What to do?

elvis86

Posts like this honestly make me want to put my head in my hands.:(

"Committed" enough to have two children together, but not committed enough to live together? He threatens to leave you because you want to take a job to support your kids (which he evidently isn't doing sufficiently) but he doesn't want you encountering other men who might flirt with you. And you're seriously here asking whether people think that's reasonable?

Are young women today really raised to think that this is all you should expect from your lives?

A relationship should be 50/50, the issuing of threats and ultimatums isn't how a couple should make important discussions. If he had genuine concerns about you taking this job, fair enough, discuss them. But ultimately, the decision would still be yours. You're your own person, even when you're with a man, he doesn't own you, !!!!!!!

liney

It's a job in a bar not a street corner. If the establishment is that rough then why would he be drinking there when he is supposed to be a responsible Father and partner.... The place isn't the issue, he is.

sausagesandwich19

controlfreak.com

is this a troll btw

juliethemuse

i have just noticed the bit about it not being fair on YOUR mum,
what on earth has it got to do with him, she's your mother not his,

Emmzi

I've been in a few social clubs in my time and it's been mainly old gals and girls; anyoone is serious search of totty heads into town and clubbing.

He sounds like an !!!! and I'd be taking the job AND getting rid.

Emmzi

and by the way, congrats on getting the job after month of looking! My partner would be delighted for me in your position!

January20

elvis86 wrote: »

Posts like this honestly make me want to put my head in my hands.:(


Are young women today really raised to think that this is all you should expect from your lives?

Excellent post Elvis and very good question! I am raising my daughter to be an independent and assertive young woman, but I see the lives, hopes, attitudes, etc of lots of other girls her age (and older) and do shake my head in despair!

ETA: To the OP, take the job. I worked in pubs when I was younger. It's hard but it can also be good fun. You meet lots of people, earn money and it's better than being on benefits or dependent on a controlling man

Gleeful

elvis86 wrote: »

Posts like this honestly make me want to put my head in my hands.:(

"Committed" enough to have two children together, but not committed enough to live together? He threatens to leave you because you want to take a job to support your kids (which he evidently isn't doing sufficiently) but he doesn't want you encountering other men who might flirt with you. And you're seriously here asking whether people think that's reasonable?

Are young women today really raised to think that this is all you should expect from your lives?

A relationship should be 50/50, the issuing of threats and ultimatums isn't how a couple should make important discussions. If he had genuine concerns about you taking this job, fair enough, discuss them. But ultimately, the decision would still be yours. You're your own person, even when you're with a man, he doesn't own you, !!!!!!!

She'll be living as a 'single mother' and getting more benefits than she would if he lived there.

January20

Gleeful wrote: »

She'll be living as a 'single mother' and getting more benefits than she would if he lived there.

So it let's him off contributing to raising his kids and as a bonus he gets a single guy's life with possibly the added extras of being in a relationship when it suits him?

wilykit

So, he knows you are struggling with money yet won't give you it? And has only agreed to give you it through blackmail?

I'm sorry but if you let him control this decision he will think he has the right to control what you wear, who you are friends with etc...I've been with somebody like this before and it really is horrible.

Take the job, and tell him where to go.

He might be surprised when you call his bluff and realise that you won't be walked over.

Good luck!