Diets & Relationships...

GEEGEE8

treetrunks wrote: »

just to throw in an alternate view, maybe theres nothing in this and he just acted in his normal way suggesting things you would normally get. As your trying to diet your more inclined to notice the things you dont want to eat. Not trying to be offensive but if your trying to lose 6 or 7 stone it seems strange that he would become insecure after 2 weeks of your diet. I would talk to him if you think its an issue and ask for more support on things like this. Try and involve him.

That's the thing though, we never normally get those things at all.. I've always been this weight but I don't look that heavy.. We are both into snowboarding and I'm much better at it than him (without boasting! ) so I don't let my weight hold me back and I'm actually more active than him!

He's always been insecure, but I think when I've been talking about taking up past hobbies and getting out and doing more, as I've become a bit of a hermit, then he's started to think about it more.

But yeah, it could all just be a coincidence and he's just being a typical bloke..

tara747

Sigh. Men and weight loss do not mix.

*subscribes*

burntfingers_2

GeeGee8

I have subscribed too to your diary so will try and support each other through the ups and downs of this.

Previously I was in a relationship whereby he started off at 12.5 stones he was/is nearly 6 foot so looked really good, then as time went by he bought more and more sweet stuff and would gorge on food just because it was there and that he couldn't bear the thought of anyone else having more than their share..I have known him eat 7 packets of crisps in one go.

Looking back he was a 'feeder' he couldn't bear the fact that other men found that I was attractive, so he encouraged me to eat more end result was 4.5 stones overweight when I originally met him...one year on after kicking his then 19 stone frame out of the door...I am 1 stone 7lbs lighter this I have lost in the past 6-8 months. At the moment though I am on a bit of a plateau and not really losing any but have being going to the gym so have been told that muscle weighs more than fat...so here's hoping...!!

I know for me I think I became overly sensitive to all the stuff that I couldn't eat, rather than focusing on what I could eat. I am going to go back to SW tomorrow night and knuckle down and get on with dieting and giving it a good go.

Only you know your OH and can tell whether he is deliberatley sabotaging your diet or whether HE feels deprived because of it and thinks that he can't have any treats....see how these next couple of weeks go and then if things don't improve then have a heart to heart with him.

Good luck bf xx

GEEGEE8

Thanks for the support

I went swimming last night.. since we moved in to our place together (last October) I haven't really gone out at all on my own whilst he's been home.. I go uni in the daytime etc, but he's at work anyway. So, he been saying I should go swimming, so last night I did and I don't think he thought I would, if that makes sense lol. I did half a mile (32 lengths) and had a really good session! I used to be a really good swimmer but have found it a bit boring in recent years, so I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. Probably because I'm getting out and doing it for myself and time away from home.

When I got back he asked how it went and were there more men or women haha. I just said there were more men, which there was.

Lost another 2lbs this morning - yay! 9lbs now, starting to feel it now, and really am feeling much fitter too.

Maybe he is worried I'll not be interested in him when I'm thinner, hopefully it won't cause us any problems though as I'm hardly happy with my weight, appearance or lifestyle at the moment. When I lived on my own, he did have a tendancy to make me feel guilty of I socialised without him though and because of that I kinda distanced myself from friends. I'm trying to get back in touch a lot more with people now and hopefully make new friends if I can join some clubs later this year when I'm thinner and have more confidence in my fitness levels.

Oh, also. The other day when I mentioned that I might start going swimming and gym some evenings, he straight away said if you're doing that then you won't mind me going and playing darts will you? I said, no I don't mind but I thought you wanted more free time on your own at home to relax? He said, oh yeah, I don't mean now... hmmm.. I really do think he doesn't like th fact that I'll be out and is trying to 'better me' as such.

The whole 'free time' at home came about because I'm ALWAYS at home.. I go uni in the daytime twice a week, and don't have a part time job yet. So when he goes work 7am-5pm, when he gets home I'm always here. So I brought it up and he agreed that he'd like to have the house to himself a little bit sometimes, which is absolutely fine and I was the one that mentioned it, hence me looking into swimming in the evenings and maybe gym (although I want to do it for me mostly, and get me out the house).

Just feel like he gets a bit 'catty' about stuff. For instance, if he was going football for the day and said to me 'right I'm going out to football now', it's like me saying, 'yeah sure, as you're going football then I'm going out to meet my mates for the day and have a laugh'. He wouldn't like that at all, and I don't know why?! What does he expect me to do, sit at home and wait for him? (yes!)

When I start going diving at the weekends he isn't going to like it at all.

Anyway, I've gone on far too long! Back to the diet and let's just see what happens! He might not be such an ogre after all, we shall see

burntfingers_2

Well done on losing another 2lbs :j

I am a bit of a plateau at the moment but the thought of getting on the back of a motorbike and skin tight leathers spurrs me on...*shudders* at the thought...:embarasse

32 lengths...OMG !! I don't think I have ever swum that far before although having said that I have passed my bronze personal survival test and struggled to do that, didn't learn to swim until I was in my teens and was always a poor swimmer nothing has changed since then...but used to love doing the atheletics, hockey, basketball, volley ball and trampolining...but that was the days when life was so much easier....

LillythePink

Yeh - he definately seems like he doesn't like the fact that you are trying to lose weight etc and does keep putting temptation in your way.

If he continues with the food, why not play the health card......high blood sugar etc - while I know it's underhand and lying - it's for a good cause - yes, he may not want to lose the slimmer you so wants to keep you fat, but I'm sure that he wouldn't want your health to suffer by feeding you sugar high cal foods all the time.

Always_Harassed

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Alarm bells are ringing loud and clear.

I heard them too. Think it would be a good time for a cut the c*ap talk. It might be a problem for him if you become more independent. If you discuss it now might stop it from becoming a major issue but if his insecurity and possible jealousy go unchallenged could ruin your relationship.

GEEGEE8

ha! started the night off with an argument tonight, apparently he thinks I've been 'off' with him and all hell has broke loose..

What does that tell you all?

burntfingers_2

Keep on doing what your doing and ignore his attempts to sabotage your weight loss.

Remember you are doing this for you ! That you are worth it and if he don't like it then its HIS problem and not yours.

He definately has insecurities, but if he says its because he doesn't want to lose you, then no amount of love justifies that. If that was the case then he would just be happy for you to be happy and support you through this journey.

If no amount of reassurance works...kick him out on his arris....you are the one that is important !!

Wootball

To be honest it sounds like you're just as insecure in the relationship as he is. Yes he might be afraid, but it happens all the time when people that lose weight suddenly find themselves bored with their old lifestyle and getting a new partner for the 'new them'. He has every right to be afraid and needs reassurance.

Saying 'kick him out' is awful advice - and simply validates the reason he was afraid in the first place. He is testing you sure, but all it takes is an explanation that you want to better yourself and become who you want to be, but need his help and want him by your side on your journey. Empower him to help you. The most important aspect of this is that you actually talk to him and explain the feelings you're having, rather than pouring it onto the internet. If you can't talk to him about this sort of thing I would have serious worries about the relationship in general.

Oh, and - men and weight loss don't mix? Do me a favour love.