Money in relationships

melancholly

not every relationship shares money from the get go - it certainly took a while with me. i quite like being financially independent, but when you're living together and sharing expenses it makes sense to do it fairly. i know some couples who put in a proportion of their salaries to a joint account, so whoever earns more puts in a bit more (and presumably has more of their 'own' to do what they want with). even with nominally separate finances, plenty of couples still have a situation where whoever has the money pays for things (especially if they have different pay days!).

this doesn't sounds like a pure 'money' issue though - it sounds like there might be an underlying issue relating to your relationship....

Pinky120

Thank you for your replies.

I have been on the fence about other things with our relationship, but this is one of the issues that is currently causing some stress.

I do feel at this rate that he will have a nice house, but no one to share it with.

I feel awful talking to him about money, especially when Im asking for him to contribute more towards bills.

When we go out for meals/drinks (which isnt very often) I still usually pay towards the evening. I'll either buy the drinks or give money towards the meal.

Do you think Im a total mug?

Tropez

I earn quite a bit more than my partner presently but the difference there is she runs a business whereas I'm under contracted employment, therefore there is always potential for her business earnings to eventually exceed my salary.

We live together, in my home. It was bought outright several years ago. She has her own property which is currently being rented out.

We're both relatively independent people but she strongly believes in paying her way (a poor way of putting it admittedly), hence we take a percentage of our earnings each month (her earnings vary a little at present) and put it into a joint account. This pays all the necessary household bills such as electric, water, gas etc. Any money left over at the end of the month is set aside into a savings account to pay for anything special for the two of us like a holiday.

For groceries, I generally place a delivery order once a week and my partner picks up any odd bits that we might need on her way home from work.

In our case, I don't feel it is fair to split everything 50/50 hence the percentage method means that I contribute more to the household bills. I work primarily from home and as she is out of the house for about ten hours per day, much of the fuel costs, and food costs, are down to me.

The rest of our respective incomes though remains our own, however, I would never want my partner to be unable to afford things she might need, such as clothes, so if her business took a hit at any point I would much rather make up the difference myself with regards to paying for bills than leave her to struggle. We may be independent to a point, but I do love her and want her to be happy and I'd rather take full financial responsibility for a few months than leave her to dip into her savings just to pay bills that I already managed comfortably before she moved in.

We also use a good ol' fashioned change jar. It sits near the door and as and when we drop our shrapnel in it. Both of us can use this if we need a few quid for something - such as putting petrol in the tank or whatever. I don't like using my card too often, so am often breaking a five or ten with my change being deposited in there.

Any

Pinky120 wrote: »

Thank you for your replies.

I have been on the fence about other things with our relationship, but this is one of the issues that is currently causing some stress.

I do feel at this rate that he will have a nice house, but no one to share it with.

I feel awful talking to him about money, especially when Im asking for him to contribute more towards bills.

When we go out for meals/drinks (which isnt very often) I still usually pay towards the evening. I'll either buy the drinks or give money towards the meal.

Do you think Im a total mug?

Ask yourself this question...
When you have a child and will have to stay at home on maternity leave (and maternity pay is not much believe you me) will he support you or will you have to forgo even a hairdresser, drinks with friends or a child group??

That is what I would be thinking..

rach29

Pinky120 wrote: »

Its my travel that adds on so much. I dont think its because he is insecure, he can be quite tight-fisted with his money and wants to save as much as he can for a house. Which is fair enough, but when Im struggling to save even £100 a month, its quite frustrating.

"As much as HE can for a house" that's where I was going with the "I paid in more" comment. When I bought my first house with my partner I put down a 20% deposit, he put down nothing. We bought the house jointly 50/50 and it would never have occurred to me to protect my deposit.

Do your savings go into joint account?

Pinky120

rach29 wrote: »

"As much as HE can for a house" that's where I was going with the "I paid in more" comment. When I bought my first house with my partner I put down a 20% deposit, he put down nothing. We bought the house jointly 50/50 and it would never have occurred to me to protect my deposit.

Do your savings go into joint account?

No, we have nothing jointly. Both our bank accounts and savings accounts are complete separate.

I usually pay for all the bills as soon as we get them and he transfers half into my account. The DD for the rent is also in my name which he transfers half just before it comes out of my account.

WestonDave

So not only is he protecting his wealth, but he's also got all the bills in your name just in case he decides to disappear! (Not saying he is planning to, but someone is taking all the financial risks in this relationship and someone most definitely is not!)

Pinky120

WestonDave wrote: »

So not only is he protecting his wealth, but he's also got all the bills in your name just in case he decides to disappear! (Not saying he is planning to, but someone is taking all the financial risks in this relationship and someone most definitely is not!)

I honestly dont think this is the case. We've been together for 3.5 years and he's never not paid towards the bills. I set the bills up in my name so they could be paid as soon as we received them, instead of being a nagging gf and knowing that they were paid. Control freak possibly

globetraveller

Partner??? Sounds like a house share to me.
Whilst I can know loads of people share bills etc equally, when you moved to be closer to HIS work and therefore YOU pay more in transport and spend more time travellling, he should take that into account. You shouldn't even have to bring that to his attention.
Do you really want a relationship/house share with such a selfish sod?

rach29

Pinky120 wrote: »

I honestly dont think this is the case. We've been together for 3.5 years and he's never not paid towards the bills. I set the bills up in my name so they could be paid as soon as we received them, instead of being a nagging gf and knowing that they were paid. Control freak possibly

But do you see that you have all the risk & none of the benefits in this situation? if he walked away tomorrow you would be liable for all the bills & rent, Could you even pay all of these on your own?

I really think you need to talk seriously with him about this. maybe agree to pool resources as far as savings & have a joint a/c for bills. He'll still have his own money (try going the percentages route)