Vent :(

split_second

there are one of two situations here:

1. there IS something wrong, it might be work, his family, money worries. men arent great at talking about things.

2. he needs to man up and make his own tea, which to be fair isnt that much of a hardship to do once in a while (most blokes love a good stodgy takeaway)

Percy1983

Why better half would laugh at me if I tried that with her. With that she works with small children for a living so is use to strops.

As for cooking, we don't live together yet but so far I appear to be the cook, the amount of different types of chicken I can prepare is amazing for a bloke apprantly.

There does seem there maybe something bigger at play here, just try and talk to him and see where it leads.

RoxieW

Well he came out of his sulk after three days and expects all to be fine. No apology, he doesn't see that he's done anything wrong. Thinks I should b the one to apologize for not making his tea.
I'm so frustrated I could scream. I work half the hours he does, and do all of the childcare and the housework (and I do mean full time childcare, we have a two year old who I have to look after while working). I get my knickers in a twist trying to keep on top of everything that needs doing, but have done in the past because I wanted to be a good wife/mum etc and not make his day any more difficult. But he clearly does t appreciate that and from what he has said on the subject yesterday thinks I should easily be able to do everything, and if I don't have enough time then I shouldn't take the little one to playgroups.
He's so spoilt and Im sick and tired of not being appreciated.
I did him a list yesterday of all the housework jobs and to,d him he can do 50 per cent of the weekend jobs. He's refusing.
Things are going to chance. I'm pig sick of this.

Plans_all_plans

I really do feel for you RoxieW. It can't be easy not feeling appreciated.

One thing I would say is that there will be light at the end of the tunnel in a year or so when your youngest gets 15 hours free nursery time. I think that when children are under 5 and then teenagers, it will test your marriage to breaking point. Hang on in there and don't throw in the towel yet! My mum and nan (married 28 and 43 years respectively) always says to me that if you feel resentment building up towards your husband you should let it go, otherwise it will eat away at you and destroy your family. Try to focus on the positive aspects he has.

I have found that my life was a lot easier before I went back to work part time and was a SAHM. Are you in a position financially/willing to personally, give up work until the littlest is a bit older?

Are you and your husband talking, or arguing when you discuss this issue?

FakeIrish

See the first bullet point from the Good wife's Guide:

http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/index.htm

liney

FakeIrish wrote: »

See the first bullet point from the Good wife's Guide:

http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/index.htm

That gives me Virus warnings.

FakeIrish

liney wrote: »

That gives me Virus warnings.

It shouldn't do. But here's a transcript:

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

Percy1983

I do hope you posted that as a joke, I gave a copy to by better half a while ago, she just laughed at me... :rotfl:

bargainbetty

FakeIrish, absolute cobblers. A wife knows her place is as an equal, right next to her man/woman.

My ex once complained that he had no clean pants. I gave him an instruction sheet on how to work the machine. I cooked for him, on the condition that he washed up and cleaned the kitchen. I cleaned the bathroom, he hoovered etc. We paid half the bills each, so he was not the master, any more than I was the mistress - we shared.

Marriage is a partnership. He needs to fulfill his end of the bargain, so go on strike until he does.

My mum used to do a cracking one on my dad, who could sulk for England. She would walk in, ask him what he wanted for tea. No response. 'Shall I do you egg and chips then?' No response. 'I'll do you egg and chips, I know you like that.' She would give him his plate of egg and chips, and then sit down with a large steak, mushrooms, fried onions and chips. When he broke silence to ask why she had steak and he had eggs, she smiled sweetly and said 'You didn't say you wanted any steak.'

WestonDave

Look - I don't know you from Adam (or should that be Eve), but you are worth better than that. Families work much better when you all try to get as much done as possible, not when its a skiving competition! Most days I get up first, shower etc before giving the kids their breakfast, head off for 9hours work and commute (OK so I get a lunch hour in that but most days its used picking up shopping we need), come home hopefully in time to help put the kids to bed before normally cooking an evening meal for me and my OH. I'm well acquainted with the washing machine, and the various cleaning products in the house (although I'm really untidy before anyone thinks I'm a half decent male specimen!).

OK so I tend to cook because I enjoy it and find it a good way of winding down after the day, but although my OH only works part time (although that is increasing) I've always tended to have more energy out of the two of us so its only natural that I get on and do more of the boring stuff, so we all get to have a fair share of the fun as well. I could sit on my ample rear and expect my OH to wear herself out doing more of the chores etc, but then we'd not be able to have family time together.

Unless he has some kind of energy sapping condition (and I don't belittle those - even depression can be totally debilitating) he is just being a selfish pig and needs to grow up. Marriage/Family life needs contribution, not extraction - put as much in as you can, and you automatically get more out.

That said I'm not sure how you change him - I would be asking him straight what it is that you want the little one to miss playgroup so you can do for him. Does he really want little Johnny to miss his fun just so he doesn't have to spend two minutes cooking pancakes, or 15 minutes cleaning the bathroom, or five minutes loading the washing machine. Hopefully what you have together is worth keeping - you mainly need to adjust to being adults and parents rather than young lovers and free and single (as his attitude suggests he is still trying to be). Tell you what though - he'd starve and stink in our house with that attitude.