Do you allow......

looby75

Errata wrote: »

Whilst parents may be accepting of an offspring having sex under their roof with a partner, I wonder if they'll continue to be accepting with the next partner, and the one after that, and the one after that? Teenage romances are not noted for their longevity.

I wouldn't let dd bring home a string of bf, but thankfully she's got more respect for herself than to jump into bed with a new lad every other week.

Ziggazee

I'm a little shocked by the lack of trust most people appear to have in their children. Just because they're having someone of the opposite spending time with them (whether boy/girl friends or just friends) does not mean they're immediately going to hump them. I was never allowed to have friends (male or female) in the home anyway, but even if I was the last thing I would have done would have been to have sex whilst my parents were in the house.
And all this "not under my roof" nonsense!!!! If teenagers are going to have sex, they're going to do it regardless of whether you ban it under your roof or not. I find it hard to believe a parent would be happy for their teenager to be doing it behind a bush in the park, rather than the decency of their own home.
I have a 13 year old son, who has no interest in girls whatsoever at the moment, but does have lots of friends, male and female. I've always allowed him to have those friends round and for them to go to his room, with the door closed if they wish. he's had sleepovers with girls and boys all in the same room. I trust my son and I respect his privacy.

ellay864

When I let DS1 sleep with his gf at my house, they'd been together for over 6 months, he was 18, she was 17...I wouldn't let him just bring some girl home he'd only seen for a couple of weeks. DS1 was sleeping with his last gf but they were together for almost 2 years despite being young and I would never have allowed it while they were under 16. His current gf is still only 15 so it won't happen - she sleeps in the spare room. I know they may get up to anything when I'm not around but he knows I don't condone it and I've done my best to ensure he udnerstands all implications. When she turns 16 they'll have been together for 9 months so yes I'd probably allow them to be together here then

pipkin71

moomoomama27 wrote: »

Yes we allow DD, 13, to have boy ''friends'' in her bedroom! She isn't going out with anyone yet, they are just friends from school who happen to be male, but if she had a boyfriend it wouldn't be a problem, as long as she leaves the door open, so I can check on them every now and agan!

We have clued her up on safe sex, and she comes to us with anything, and speaks openly, and while I would hate my DD to be having sex at a young age, burying your head in the sand does nothing, but cause more problems from my past experience! I trust her as much as I can, and know that if she was going to have sex she wouldn't necassarily need a bedroom! Thankfully she's not at that stage yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time

Good post, moomoomama27

I'm really pleased that my DDs can come to me and discuss anything

I also think that an open door is the way to handle a boyfriend coming back, and would allow a boyfriend in their rooms, on that basis.

vesper

I suppose it depends on how responsible the child is in my opinion.
Saying that I was never allowed to stay in the same room as my partner when I was dating him when I was 18/19 at my parents. Even now if I go and stay at my parents at christmas, he has to stay in the spare room and me my old bedroom and we have been together for 8 years now and living together over 7. Hi dad has the same attitude about us, when we went to stay for a night a few years ago we were allowed to share a room but not the same bed (I was about 23 at the time). Not sure why that was as we were never irresponsible, I would never dare get up to anything as my sister was in the next room.

On the other hand my younger sister was allowed to sleep in the same room as her partner when she was 15. And from the noises coming through the wall she was defintely less responsible than myself.

pug_in_a_bed

god my parents would have strung me up! I suppose it worked as I, ahem, didn't do the deed untill age 20 even though we'd been together a long while and had our own place.

My parents were more relaxed with me than my older sister, in that I'm now 30 and its ok for me and oh to share a bed when we stay at theirs, but they didn't let my sister until she was 36 and married!

suited-aces

You seriously accept the fact your OH is kicked out into the spare room at your age, yet your younger sis was allowed to do all sorts from 15? Why the difference? And why haven't you kicked up a fuss over it?

churchrat

If you do decide to "ban" the teenager from having friends in thier room when you are there, wont that just make it forbidden fruit? How on earth do you make sure they dont have friends in the room, unless you are with them ALL of the time. What if they go to other peoples houses and ARE allowed into bedrooms? Are you sure that they will tell you?

I allowed all my children to have friends (of either sex) in thier rooms, As it happens, one of my sons is gay, so banning girls wouldn't have helped much, unless your only concern is pregnancy. I was just as worried about health and, growing up and being able to develop mature and honest relationships. That applied as much to me and my oh--being able to see our babies as adults (very difficult at times) and allowing them to have friends and be themselves in the safety of thier own home can be very difficult because it means letting go of a very precious time. I loved having my children around, and yet they did insist on growing up!

Ofcourse it depends on the child and how grownup they are, some kids just grow faster than others, but I think if you are open, loving and honest then you can trust them to look after themselves. They will anyway, because you cannot be with them for 24 hours a day.

oh the joys of parenthood:)

vesper

suited-aces wrote: »

You seriously accept the fact your OH is kicked out into the spare room at your age, yet your younger sis was allowed to do all sorts from 15? Why the difference? And why haven't you kicked up a fuss over it?

I just never questioned it until now. It was always the same in many different ways, she was always allowed to do stuff and I wasn't.

suited-aces

Tbh I'd be increcidbly resentful, and not a chance OH would be in separate room these days. That said, I'd bet a large sum you've turned out the better person of the two of you.