Diets & Relationships...

jinky67

burntfingers wrote: »

Funnily enough I used to think the same thing, I made excuses for his poor behaviour as I knew what he had been through (or what he told me he had being through!!) but as he was a compulsive liar and very charming with it he was really believable

So I over compensated by being nice to him = him controlling me and getting me to do exactly what he wanted in a roundabout way.. he knew what words to say and to play the victim for the sympathy vote worked for such a long time...:(

:cool:

GEEGEE8

We have a winner lol...

I do think he's much more able to stay out late or do something if it's what 'he' wants.. such as football or going anywhere that he decides.. I've kicked up a big fuss about this in the last month or two, about not being available when I want to do things, and he is making more efforts now.

I think if I let him get away with stuff he wouldn't ever change, luckily I get stubborn and put my foot down and he seems to be bending under pressure lol..

burntfingers_2

oooooooooooo I took that as alarm bells ringing ......:)

GEEGEE8

My house is like a bleeding church with all the bells going off hahahaha

I'm gonna kick him into touch, just you see ladies ! he'll be a household god when I'm done !

Miroslav

I've not read the whole thread, but congrats to GeeGee for standing firm and changing her OH's ways.

My GF is very supportive to me. I don't want or need to lose weight, but must eat better as alot of foods are rejected by my body and I have severe reflux issues, so alot of foods are out or i'm seriously ill. No chocolate for 4 weeks has been very painful mentally and that's one thing that doesn't affect me if i'm careful with it.

On the other hand, everybody else is a nightmare. "One won't hurt" "It's not too spicy" "Are you sure it will cause you problems?" "You'll be fine" and I do get the issues with shopping - "What about this cake/pie/chocolate bar/burger"

The truth is, very few people understand and those that do, are worth their weight in gold.

GEEGEE8

Miroslav - good job you came along and posted as I don't think we've talked about diets for a few pages now, just about bad OH's lol..

I went through a stage of getting reflux, luckily it was temporary for me, but chocolate, coffee, spices etc just made it so unbearable! and I also had regurgitation with it too, so indian food going up your nose at 1am just was the most awful thing ever, you couldn't get the taste to go away, and indian food does taste like strong sick after a few hours.. ewww.. sorry, too much information.

My OH doesn't eat cheese, he just won't tolerate it, he isn't allergic we don't think.. so he gets really ratty when people scoff 'you don't eat cheese?! freak!'.. and yeah people have said that, so called friends, he finds it really hurtful and unfair.

I think with my OH, his mum has made him who he is, and unfortunately she is a little odd in her ways and attitudes, so he is gradually forgetting those old ways and seeing the light

If you read the rest of the thread, you will see my OH has many other issues than just the food thing and I think we are all thinking it's a control issue.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Hopefully with no arguement eh

Miroslav

:rotfl: Not unlike me to be late into a conversation Okay, maybe it is

Reflux is awful - and painful. Had to change everything and so far less pain, albeit some.

I understand the feelings with concern to peoples negative comments. About food or anything. Most people have no understanding of anything they don't experience. I hate Christmas Pudding and was, along with other things, force fed with a spoonwhen I was an adolescent as it was unacceptable for me not to like certain foods. The same person still demands things from me now and i'm mid 30's and peoples attitudes to things they don't experience makes them aggressive and stand off ish.

With regards to control, it could well be the case. I'm not saying this directly at you, but some people won't want their partners to lose weight or feel better about themselves as they may attract attention from others which would make the partner feel insecure about the relationship.

I've had 5 girlfriends in my life, all of whom are out of my league looks wise (I don't go looking for them!) and 2 of them were very controlling.

I'm not good looking, but one girlfriend inparticular had to make sure my hair was how she wanted, the clothes I wore were acceptable to her and she even made me change jobs so her friend could keep an eye on me in the new job. Never cheated, never thought about cheating or would have ever liked it to happen to me, yet she had to control me because of her own insecurities and I was at a very vulnerable stage of my life, so I went along with it.

How did the relationship end? Oh yeah, she cheated on me. Nice one

Diet is just one way to control someone and it's a very subtle way. I hope he gets away from his mothers ideas and attitudes full time soon, but it may take a while as old habits die hard.

GEEGEE8

It's always people who cheat or end up cheating that seem to have the issues in the first place isn't it?

Although, saying that, my OH is very loyal and I doubt he would do that. 1) he doesn't get the opportunity to meet and chat to other women 2) he's hard work 3) he trusts no-one apart from maybe me and his mum 4) he's shy and insecure in the bedroom and I can't see him having much fun with a stranger lol.

The insecurities, yeah, it's a tough one. I do think he wants me to lose weight, but then prob has insecure feelings and that may explain his erratic behaviour?

I'm lucky, I like all food! You wouldn't have to force feed me anything, especially not Christmas pud lol, although I had it this year and it wasn't as nice as I remembered lol.

& yeh, hoping mummys ways disappear eventually, he does seem to want to be his own person and a couple that share ideas about the home, so he is getting there slowly and starting to loosen up and change his view on some things. He knows he's too quick to say no to new ideas, but I do know he's working on it.

Miroslav

It seems to be, or those that have been cheated on previously (which she hadn't been). I now have those issues. I live terrified my new GF will cheat, though she is totally different and unlikely too. I'm no Brad Pitt and have nothing a woman would want apart from a big heart, which appears to be enough for now.

1. Do you think he resents not being able to meet other women, which may tie in with him seemingly not wanting you to lose weight, thus in his mind will make you more appealing to other men?

2. I'm hard work as well! Well, I can't measure, but sadly some people are so down on themselves they'll take anyone, hard work or not. Only this morning on my trip to the shop, some bloke was telling what I assume was his partner to 'make sure she's not here' (outside his front door) when he came back out. He'll say sorry later and she'll crawl back (I got the feeling she was on a piece of string) I don't all of your OH's details and wouldn't ask, but their would be someone who would 'take him on'. I despair sometimes as it took me years to find someone again, yet some people (like this morning and many more) seem to accept that they deserve little more than being treated so badly.

3. Trust is hard for us all. It's good he can trust you though, even if it appears he may be insecure about you 'improving' yourself. Does he have anything you can help him with in return, like some sort of goal?

4. I am too, but most blokes are, even if we've never had a negative comment. Just like women, we see images and hear things that make us think we have to be a certain way, and if we don't match up in all the categories, we start thinking down of ourselves. He may be Brad Pitt for all I know, but if he's not, he may see you improving yourself and start having doubts as to whether he would fit the new you.

I think insecurities may be what it is down too. I think we've all done it and sometimes it's never meant badly. He may just love you the way you are and is frightened of change. I sometimes cringe at what i've said/thought/done about my girlfriends through my own insecurities and i've always treated my partners like something very precious. I've made mistakes and wished I could go back and change them, but i've also had it in return. I'm very scared i'll be left again. Strangely though, I don't mind being 'under the thumb' a little bit.

:rotfl: I have so many hates food wise and most things I like I cannot eat because of health. Very bland lifestyle I lead

I think he'll just need time. Everybody is stuck in their ways when entering new relationships. All about time and compromise.

Hopefully it'll all work out for you soon and he'll encourage you and you can both enjoy the new you.

Apologies if i've covered old ground, i've not read the whole thread.

burntfingers_2

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

It's always people who cheat or end up cheating that seem to have the issues in the first place isn't it?

Afternoon

My !!!!!! hubby told me that ALL his previous girlfriends had cheated on him....that he thought that I would too....despite me not being allowed to go anywhere without him.... :eek:

4) he's shy and insecure in the bedroom and I can't see him having much fun with a stranger lol. QUOTE]

He too was always very shy in the bedroom, would cover up in front of me even though we had been in bed together...it didn't take him long to get his kit off for someone else, then told me 'what if I told you she was pregnant??!?!?!' .....my response .....eeeewwwwwww don't even think I would go near you again EVER !! :rotfl: