Please Please help me - husband walked out earlier today

demir2424

poppyoscar - I am waiting until my divorce is finalised and then I am going for a residence order, as I know my ex won't agree to the divorce if I mention changing the locks and asking him to knock. I have many cards up my sleeve, but not until after the divorce is finalised.
My solicitor has advised me of many things I can file for, but not until he agrees to divorce.

cassieB57

Legally it is his HOUSE but no longer his HOME? If he was a landlord he would have no right to come and go as he pleased. Can you fit a burglar alarm that only you have the code to? Or at least keep the door deadlocked while you are home so he cannot just let himself in and has to knock?

POPPYOSCAR

demir2424 wrote: »

poppyoscar - I am waiting until my divorce is finalised and then I am going for a residence order, as I know my ex won't agree to the divorce if I mention changing the locks and asking him to knock. I have many cards up my sleeve, but not until after the divorce is finalised.
My solicitor has advised me of many things I can file for, but not until he agrees to divorce.

I hope you don't have much longer to wait then, it sounds an awful situation to be in.

Hope it works out for you in the end.

missindecisive

Hello

ive never experienced this but someone very close to me has, and my heart goes out to you, you must be heartbroken.

Give yourself some time to get your head around it all. you can make an appointment with your benefits office and they will tell you if you are entitled to any financial help. Do not rush into making any decisions about the house. yes ok, you may eventually need to split it but at the end of the day, he left the marriage and you need to provide a roof over your childrens heads. I doubt if many solicitors out there would force you to sell up now just to provide him with his half.
given time and when the dust has settled you may be able to talk to him in a more practical way. I have seen a relative of mine 'badmouth' their ex-partner when feeling terribly wounded in this sort of situation, it's not good for the kids to hear and just further unsettles them and causes them even more anxiety. In the end, when they reach adulthood, they will see for themselves who the better parent is and form their own judgements. good luck, surround yourself with people who you can rely on, take time out for yourself. x

demir2424

Sorry I am going off the original thread, but when my divorce is finalised. I am going for a residency order - which means it is my home and he will be like my landlord, then I can change the locks and ask him to knock before entering.

I am also, when divorce is finalised, looking with my solicitor to get something on the childrens passports with tell the airports that they can't travel without mothers permission.

But I cant mention these to my ex or file for them yet until I know my house is my home and that he is no longer my husband - as I know he will object.

Anyway, enough of my problems - back to lindyloos problem

Keeping_Motivated

He can TRY and blame everything on you BUT you don't have to accept it, you can't stop what he says but you can choose not to absorb it and believe it.

You may have had faults within the marriage but if he was that unhappy then he should have spoken to you and tried to work it out (which he may of done obviously I don't know) or if he felt he could no longer cope within the relationship then he should have left without having an affair.....he is using your 'faults' to excuse his adultery and that is cowardly so don't accept any responsibility for his affair (thats his 'stuff') just accept responsibility for what you maybe could have changed in the relationship BUT equally he also has to take responsibility for his faults too.

As for what you do next...make a cup of coffee and get a pen and paper and make a list of practical things you can be doing over the next few days and then try not to think too far ahead and think of only the next hour at a time and get through that, if that takes a cup of tea and a chat with a friend for the hour then so be it, if it means crying on the bed for that hour then so be it, if it means going for a walk etc etc

Take care

sjc3

lindyloo77 wrote: »

Thanks for the quick replies.
Harry- he has left me to be with another woman.
To be honest I'm so confused and if possible feel my heart has broken and I could die. Spent most of the day telling my 11 and 8 year old that we both love them. I've not said a bad word about their Dad to them and let them ring him earlier to say goodnight. All he said to me was he'll collect them from school on Tuesday.
I don't want to give the house up but feel he will get what he wants as he seems to think this whole thing is my fault. I'm sure most of it pobably is but do think he should take some responsibility.

Do yourself a massive favour and stop thinking this is mostly your fault. Of course it is not. It takes two to make a relationship work. For your own sake and yours and the girls future you need to decide what you all want and need. He sounds like a nasty piece of work who will quite happily bully you out of what you are all entitled to.

Set up a bank account in your name only. Get the child benefit paid into there. Phone tax credits in the morning and cancel the joint claim and apply for a single claim in your name only. As you are on a low income you could speak with the council to see if you qualify for council tax benefit. Do go along to CAB and speak with them they are very knowledgeable.

If he phones to talk to you hold it together. Dont let him think he can walk all over you and mess you around financially, whilst you are in such a state after he has walked out.

sjc3

demir2424 wrote: »

I am also, when divorce is finalised, looking with my solicitor to get something on the childrens passports with tell the airports that they can't travel without mothers permission.

Would be very interested to know how you do that. A friend of mine is in the middle of a messy divorce and I am sure she would like that applied to her kids passports.

pink_princess

ovoreo wrote: »

What support network do you have to manage your depression?

I think this is a very good comment ,if you ve been depressed for 11 years then you ,him and the kids can t be truely happy.What causes it ? have you tackled the main issues ? I really feel for you op but help to manage this must be a priority before it spirals.

sjc3

cassieB57 wrote: »

If you work under 16 hours and one of your children is under 7yrs you may claim Income Support. Ring 0800 0556688 to claim and ask for backdating to today.

He can talk about being a "rubbish wife"; at least YOU haven't walked out and left your partner and children; I know which I think is more rubbish at being a spouse!

I thought once a child turned 5 you couldn't get income support and had to go onto job seekers allowance? They chop and change things so much dont they