Please Please help me - husband walked out earlier today

lindyloo77

Thanks for the quick replies.
Harry- he has left me to be with another woman.
To be honest I'm so confused and if possible feel my heart has broken and I could die. Spent most of the day telling my 11 and 8 year old that we both love them. I've not said a bad word about their Dad to them and let them ring him earlier to say goodnight. All he said to me was he'll collect them from school on Tuesday.
I don't want to give the house up but feel he will get what he wants as he seems to think this whole thing is my fault. I'm sure most of it pobably is but do think he should take some responsibility.

harry7075

If you are to get custody of your daughters he'd be a right t**t if he tried to take the roof from over your kids head.

lindyloo77

I work 25 hrs per week but only term time.
The girls and I have spent much of the day in tears. I didn't sleep last night and havent managed to eat today, feel he's going to use the rubbish wife and rubbish mum against me.

ovoreo

What support network do you have to manage your depression? Something like this is big and you need support. Best friend, family, counsellor, gp? You don't want a relapse, you need to remain strong for your children. Try not to make any quick decisions about anything other than getting benefits sorted so you don't get into debt on them and ctax is a good one as you hopefully now qualify for a reduction.

You are going to feel a whole load of differing emotions and your going to have to try and sort out out you feel about the situation. I think you need to establish if this is his cry for help and that you can work through things together or if he's already moved on and only just thought to tell you (sorry if that is blunt but I went through this 3 years ago although at this stage I hadn't known about the other woman).

Good luck.

POPPYOSCAR

lindyloo77 wrote: »

Thanks for the quick replies.
Harry- he has left me to be with another woman.
To be honest I'm so confused and if possible feel my heart has broken and I could die. Spent most of the day telling my 11 and 8 year old that we both love them. I've not said a bad word about their Dad to them and let them ring him earlier to say goodnight. All he said to me was he'll collect them from school on Tuesday.
I don't want to give the house up but feel he will get what he wants as he seems to think this whole thing is my fault. I'm sure most of it pobably is but do think he should take some responsibility.

Why do you think he will get the house because he thinks it is your fault? Fault does not come into anything anyway.

The house would form part of any divorce settlement so just don't worry about that now and with two young children to care for you are in a very strong position there.

You are obviously feeling very raw right now hope you have someone you can talk about this with ie family/friends.

You have your children try to focus on them for now and I wish you all the best.

kelloggs36

Don't worry about him trying to make you out to be rubbish - you would have to be spectacularly rubbish to have your children and home removed from you - honest! Focus on what you need to do for yourself and your girls and get it done. List them all and then set about getting it sorted out. First of all is to sort the money out - so contact tax credits and change the claim, contact the CSA and claim maintenance from him - as others have said it is 20% of his net income. Prioritise your bills - mortgage, council tax, gas, electric, water and food. Enlist help from friends and family re childcare etc. Good luck - you will have good and bad days, but you will get through it. YOu need to be practical first, emotional second.

Quenastoise

That was a cruel way to give you the news and no thought seems to have been given to how his daughters would feel either.

Please be look after yourself whilst your head is still reeling from the news and you are in turmoil. Like the others have said, you do have options. Please take the time to consider them when you feel a bit stronger.

lauzellen

Hes the one who has been unfaithful hun - that would outweigh anything he can throw at you.. you are a wonderful mother i'm sure. Him saying those things are a way for him to try and justify his behaviour to himself rather than facing up to the fact of the matter which is that he is the one in the wrong. Regarding the house do not leave! As you have the children he can not force you out and he is also liable for the mortgage still.. you really need to seek legal advice - do you have cover via the house insurance? Or there is the free 30min most solicitors offer. Have a look on this calculator http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx to see what you would be entitled to tax credits wise. If you are worried about finances once you have those figures do a SOA http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html and post it on the debt free wannabe forum and people will help you work out where you could cut back. Have you broached the subject of child maintenance? Do this ASAP as he has to realise it is still his resposibility to help provide for his children and to maintain a roof over their head.

Best of luck x

demir2424

Please stay strong for the children and think of the future - that is what I tell myself every day.

I found myself in a similar situation not so long ago. I was 7 months pregnant and my eldest was 22 months old - my soon to be ex husband came home from work, went upstairs, packed his suitcase and said that life was going too quickly in a direction he didnt like and that he needed some space and his social life back.
He had another woman and he wanted the house.

I found this forum to be very helpful. And some of the posters were really lovely and very thoughtful.

As others have already said, contact tax credits and get a single claim started, contact the csa and get a maintenance claim started, also look for a good solictor. My first solicitor advised me to move out of the family home and get on a free housing list and citizen advice told me to stop working, move into a bed and breakfast and live off benefits. I did neither.

My new solicitor has made it that I can stay in the family home until my youngest (who is now 1) turns 18, my ex has to pay the mortgage, but I forfit maintenance payments - which is fine by me. I still work and have a better job now.

I remember thinking that when he left my life was over - I cried for weeks, but now 17 months later - I would never take him back and me and my boys are doing ok. You will feel better in time - please go see your gp, even if it just for a chat if like me you don't want medication.

You are doing the right thing involving the children and not speaking badly of their dad, I have spoken badly about my ex infront of my eldest son (he is 3) and these days he is a very confused little boy.

My ex would and still does come and go as he pleases - he arrives in the middle of the night to see the boys or uses the house with his girlfriend when I am out. Unfortunately, there is not a lot to stop him doing this as it is still legally his home.

Speak to friends and family about your feelings, I didn't I tried to hide all my worries from the world and it did me no good.

Sorry for my rant. But just to let you know there are lots of people who have gone through or are going through similar situations and can understand your worries and feelings.

Please take care - you are not a useless wife or mum and your children will see this xxx

POPPYOSCAR

demir2424 wrote: »

Please stay strong for the children and think of the future - that is what I tell myself every day.

I found myself in a similar situation not so long ago. I was 7 months pregnant and my eldest was 22 months old - my soon to be ex husband came home from work, went upstairs, packed his suitcase and said that life was going too quickly in a direction he didnt like and that he needed some space and his social life back.
He had another woman and he wanted the house.

I found this forum to be very helpful. And some of the posters were really lovely and very thoughtful.

As others have already said, contact tax credits and get a single claim started, contact the csa and get a maintenance claim started, also look for a good solictor. My first solicitor advised me to move out of the family home and get on a free housing list and citizen advice told me to stop working, move into a bed and breakfast and live off benefits. I did neither.

My new solicitor has made it that I can stay in the family home until my youngest (who is now 1) turns 18, my ex has to pay the mortgage, but I forfit maintenance payments - which is fine by me. I still work and have a better job now.

I remember thinking that when he left my life was over - I cried for weeks, but now 17 months later - I would never take him back and me and my boys are doing ok. You will feel better in time - please go see your gp, even if it just for a chat if like me you don't want medication.

You are doing the right thing involving the children and not speaking badly of their dad, I have spoken badly about my ex infront of my eldest son (he is 3) and these days he is a very confused little boy.

My ex would and still does come and go as he pleases - he arrives in the middle of the night to see the boys or uses the house with his girlfriend when I am out. Unfortunately, there is not a lot to stop him doing this as it is still legally his home.

Speak to friends and family about your feelings, I didn't I tried to hide all my worries from the world and it did me no good.

Sorry for my rant. But just to let you know there are lots of people who have gone through or are going through similar situations and can understand your worries and feelings.

Please take care - you are not a useless wife or mum and your children will see this xxx

I find this quite incredible. You need a new solicitor.