Money in relationships

Pinky120

HI All,

I just wanted to ask how couples in relationships share their bills and savings?

My partner and I have been together for 3.5 years, and we have always split everything 50/50.

My partner earns approx £20k more than I do a year, and has managed to save around £1.5k a month towards buying a house. I manage at the mo to save between £100 & £200 a month

I am trying to be very MSE and buying necessary things from eBay, and cheap highstreet shops. There are a few things I need at the mo, some of my clothes are falling apart, shoes have little holes in them ect, but trying not buy anything unnecessary.

My partner and I recently moved from London to Hampshire to be closer to his job. I still currently work in London and am spending £4k a year on travel. :eek:

We have recently had a conversation about money, as I am still paying half towards everything, and my outgoings are just over £1k a month. My partners outgoings are about £800.

I just wanted opinions on what people think is fair, my partner wont compromise on paying more towards the bills/rent because he doesnt see why he should even tho, im struggling to save. He sees it as its my choice to work in London and I should pay the travel costs. He has a company car so work petrol is all covered by the company.

Is it wrong to compare myself to him, where I know he can at any point buy something he needs without any thought, whereas I need to budget, buy as cheap as poss or put it off until the next month?

Sorry for rambled message, please can someone shed some light on how they manage. Thanks

Kimberley82

2 weeks after I met my now husband we have always shared our money, it is 'our' money not his or mine.Personally I wouldn't live any other way.

clairetelche1

My OH earns more than I do (about £400 a month more) we each put half of our wage into a joint account from which we pay all of the joint bills, food, going out together etc. We pay our own debts / clothes / mobile bills / etc from what's left of our wages - works well for us

Gigglepig

I think this it is up to each couple how they manage finances. Some people split bills, others contribute a share in proportion to their salary, and some pool all their money. One solution does not suit everyone.

If this arrangement bothers you, why did you agree to move so that you would have the commuting costs? Did you discuss the travel costs before moving? I see your point - if you now have higher travel costs but it is convenient for him, you could suggest that you both add up your commuting costs and cover 1/2 each. However it is a bit late to have the conversation now that you have already moved.

Perhaps the best thing to do now that you have moved, would be to try to get a better paid job closer to your new house?

mrsspendalot

The only thing I have found that works for me over the years is joint finances - 'our money'

[Deleted User]

We are similar to you and split the bills 50/50, and he earns more than me.
But if we agreed to move closer to my OH's work (and it increased my travel costs, and reduced his) we would be having a chat about sharing this cost. As it stands my travel costs are what they were when we met, so I don't see why he should have to contribute.
Each couple needs to find an arangement that suits them though - I hope you work it out.

rach29

I have to say we have always shared money. Why is your partner not happy to share? is he insecure in your relaionship for some reason? Apart from travel are there other expenses that make your total higher than him? Personally I think he's being unreasonable, you are saving for a house/life together. I take it he will be pulling the old "I'm putting down a bigger deposit so I want a bigger share" trick also. I really don't see how anyone can base a long term relationship on such terms???

Pinky120

rach29 wrote: »

I have to say we have always shared money. Why is your partner not happy to share? is he insecure in your relaionship for some reason? Apart from travel are there other expenses that make your total higher than him? Personally I think he's being unreasonable, you are saving for a house/life together. I take it he will be pulling the old "I'm putting down a bigger deposit so I want a bigger share" trick also. I really don't see how anyone can base a long term relationship on such terms???

Its my travel that adds on so much. I dont think its because he is insecure, he can be quite tight-fisted with his money and wants to save as much as he can for a house. Which is fair enough, but when Im struggling to save even £100 a month, its quite frustrating.

Any

Pinky120 wrote: »

HI All,

I just wanted to ask how couples in relationships share their bills and savings?

My partner and I have been together for 3.5 years, and we have always split everything 50/50.

My partner earns approx £20k more than I do a year, and has managed to save around £1.5k a month towards buying a house. I manage at the mo to save between £100 & £200 a month

I am trying to be very MSE and buying necessary things from eBay, and cheap highstreet shops. There are a few things I need at the mo, some of my clothes are falling apart, shoes have little holes in them ect, but trying not buy anything unnecessary.

My partner and I recently moved from London to Hampshire to be closer to his job. I still currently work in London and am spending £4k a year on travel. :eek:

We have recently had a conversation about money, as I am still paying half towards everything, and my outgoings are just over £1k a month. My partners outgoings are about £800.

I just wanted opinions on what people think is fair, my partner wont compromise on paying more towards the bills/rent because he doesnt see why he should even tho, im struggling to save. He sees it as its my choice to work in London and I should pay the travel costs. He has a company car so work petrol is all covered by the company.

Is it wrong to compare myself to him, where I know he can at any point buy something he needs without any thought, whereas I need to budget, buy as cheap as poss or put it off until the next month?

Sorry for rambled message, please can someone shed some light on how they manage. Thanks

Opinion? To be blunt - he is an !!!!.

Me me me, comes to mind. What man, partner of 3.5 years let his partner struggle while having shed loads himself?
You moved for him - but he won't help you?

My OH earns more then me as well. About twice as much (but he also has debts and son from his first life).
If we paid everything 50/50 I would still be on the bus and wear rags. And I don't think it is fair in the amount of housework as well. Even my man (who is rubbish with money) can see that for someone earning the amount I do, paying half of all the bills (which are high as our house is in nice area) doing 70% of cooking and 90% of housework is simply not fair - that is not life.
There is more aspects then the actual cash-do you/does he realise this?

I pay about 40%, he pays about 60%. Plus he pays for meals out etc.

aliasojo

Pinky120 wrote: »

There are a few things I need at the mo, some of my clothes are falling apart, shoes have little holes in them ect, but trying not buy anything unnecessary.

My partner and I recently moved from London to Hampshire to be closer to his job. I still currently work in London and am spending £4k a year on travel. :eek:

We have recently had a conversation about money, as I am still paying half towards everything, and my outgoings are just over £1k a month. My partners outgoings are about £800.

I just wanted opinions on what people think is fair, my partner wont compromise on paying more towards the bills/rent because he doesnt see why he should even tho, im struggling to save. He sees it as its my choice to work in London and I should pay the travel costs. He has a company car so work petrol is all covered by the company.

Is it wrong to compare myself to him, where I know he can at any point buy something he needs without any thought, whereas I need to budget, buy as cheap as poss or put it off until the next month?

Seems to me your partner is more 'self' based than 'partnership' based.

Your situation is clearly unbalanced yet he's refusing to do anything about it if it costs him more? That's not a partnership, it's 2 people living individually together, iyswim. Lodgers and flatmates don't care about each other's financial difficulties, people who live together do, or at least should.

I'm not necessarily saying he should hand over his wallet to you, but he should be ashamed that the move to Hampshire suited him at your expense and that you are struggling whilst he has no problems at all.

It's all very well saying get a better paid job or one that's closer to home, but let's face it, the state our country is in at the moment may well make that a tad difficult.

I don't believe there is a 'right' way to manage couple finances but I do believe there is a 'fair' way and I don't think you and he have it.

WestonDave

I'm afraid I'm thinking the same as Rach29 - either you are in a relationship where you share things or not - and that to me doesn't mean me sitting in luxury while my other half is scraping by. Now maybe this is a feature of modern relationships where people move in together earlier and then see whether the relationship has longevity, so to me it seems like a sign that he isn't really committed to the relationship and is preserving his wealth ready to take it all with him if/when it breaks down. This seems all the more unfair given that you have made the "gesture of commitment" of moving nearer his work.