Will he ever change?

Emmzi

no, he won't change

you, and your kids, are worth more than this - stop teaching them to stay with an !!!! because you are scared. You want better for them.

I have a feeling that a phone call here will be a good starting place. Good luck, sending you my best wishes.

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/counselling2.php

tsstss7

OP Please be aware that if you go back to work full time and he takes care of the kids for some or all of that time then he could claim to be the main carer and get residency if you leave in the future - however useless you think he is in the eyes of the court he will be the childrens main carer.

I have a friend who is in this position now who worked full time and did ALL the domestic stuff for years - but as he was physically at home with the children (and did the bare minimum with them although they don't seem to have suffered for it substantally) he is going for residency now. The only thing that comforts her now is the thought that he will actually have to do all this stuff as of course she won't be there to do it for him.

Loz01

I cant believe your OH expects you to get the kids up and to a childminders whilst he's at home sleeping all day!!! :eek: Have I got that right?! Its ridiculous, sounds like he's the 3rd child, not a partner!

Dont worry about going it alone, you're already doing it by the sounds of things, and at least you wont have him bringing you down and insulting you at every opportunity. Good luck x

meritaten

so, you are going to give in to blackmail for the rest of your life? or for the next five years if I read your post right? and this is to protect mum? from what? are you sure she doesnt already know?
hun, this is YOUR life here! your past does not have to mean you live as a slave! you dont have to live this way! whoever was at fault in the past, you can move away from this awful man you are with. you are a mother and why would you want your children brought up in a house where you are being held hostage with this blackmail? with a man who is clearly not good husband/father material?
Its NOT the past that matters - its the future - YOURS and the KIDS!

balletshoes

AimeesMum wrote: »

That's kinda my thinking but I think the most important thing that I didn't mention is that something happened to me when I was younger that I told him about that I can't let anyone else know and he has threatened before that he would tell and if he did my life would literally be over

:cool: this guy sounds like a real catch - NOT. He tries to drag you down by telling you you're fat, and threatens to tell the world something that you entrusted him with.
You can't stay with him because of a threat - what you can do is take that threat away - tell the person closest to you your secret, get it out in the open before he does. If your OH was not the only one to know your secret, and with you feeling the way you do about your relationship together, would you still be with him?

Bennifred

I honestly don't think you should be protecting your mother at the expense of your children and yourself. I would think she wouldn't want that either - she'd want you to do whatever is best for you and her grandchildren.
Are you sure that a tiny part of you isn't using this incident from the past as a sort of excuse not to have to take positive steps? You are young, and change is scary, but I think you must be brave for children's sake as well as your own. It may actually do your OH an enormous favour in the long run, too.

diable

Spanish Archer time, give him the El Bow

killerpeaty

You are so young, this story breaks my heart, you have my deepest sympathies.
I have no advice, only an example; my mum has a friend who's (now ex) husband had a mental disorder, because she was always there to pick him up, he got worse and worse. Finally they decided to separate, now they are still friends, their offspring are grown up and I know one of them is happily married again and I believe the other is in a healthy relationship.

jackieglasgow

Whoever did the terrible thing to you is now not only ruining your life but your children's lives too, by binding you to a man who does not act like a father to them. Your mother would be even more heartbroken to think that this happened to save her feelings, than she will be about whatever happened to you. Get out now, you sound like a lovely mum yourself, don't let this man drag you down. You never know, it may just be the best thing that's happened to either of you. x

diable

Joking apart either move on or give him a massive kick up the !!!! as he is really taking the p1ss, I understand he may have issues but he could help you out with the children, making your packed lunch etc etc for one I would confiscate his "toys" or at least ration them.