Please Please help me - husband walked out earlier today

lindyloo77

I'm really struggling. Been to bed but can't sleep. Going round in circles thinking how to ahndle it when he comes around.

lindyloo77

Sorry got no one to talk to and don't know what to do. Girls cried so much last night, the youngest thought Daddy had just gone for 2 days and was coming home for good today. The eldest asked if Daddy was ever moving back in and I don't know what to say, she's been terribly upset this morning worrying about seeing her Dad today and what she should say to him.
I can't stop being sick and my heart is racing. I miss him and love him, but am trying to tell myself I can cope.

Beardedlaydee

I really feel for you. You will get through this and come out stronger but right now just take one step at a time.
A bit of a cliche but when I went through a similar thing a friend said to me "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" and it really helped me.
Keep strong in front of the girls if you can and with your husband, although that is the hardest part. Try not to beg and plead with him. I wrote a lot of letters which helped, even if I didn't send them, it helped me get my head straight and things into perspective.
Big hugs to you.

quietheart

lindyloo77 wrote: »

Sorry got no one to talk to and don't know what to do. Girls cried so much last night, the youngest thought Daddy had just gone for 2 days and was coming home for good today. The eldest asked if Daddy was ever moving back in and I don't know what to say, she's been terribly upset this morning worrying about seeing her Dad today and what she should say to him.
I can't stop being sick and my heart is racing. I miss him and love him, but am trying to tell myself I can cope.

It's probably better that the kids are showing their emotions and not bottling it up for it to come out later. He had done this to them not you and you are left to pick up the pieces. You have to be factual with them, tell them the truth but try your best not to be negative about him (you know that already). Today is one of the first big hurdles and you'll probably feel a bit stronger when you've cleared it. It never ceases to amaze me that people will put their children in this awful position and make them grow up way before their time. You can't control what has happened you can only control your response to it and you are doing the best job you can.
Best of luck x
PS would you consider taking something to help you sleep, gp would give you a small amount of tablets or valerian or something herbal may help. adding exhaustion onto grief is only going to make it harder for you.

Lovelamour

Awww you poor thing, feel so bad for you and your pain. I hope things improve soon for you. XXX

pinkykat

Take 10 deep breaths.....Dont give false hopes the the children it was a little different for me because my were 9yrs and 10yrs old. I sat them down very quietly no distractions and told them that there daddy did not want to live with us anymore. But, that he loved them to bits and would still see them but not in the family home.
If your husband is coming and going into the family home then he is not being fair on the children because it is giving them conflicting messages.
As far as the locks are concerned then you cannot change them because it is still part his house unfortunately.
What you could do is speak to him and ask him not to come into the home without your say so and not to use his key. Because its confusing the children into thinking that he is coming back home to stay.
Please read the comments because a lot of them do make sense. Have you not got any family nearby to help you?
Its a must that you get all your finances sorted. You dont have to leave the family home until the children leave full-time education so dont worry about that. Please go and speak to the citizens advise because they are there to help you.

POPPYOSCAR

lindyloo77 wrote: »

Sorry got no one to talk to and don't know what to do. Girls cried so much last night, the youngest thought Daddy had just gone for 2 days and was coming home for good today. The eldest asked if Daddy was ever moving back in and I don't know what to say, she's been terribly upset this morning worrying about seeing her Dad today and what she should say to him.
I can't stop being sick and my heart is racing. I miss him and love him, but am trying to tell myself I can cope.

Unfortunately you cannot totally shield the children from this other than trying to assure them that their dad loves them just the same.

Perhaps you could get him to explain to them as well and try to put their minds at rest.

Feeling like you do is only natural at the moment, but you
will come through this and be a stronger person for it in the end.

So sorry you feel you have no one you can talk to about all this. I only hope that by you posting on here it gives you some kind of comfort.

lindyloo77

The latest is he came around told me there is nothing that I can do or say that will change his mind, our marriage is over and he decided that a while ago.
He's told friends that there is nothing going on with this other woman she is just a friend, but she has said that he is such a free spirit how have I managed to cage him.
He was 47 2 weeks ago and says he doesnt know who he is anymore, but he has no feelings for me.
We spoke about a divorce and he said the easiest way was to seperate for 2 years, as it wouldn't cost as much. I don't know if that's true? He also said he wouldn't shirk his responsibilities as a father but if he has to find somewhere to rent he won't be able to contribute as much as he does now.
I'm also cross that when he had the girls yesterday he told them there was nothing to be upset about and to stop crying. He want's them on friday night until saturday afternoon. He wants them to go ice skating but my daughter has a broken arm and is in plaster, he says that's not a problem and i'm just over-protective (another of my many faults).

RAS

lindyloo77 wrote: »

We spoke about a divorce and he said the easiest way was to seperate for 2 years, as it wouldn't cost as much.

No difference to irreconcilable differences - you can more or less DIY the first bit but need a solicitor for the financial settlement, IMO. let him petition though as he will have to pay.

lindyloo77 wrote: »

He also said he wouldn't shirk his responsibilities as a father but if he has to find somewhere to rent he won't be able to contribute as much as he does now.

Have you

1. Contacted DWP re WTC and CTC?
2. Organised single persons CT reduction?
3. Rung the CSA? You will get 20 percent of his income, from the date of the phone call so get it sorted.

Do this NOW as you need to get the benefits in place.

Do you have a joint bank account?

lindyloo77 wrote: »

He want's them on friday night until saturday afternoon. He wants them to go ice skating but my daughter has a broken arm and is in plaster, he says that's not a problem and i'm just over-protective

Agree. Let the kid's enjoy it or not and if there are any problems, he does the trip to A&E and deals with the consequences.

POPPYOSCAR

lindyloo77 wrote: »

The latest is he came around told me there is nothing that I can do or say that will change his mind, our marriage is over and he decided that a while ago.
He's told friends that there is nothing going on with this other woman she is just a friend, but she has said that he is such a free spirit how have I managed to cage him.
He was 47 2 weeks ago and says he doesnt know who he is anymore, but he has no feelings for me.
We spoke about a divorce and he said the easiest way was to seperate for 2 years, as it wouldn't cost as much. I don't know if that's true? He also said he wouldn't shirk his responsibilities as a father but if he has to find somewhere to rent he won't be able to contribute as much as he does now.
I'm also cross that when he had the girls yesterday he told them there was nothing to be upset about and to stop crying. He want's them on friday night until saturday afternoon. He wants them to go ice skating but my daughter has a broken arm and is in plaster, he says that's not a problem and i'm just over-protective (another of my many faults).

I would not take everything he says as gospel if I were you. It may me that he is going to do things in a way to suit only himself.The only way to protect yourself and your girls is to get proper legal advice(Many solicitors will offer a consultation appointment for free)


Regarding your daughter and skating I do not think you are being over protective and personally I would not let my daughter go.Perhaps this is because I have been in hospital with a 6 year old who had to have his arm re-broken and re-set after it not healing properly and he had to be put under in order to do it. I would prefer to avoid the risk.