Will he ever change?

AimeesMum_2

My partner and I have been together for 5 years with 2 kids (3yrs old and 3 months old).

I am 22yrs old and he is 25. I work full time while he claims Incapacity Benefit for severe anxiety and depression but it is my belief that him not working makes this so much worse.

It's just not working out at all anymore. He calls me fat (which makes me feel awful after just having a baby), stays awake all night playing the xbox and sleeps all day and outright refuses to go back to work even though I would need to travel 3hours round daily to go to work and he won't even entertain getting up at 6.30am to get the kids dressed to go to the childminders. I am due back to work from maternity leave asap as we need the funds to pay the rent etc but don't feel that my position within the family should be every role when he does nothing.

I have no family or friends nearby and the thought of leaving terrifies me but I can see no way this can continue anymore...can I make him change? Is there anyway I can make him see what he is doing to me and how selfish he is being?

Auntie-Dolly

Why are you terrified? you're virtually managing by yourself as it is and he will be one less thing for you to worry about. Sounds like a lazy, selfish s*d to me.

AimeesMum_2

That's kinda my thinking but I think the most important thing that I didn't mention is that something happened to me when I was younger that I told him about that I can't let anyone else know and he has threatened before that he would tell and if he did my life would literally be over

pigpen

If he says you are fat challenge him.. 'Well you are rude and insulting and lazy, at least I can go on a diet!'

I'd be giving him an ultimatum.. chip in or bugle off.. 2 children is hard work you don't need to be his mummy too.

emerald_starcat

Maybe you leaving him will be the wake-up call that he needs. Sounds like he takes his situation and you for granted.
No he won't change if he stays in this situation. Things are comfortable for him and he's getting his way - so why should he?
Stand up for yourself, you are better off without this waste of space.

ecgirl07

any grown man of 25 who needs told to get out his bed in the morning and help with his kids is not worth keeping around. Some human actions should be self evident and if he is not capable of seeing he is not pulling his weight then i doubt he ever will.

emerald_starcat

AimeesMum wrote: »

That's kinda my thinking but I think the most important thing that I didn't mention is that something happened to me when I was younger that I told him about that I can't let anyone else know and he has threatened before that he would tell and if he did my life would literally be over

So he blackmails you too? Nice guy....
Maybe you need to seek help and councelling with what has happened to you when you were younger. There are people out there that can help you.
You can't let him do this to you as it's obviously destroying you mentally.

gunsandbanjos

Agree with Auntie Dolly, you are basically a single parent with an inconsiderate lodger who doesn't bring much to the table.

Don't let him blackmail you, how low can he get? He basically knows he has a cushy time and doesn't want to lose it.

Sorry if this upsets you but i can't imagine he loves you if he is saying that he will tell people your secret if you leave him. Noone who loved someone would do that:(

jcr16

thing is tho hun, he doens't have any reason to have to change as you do everything. it sounds like he has got away with how he acts for so long he has no need to be any different.

i'd say give his an ultimatum, but i feel this won't actually work, as if he has threatened that u stay wiht him just so he doesn't let out ur secret , he has a hold over you, so he know's he doesn't have to change.

Whats in the past is in the past hun. you can't let ur past ruin ur future. If he does tell your secret then it shows how much u actually mean to him.Sorry to be brutal hun, but a man who loves you would never act this way.

candygirl

Get rid!!He sounds like a millstone round your neck , and how dare he call you fat:mad::mad::mad:

ecgirl07

AimeesMum wrote: »

That's kinda my thinking but I think the most important thing that I didn't mention is that something happened to me when I was younger that I told him about that I can't let anyone else know and he has threatened before that he would tell and if he did my life would literally be over

leave him now and go get counselling about events in your past that will let you deal with the consequences of people knowing. this man clearly does not respect you and your family.