Oh goodness I've messed up...advice please!

Caroline_a

You absolutely do have to get the CSA to make the father pay. They are his children, so he cannot absolve his responsibilities. If you don't know where he lives then the CSA will find him, they have the resources to do this, so long as you are prepared to give them as much information as you have. There is no point in taking the moral high ground as in 'I wouldn't take a penny from him if he were the last person, etc etc'.

Is there any reason you haven't done this so far?

alasia

Open university is free if you earn below a certain amount per year, midwifery courses are funded by the NHS.

My son is currently having speech and language therapy.

And I've already said, yes I will keep working. I currently do 2-3 hours every evening as well as while they are at work, I'll just swap the catalogue job for the tarot lines as it pays more.

alasia

Caroline_a wrote: »

You absolutely do have to get the CSA to make the father pay. They are his children, so he cannot absolve his responsibilities. If you don't know where he lives then the CSA will find him, they have the resources to do this, so long as you are prepared to give them as much information as you have. There is no point in taking the moral high ground as in 'I wouldn't take a penny from him if he were the last person, etc etc'.

Is there any reason you haven't done this so far?

Yes. For the sake of £35 per week (he already has an older child from a previous marriage, and yes he does see that child), it's not worth waiting 6 months plus. I'd rather earn that £35 myself, which I have been doing so far.

climbgirl

If you can keep working with them home from nursery in July and with a new baby, why send them to nursey now?! You might as well keep them at home and save the money.

Maybe your son needs the social aspect, but does the second child really need to go? Why spend the money if you can work without sending them?! It doesn't make a lot of sense on your budget... from the figures you've given earlier, you're not making enough in the income to make it worthwhile sending them.

I'd be wary of relying on the NHS funding midwifery courses in a few years time - with all the public sector cuts that are coming, it's far from certain that this will still be the case.

climbgirl

alasia wrote: »

Yes. For the sake of £35 per week (he already has an older child from a previous marriage, and yes he does see that child), it's not worth waiting 6 months plus. I'd rather earn that £35 myself, which I have been doing so far.

£35 a week will make a big difference on a budget that tight!

Earn the extra as you've been doing and get CSA to chase anyway, they will do all the work. Why would anyone in such a precarious financial position say no to an extra £35 a week?!? Even if it is a few months down the line.

Caroline_a

alasia wrote: »

Yes. For the sake of £35 per week (he already has an older child from a previous marriage, and yes he does see that child), it's not worth waiting 6 months plus. I'd rather earn that £35 myself, which I have been doing so far.

So you are happy to deprive your children of £35 x 52 x (say) 13 years? Total amount £23,600. You need to realise that this money is for your children, if you think you don't need it then fair enough, or you're not prepared to wait 6 months for the CSA to claim it for you, that's just crazy.

Can you not see that, yes, you can earn £35 yourself... but if the children's father is made to pay it will become £70? Additionally what if he suddenly lands a well-paid job - will you ignore it then?

Edit: Sorry climbgirl, our posts crossed.

alasia

Because once the tax credits are sorted (as I now know they will be) my youngest child's nursery fees will be paid for me - they pay me £60 extra a week which I pass onto the nursery.

Then whilst they are at nursery, I get 16 hours a week to do the tarot lines. It's easier for me to work days and get as much money as I can - first to clear off the arrears, then put towards the baby...then once it's born I will switch to doing the evenings as stated before - harder work for me, but means I'm still earning.

And the nhs has funded nursing courses for goodness knows how many years, but if it's stopped in 2 years time for some reason, I'll have savings by then to go towards it. Why put a downer on everything I say? Would you rather I sponged off income support for the rest of my life?!

alasia

Caroline_a wrote: »

So you are happy to deprive your children of £35 x 52 x (say) 13 years? Total amount £23,600. You need to realise that this money is for your children, if you think you don't need it then fair enough, or you're not prepared to wait 6 months for the CSA to claim it for you, that's just crazy.

Can you not see that, yes, you can earn £35 yourself... but if the children's father is made to pay it will become £70? Additionally what if he suddenly lands a well-paid job - will you ignore it then?

Edit: Sorry climbgirl, our posts crossed.

It'll be more than 6 months, and going by his recent disappearing act I wouldn't put it past him to do it again. The csa can't do an attachment of earnings as he's apparently working cash in hand. And he either won't remember, or just won't bother to pay every week.

It's simply not worth it; and I have thought it through you know.

Caroline_a

I don't think it's about putting a downer on everything you say, it's just you come here for advice, asking for help with rent arears, but dismiss getting maintenance, an extra £140 a month as if it's nothing.

That, to me, makes no sense at all, as does paying higher nursery fees than you are earning.

Edit: (after your last post that I crossed post with). So it's ok for him to carry on fathering children all over the place? Are you worried about him disappearing? I think you owe it to your children to at least try to get some money from him. If he is earning cash in hand then the taxman should be told!

climbgirl

Caroline_a wrote: »

I don't think it's about putting a downer on everything you say, it's just you come here for advice, asking for help with rent arears, but dismiss getting maintenance, an extra £140 a month as if it's nothing.

That, to me, makes no sense at all, as does paying higher nursery fees than you are earning.

Agreed, we're going round in circles here. Yes, it might be hard for CSA to pin him down but why give up before you even try? Surely that's being defeatist and putting a downer on things. Even if it results in no money, at least it might make him wake up to the idea that fathering children left, right and centre without providing for them is not very responsible.

You say in your last post that you're in a position to earn enough to clear the arrears and save for the new baby (although I'm struggling to see how from everything you've told us) - but you've come here for advice on clearing the arrears? If you can earn enough and afford the nursery fees at the same time to clear the arrears and save for the baby, where's the problem?!

Call your landlord / letting agent and explain the situation and organise a payment plan. You need to do that as soon as possible.