What to do?

Mojisola

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Edit to add: Cross posted and there is now more information. He's being a clod, a selfish, manipulative one, to boot. I suspect that in his heart of hearts, he knows that you are a gem that he is not cherishing and is now terrified that some decent man might try to snap you up. The broken promises over money issue says a great deal about him - you do realise that, don't you?!

Hear, hear!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

He's verging on domestic abuse.

Lose him. Permanently.


And take the job. After all, if he kicks off, you then have the advantage of a club full of burly men that would protect you/prevent him causing a scene.

sashadesade

So basically, he's using emotional blackmail because he doesn't want you to take the job for his own selfish reasons, despite the fact he knows how much you need the money, and he's stopped you from taking other jobs in the past too? Take the job, it will help your finances and get rid of this controling creep to boot - win-win situation!

Pixiechic

If you need the money, your husband/partner doesn't live with you or contribute. You have been offered a job and you have children to provide for, it sounds to me like decision made.

What benefit would you get from struggling with money, obeying an at best useless husband? Your children should not suffer for his jealousy and controlling behaviour. Might do you good to get out and meet other people. You might realise that you could well be selling yourself short with him.

durham05

tell him you want the job for the extra money, and its not up to him where you choose to work whether your in a realtionship or not.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It has just occurred to me that perhaps the guys at the club know something he is doing that he doesn't want you to find out about? Like another woman?

Dumping him still stands.

sassyblue

meplus5 wrote: »

Hi i didn't expect so many fast replies, thank you. His 1st reason was that he wouldn't be able to handle men trying to flirt with me ( his words ). Since I replied that I am a grown woman who is able to say no he has thrown every reason he can think of at me, it's unfair on my mum, Im taking time away from the kids and him, he wont be able to go there anymore and I'm being selfish to name a few. I've said if it was not a nice place to be I would leave.
He has said he will give me money not to do it but he's promised that many times before with different jobs and things and its never happened. I'm just trying to make sure I do the right thing.

I'm really sorry to say this but HE IS A CONTROL FREAK, he's searching for a way to make you NOT take the job but none of his reasons are true, except he can't bear to think of someone else chatting you up.

If you don't take the job do you honestly think he'll stump up the money he's promised? As you say yourself this is something he's prmoised many times before without it materialising.

The only way to proceed is to take the job if YOU want to and it's clear you do! You have bills to pay like you said and you are doing your best to work to pay them, why isn't he already stumping up the money for his kids and the mother of his kids??

You are the admirable one here, he is not. I don't know how you feel about him but honestly he is a loser for trying to stop you providing for your kids. If he's serious about you then he'll let you take the job, if he threatens you or walks away over it, then to be honest - good.

He shouldn't be so insecure and dress it up as 'concern' - be warned, next you won't be able to see certain people or go certain places - if that isn't the case already.

Sorry if this is harsh, but l speak from experience.

sashadesade

OP, can you explain his reasons why he can no longer go there if you're working there? Because the only reason I can think of is that he goes there to act single and meet other women, as someone else suggested.

ema_o

I don't like the suggestion that he would pay you not to take the job (despite the fact that he is unlikely to follow through on this based on past experience). This seems very controlling to me (over and above how controlling he is being telling you he will leave you if you take the job!)

Why would he not be able to go there any more (unless it is because he is looking after the kids while you're working, however I think you said your mum was going to do that).

Very worrying behaviour in my opinion, hope you can make the right decision.

balletshoes

meplus5 wrote: »

After months of looking and applications I have finally been offered a job, it's in the social club at the end of my road. My problem is my boyfriend ( father of my 2 youngest ) who doesn't live with us at the moment has told me if I take the job we are finished. I really need the extra money as I have bills to pay. We cannot see each others point of view at all so I am posting this in the hope of getting some advise really.
Would you take the job or no??

why doesn't he want you to take the job there?