very tiresome, and we were always 'owing' one another money.

So we soon learnt it was much easier to do everything jointly and not worry about it. That is how we have been ever since. I'm always surprised by people saying about how they have 'their' money, and 'his' money. Surely it is all one and the same if you are together?

Only exceptions I can think of are maybe where one of you has specific credit history issues but even though, you should be helping one another where possible.

When we left uni, I earned a lot more than my boyfriend (over 50% more). Apart from the inconvenience mentioned above of keeping anything separate, it would have been totally unfair of me to expect him to pay half for anything. And even splitting into uneven shares based on relative salaries seems ridiculous as it would only have made him feel bad about it I imagine and there really is little point in doing that.

Over the years, my salary has gradually increased at more of a 'normal' level, whereas his has more than quadrupled. So now the boot is on the over foot, he earns lots more than me. But neither of us have ever seen things as 'his' and 'mine' so it really isn't an issue.

We are together so we share and support one another. Why should money be any different?

Things aren't black and white though.

According to the majority of published statistics, arguments about money contribute to a significant number of marital and relationship difficulties and break ups. Couples should come to an arrangement which suits the pair of them, taking into account many different things from personal preference to financial goals/habits and the extra work that may or may not need be undertaken to manage finances jointly or separately and this should not necessarily be based on an idyllic belief that combining all finances is more indicative of a strong relationship than opting not to do so. It should always be about what works for the people concerned.

Gavin83

I'd personally always go down the 50/50 route in a relationship as I honestly believe this is the best way and stops arguments about money. Luckily me and my girlfriend earn roughly the same amount so this works out quite well but it does get more complicated when one partner earns a lot more than another. I don't think you should watch your partner suffer poverty while your walking around in a rolex but at the same time I think even if someone earns a fair bit more they should get to keep a fair bit more, after all they've put the in the work or had the luck to get the extra pay.

However I do think this situation is slightly different. The fact you moved at greater expense to yourself to make life easier for him suggests to me he should be willing to pay towards your travel. I'd suggest telling him that due to your move you are having to pay so much more and your now struggling to cope and can he contribute towards your travel. That seems fair enough to me.

tattycath

dark_lady wrote: »

This seems to be a very worrying trend which is reflected on these boards time and time again. In fact the reason i joined MSE in the first place was to comment on a thread similar to this which appeared on this board in late August/early September of last year.I cant remember the name of the thread now but i think the poster was called Lalalaladybird or something similar.
OP she was in a "relationship" similar to yours but had gone a couple of stages further along in life and had children with him.
He was so tight that she was walking around in THE ONLY PAIR OF SHOES SHE OWNED THAT WERE FULL OF HOLES. Her husband should have been ashamed.
She had tried to discuss it with him and got nowhere and my advice to her was to pay a visit to his workplace in said holey shoes. After all if he was so in the right and there was nothing wrong with her wearing those shoes then it wouldnt matter if she turned up at his workplace in them would it?!! We never did find out whether or not he let the moths out of his wallet.
But this seems to be a worrying trend because i have seen quite a few of the same sort or similar threads on here.
Could this be some men interpreting the notions of feminism and equality to suit themselves? To be honest i think feminism has done more favours for men that it ever did for women.
OP if you can find this old thread originally posted by Lalaladybird last year it might be an interesting read for you.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2690837
This is the thread i think

Zoetoes

Gigglepig wrote: »

If you get another better paid job closer to home you should be able to save a lot more - independently of your partner. Best of luck with your plans.

Why should she change jobs? She might really lover her job.

Zoetoes

barbiedoll wrote: »

The thing that leapt out at me was OP paying half when they go out for a night. Surely if he is the bigger wage earner, he would pay for any "treats"?

OP, if I were you, next time a night out comes up, refuse to go because you can't afford it. If he goes out on his own then you really will know where you stand. I can agree with the 50/50 split on bills etc but still expecting you to pay your way on a date night? Sorry, but that doesn't sound like the actions of a loving, caring partner to me.

Or better still go looking a bit like someone who hasn't got enough money to buy nice shoes, clothes and make up!

Dave101t

i pay all the bills as my wife doesnt work, when she works, she will pay 50% if wages are similar, and a proportion if not. this way it is a weighted average and fair overall.

we have separate bank accounts, separate savings and separate spending money (she has very little as no job!) and it works perfectly.

wendz86

My OH earns more than me and gets free travel so we worked out what we earn as a percentage of the total and then we split all bills/rent and my travel the same way. I am on maternity leave soon and OH is happy for us to just share money from now on.