Low Mood Mummy Support Club

Catbells

I think its a great idea too. Even though mine are grown I look back and think I probably had pnd at a time when it wasn't out in the open. I remember crying in the garden shed when we moved house and looking at the work that needed to be done to the house. Far away days now for me but you all are right there now. Good luck with the thread. Just a thought - is there any money saving angle on it....

mwa

Hello

I am 30 and have a 4 1/2 year old DD and a 16 month old DS. I had a difficult labour with DD after which she was taken away to neonatal for assessment before I could even hold her and I struggled to feed her and bond with her as a result (I believe). She was fine thank goodness but I was diagnosed with PND when she was 11 weeks old. Then when she was 6 months old I contracted a serious illness and was in hospital for a few weeks, looking back I believe that I 'shut off' my emotions to cope with the pain of being away from her, I was still breastfeeding her and I found this difficult to suddenly have to stop as with my PND the breastfeeding was really my only way that I felt I was serving her, if that makes sense. I never really bonded with her although I looked after her and really tried, lucky for me my DH had enough love for her so she would never have known.

After being on and off ADs for 2 1/2 years I fell pg with my DS and came off them. I am pleased to say that the birth of my DS turned things around for me and it was a totally different experience! I bonded with him immedietely and really feel like I have been given a second chance to get it right.

I suffer from low mood but not PND now. I try to do too much in the day (I work 3 days pw) and am a little OCD with the housework. Its like fighting a losing battle really, I like the house tidy at all times and run myself in knots tidying up after them, this is something I would like to work on as like that poem says they are only little once and there will always be housework. I like the house to be tidy for my DH when he comes home as he has a busy and stressful job and I want him to be welcomed home. Maybe this is a little idealistic.

I would like to have more patience with my DD. She is starting school this year and is well ready. She bombards me with questions from the minute she wakes up to the minute she goes to bed. She has a tendancy to whine and moan and nag and I lose my temper with her more than I should. Sometimes I hide in the kitchen to try and calm down. I have been on a couple of parenting courses run by Surestart and learned some good techniques for dealing with behaviour issues but it still gets the better of me sometimes.

It is funny as my DS is actually a lot more difficult as a baby than my DD ever was but somehow I seem more able to cope with him. Its the constant questions and nagging I can't cope with.

I try to count my blessings and for the most part find that exercise and a daily Berocca keeps me just about sane but some days are hard.

MWA

AnnaLicious_2

mwa wrote: »

Hello

I have been on a couple of parenting courses run by Surestart and learned some good techniques for dealing with behaviour issues but it still gets the better of me sometimes.

MWA

MWA, I am so glad you mentioned this! Not only am I a Mom, I have worked for sure start in some form for years now. Some people hear 'parenting course' and think it's for rubbish parents, which is so far from the truth! In the area I live all the children's centres offer Webster-Stratton courses (also called Incredible Years). They're so amazing - it's all about giving you some techniques to support you.

Also for all the Mom's struggling with attachment - it's so, so, so common. Please consider speaking to someone at your local children's centre. Almost all of them will offer things like stay & play groups. But a lot will also offer special Mom & Baby groups for people who maybe are struggling a little. I worked at one that had special attachment groups where you met other Moms feeling the same way, and it was run by a lovely lady who really helped everyone there. You don't need to be referred over by your HV, just pop in. If you're really low and need extra support, a lot of them will have family support workers that give you individual time.

Children's centres aren't just for the children, they are there to help the whole family. And the services are free!!

SingleSue

Does anyone mind a mum with older children joining in?

I had PND after all 3 of mine and then went onto to have a breakdown in my mid 30's. I recovered as much as I think it will go although that is not back to the person I was pre breakdown and still suffer low moods at times.

My boys are 12, 14 and 17, all 3 have disabilities - eldest son has EDS, a heart murmur and has to take beta blockers for probable POTS, middle son has aspergers, brain damage which has affected his short term memory, emotions and hunger control, partial deafness, bowel disorder and is now a probably for EDS and youngest has complex autism, severe asthma, bowel disorder, hypermobility syndrome, multiple food allergies and has also started to suffer partial dislocations to his hips, possibly as a consequence of EDS too.

As you can imagine, it can get pretty stressful, it is very isolating as I cannot have visitors to the house and very few people can cope with them for me to have a night out...and if they do attempt it, it takes them a very long time to offer again!

My marriage broke up partly as he couldn't cope with the family life...he wanted normal children and he blamed me for the children we got (although at that point, there was no apparent problems with eldest), so I carry a lot of guilt even though in my heart, I know I cannot be to blame.

Life now seems to be passing me by, I am 40 with no love life, no social life and no real prospects to ever having my own time, my own life or my own career back again...all the dreams I had for my life have gone.

morocha

i would love to join... here is me, although reading some stories i feel i should be grateful for what i;ve got.

i am 26 yo and my dd is 3 1/2, i suffer from deppression and feel low many times, more now that i amm having the ipl done so i am off my tablets, some days is so hard to get up, my dd has ADHD, tons of energy, and i feel i am not a good mum to her.
I have no enjoyment in playing kiddies games, i guess because my parents were always to busy for this, i do try tho, i took her to the park and the beach today and tried to engaged a bit better with her, i know i suffer from PND aswell, i feel there was no conection between us when she was born, i do love her tho, i just find it so hard to show it, my Dh is always telling her he loves her, and she says it back and she is a cuddly girl too, i find it so hard , my parents were not like this at all.

RoxieW

Hello ladies
I have three beautiful boys - 8, 6 and 2, and have suffered PND with all of them. Progressively less so. Am currently on anti-d's but generally happy and running a house, being a good mum and working
The thing that I find has a massive impact on my mood is my other half. I feel I'm doing so well maintaining myself and he pulls me down. Today it was a struggle to get the house tidy and the kids sorted but it was done by half seven and I sat down to work (I work from home.) He walks in at 8pm and has a massive strop because I havent made him any tea. I had pancakes with the boys at teatime. According to him pancakes (savory and sweet) arent an appropriate dinner for the boys on pancake day. What a bad mother I am, eh? Now he's ignoring me and i feel like rubbish. I wish I was stronger but I dont have the energy for it
How does everyone else deal with relationships?

RedwoodBrook

I wish this thread had been around a few months back.

I feel as though I am finding the light at the end of the very dark tunnel I went through. If anyone else who has suffered a stillbirth comes across this thread, please feel free to send me a message.

pinkclouds

RoxieW wrote: »

How does everyone else deal with relationships?

Tune it out temporarily. (Later on, you'll remember his good points - bringing in income, being a good dad, remembering whatever, etc.) For now, remember he had 3 kids with you so he *does* think you're a good mom. No two people will agree on every single issue - I'm sure you don't agree with some of his food choices too. He's a grown man and he won't starve himself - he can sort his own dinner, at least occasionally. He's entitled to be in a bad mood from time to time. Doesn't mean you have to soak it up - leave him to it. Focus on something else until your mind clears - hug your kids, smell your coffee, step outside the back door for a breath of air, whatever.

Does that help at all? It's generally what I'd do.

neneromanova

I don't know what it is with me but I always seem to be yelling at my eldest DD and cuddling, laughing and having such a good time with my youngest DD...is that just me being a bad mummy? I'm constantly feeling lonely and grumpy. But if you were to talk to me in the street you would see a happy, joking woman.

What are the most common signs of PND?

Mum_of_Boys

I'm Annie, 35, mum of 4 boys - 15, 11,6 and almost 3. I lost my mum just before I found out I was pregnant with DS4 and think I've suffered depression ever since. I find it very hard to get any sort of motivation and feel sad and lonely all the time. But like the above, if you were to meet me in the street you'd think I was full of enery and fun!!

I love my boys so much and have a very good husband and cant understand why I feel like this. We dont have any massive money problems, everyone here helps out at home.

Last year we found out my husband had a serious heart condition (he 34) and went onto have open heart surgery and have since found out that it was inherited. We had our children tested and only one of them has the mutated gene. God I feel so upset for him and am full of worry. We were told at the hospital last week that he's in danger of instant cardiac death if he plays any sport or exerts himself. All I want to do is have him home here with me tucked on the sofa - safe. So wish my mum was here, I miss her so much, she was my best friend.

Whilst typing this I'm crying like a baby and I've not cried for a while !!!!!

Sorry to rabbit on, great thread OP.... Thank You