What to do?

Gleeful

January20 wrote: »

So it let's him off contributing to raising his kids and as a bonus he gets a single guy's life with possibly the added extras of being in a relationship when it suits him?

?

I wasn't commenting on the morality of the situation. I was just pointing out to the previous poster why the OP would be living apart from a man she has 2 kids with.

I'm anti 'milking the system' myself. The guy is obviously a loser, but unfortunately, there are plenty of them about.

January20

Gleeful wrote: »

?

I wasn't commenting on the morality of the situation. I was just pointing out to the previous poster why the OP would be living apart from a man she has 2 kids with.

I'm anti 'milking the system' myself. The guy is obviously a loser, but unfortunately, there are plenty of them about.

Please don't think I was attacking you lol! I just posted then saw your post and realised I hadn't thought about this side of the situation so wrote what you quoted.

I don't think I want to comment on the morality of the situation either, especially as the OP wants to work. I think I just realised I had been a bit naive in my thinking perhaps? But we don't know the whole situation as to why they don't live together so... no comment! and sorry if I confused you (that's what I do best )

Gleeful

January20 wrote: »

Please don't think I was attacking you lol! I just posted then saw your post and realised I hadn't thought about this side of the situation so wrote what you quoted.

I don't think I want to comment on the morality of the situation either, especially as the OP wants to work. I think I just realised I had been a bit naive in my thinking perhaps? But we don't know the whole situation as to why they don't live together so... no comment! and sorry if I confused you (that's what I do best )

It's ok, I think I am spending too much time over on the benefits board where the Witches of Eastwick hover, ready to attack anyone who dares to post. It's making me paranoid :rotfl:

January20

Gleeful wrote: »

It's ok, I think I am spending too much time over on the benefits board where the Witches of Eastwick hover, ready to attack anyone who dares to post. It's making me paranoid :rotfl:

Oh I understand and I promise I'm not like that! I need to be attacked first before I show my teeth lol!

... The benefits board scares me a little:rotfl::rotfl:

meplus5

Thank you for the replies and no offence taken, I know it's not an ideal situation. I think I just wanted to be sure that my feelings on it were valid and I wasn't being selfish by taking this job, hopefully one of the others I applied for may come up but at least in the mean time I will be working even if it means I have to spend two evenings out of the house a week for now

brians_daughter

Spending 2 nights a week or days or whatever will be good for you. You will gain independance and tbh if it was me i would rather work whilst the children were sleping than awake..much less time away from them that way. Good luck!

ailuro2

Take the job, who knows who is in thepub that can give you a job during the daytime when the kids will be at school - and I do agree any man who is big enough to father two kids should be big enough to provide you with enough money to look after them , or if he can't, then no tcriticise you when you're trying to do your best for them.

onlyroz

Tell him to take a hike.

pigpen

my immediate thought is he is flirting with the women in the bar/staff and he knows what the other guys are like and he doesn't want them to do it to you or for you to 'cramp his style.

Go for the job.. if you don't like it you can look for another one!

brisy72

my partner told me to read the comments you have left.....

i would like to add i found my partner a job in the day and theres lots of jobs to apply for.

The reasons for me not wanting my partner to not work at the club:

she will be working on her own and will have to lock up on her own late at night in a area that is known for drug dealers and takers.

Are two youngest 7 and 19months wont settle without her at bed times and the 7 year old who still sleeps in are bed and does"t settle till approximately 10pm.

my partner"s mother is retired and already looks after two other grand children and she will be looking after are 5 children up-to 3 nights a week.

i would like to add i have found my partner a job in the day so we will see if this helps her needs

as some one who has lost both there parents i know how precious are parents are, i know that i would not be asking my elderly mother to look after my children but want to be helping the grandmother more in there every day life instead.

we are trying to sort are relationship issues out and by working 3 night"s a week is only going to mean we will spend less time together working on being a family,,,

i"m glad she wants to work but the evening job puts pressure on other"s in the family ,

i am self employed and have had 3 days work in the last 3 months without any help from the government as i"m not into bleeding the system and i have offered with the financial side of things and paid every penny when asked.

The reason i go in the social club is because i"m not aloud to put my own children to bed , so i play snooker and don't drink and when my partner has settled are children she sends me a text and i go to hers,
which is around 10pm.

the club is 99% male customers from one of the roughest part of the city and there are many drug dealers/users that drink there.
they have gone through around 5 staff since christmas.

how would she be able to look after herself when she works on her own and locks the property up after closing time on her own in the dark,
it worries me how anyone can think that is safe.,,,,,,,

i don't drink i don't gamble i buy the kids and my partner things weekly ,
last week i spent over a £100 on them including a £40 pair of boots she wanted when she has lots of perfectley good boots,
if she was so worried about debt why let me spend money on boots she didn"t need

i"m not a violent person in fact i was in the security business for 15 years so i know exactly what goes on in bars and as my partner will tell you a loving farther who adores are children and they come first always,

the only reason"s for not wanting my partner to not work nights are for safety,the extra pressure put on her retired mother and are relationship..

i love my partner more than anyone and want to help with the financial problems .

i would just like to note i"m not a jealous control freak just a loving father who is trying to keep his family safe and together.

i want my partner to have a job and better herself but preferably in the day and in a safe environment and we can just put are youngest into child care while the other four are at school and it wont effect any one else ,

sorry it was so long and it does"t even scratch the surface .