Diets & Relationships...

GEEGEE8

puddy wrote: »

you know sometimes the saboteur can be a real person, not intentionally, but the fact is all this is not making it easy for you to stop seeking comfort in food

my oh often tickles me if he feels uncomfortable with emotion, when i push him off me, he calls me aggressive. he finds it hard to see that physically intervening on me (tickling me) is both an attack and physically controlling me. this often comes in the middle of a serious conversation, so inappropriate. he often says he needs to 'snap me out of' whatever it is im talking about

Yep I totally agree, and OH is a tickler as well! Or if we are speaking seriously about something he tries to make a joke and I just don't laugh and then it's the usual 'oh come on, lighten up' etc etc... which really irritates me!

OH is very insecure and I wonder if this is all down to the insecurities and anything I do to try and increase my confidence is working against him..

P.s If they can put so much effort into tickles, why can't they put as much into a nice massage! :rotfl:

GEEGEE8

BF - I def don't think you have hijacked the thread and would be interested if you wanted to share anything more. Like you say, knowledge is power and if you can help to save me from going down the same slippery slope then all the better.

It's odd, because generally speaking he isn't a controlling person, I think it's selfishness a lot of the time, but then I look to past events and he has been very controlling.. or tried to sway my decisions to his.

I am going football with him in 2 weeks, he wanted me to go.. the seat next to him was sold out (he has a season ticket), so he's got two seats in another part of the ground and has asked if I want to go a couple more times before the end of the season (May).. so I know he feels bad about what he said about not wanting me there, although I'm still nervous about going as I feel hurt by it still. (wish I didn't).

One thing he didn't do yesterday was bring up any money issues, he usually does. A tit-for-tat about who has paid for what in the past, how I've used him, how he's been so stupid to have done that for me.. Even though I've given him as much as he has to me when I was in full time work, and even as a student I do get him gifts and things to the value of when I was working, so i'm far from stingy or a money grabber. It's just an easy target for him.

He has admitted that he tries to hurt my feelings in an argument, but the last few times he has actually stopped being personal with comments.. So maybe he is learning? Who knows? Maybe he is just trying new tactics?

I honestly don't think he is a devious man, just that he has BIG trust issues and one slight problem and for him it all falls down and all the hate and anger of whatever causes his trust issues gets directed at me.

As odd as it sounds, I don't think he even trusts his own mother, and I wonder if that's where the trust issues have come from?

burntfingers_2

funnily enough but not if you know what I mean...the !!!!!! didn't trust or like his mother at all....but it was always someone elses fault never his.

He was very selfish, say for instance we went to supermarket he would get the big family packs of crisps which were supposed to last for his meals throughout the week, plus some for the kids who took some for their packed lunches too, but then (and this is no exageration!! :eek:) he sat and ate 7 packets of crisps in one sitting. He couldn't bear the thought of someone else having any !! Then would moan and say that the kids had eaten them all....:mad:

It was the same with chocolate biscuits, he would hide them so that the kids couldn't eat them.... up to then I had always shared whatever I had with the kids and never had any issues with it :A but the amount of food we would get through cos he would eat them all, and then nag me until I went and bought more often demanding that I take money out on my credit card to buy him food for work etc. :mad:

Well the sun is shining here and tomorrow is another day, so just see how things go, especially when you have been swimming tonight...:T .....still haven't got round to doing my wii fit yet either

GEEGEE8

I think I mentioned before about the selfish food issue, my OH was the same.. but I have had it out with him and he is now sharing loads more.. he keeps saying 'our crisps', 'our ice cream' lol.. really trying to show that he isn't selfish with it anymore.

OH will say he loves his mum to bits, but I know he is just saying that because she is the only family member he has left that he is in contact with, he never knew his dad. So it's like he puts up with her regardless... The reason I say that is because she's never been here, he never goes out with her anywhere, just goes round for a quick cuppa for less than an hour once a week.. doesn't sound like such a great relationship to me.

Also, before we moved in together he would say that he had to go otherwise he wouldn't be able to get in, so I guess she would lock him out? Also, she turned her mobile off over xmas when we were away snowboarding, she's just generally very odd and I think my OH just doesn't know what normal is?!

I have got to say, in his defence, he is trying to change.. whether he will stop being controlling enough for us to get along long-term I don't know..

GEEGEE8

Don't mention Wii Fit! lol.. I'm thinking of sticking mine on eBay!

burntfingers_2

:mad:mine used to say that he hated his mother....but love and hate is a fine line.....but then I would come home and he would be around there....!?!??! But now I think it was because he was jealous of the relationship that I had with his mother as he did whatever he could so that I would not go around to see her, and if she text me or anything he would be really nasty about her and call her that fat lazy C**t which would drive me nuts....I was torn between the two to be honest. At least you don't have that problem, but by the sounds of things his mum was (is) a very controlling person too...

Well am sure that you will work out what is best for you and your OH whether thats a life together or apart I am sure that you will be okay in the future :A

:think: wonders if there is a glut of wii fits on ebay at mo, with everyones good intentions going out of the window :rotfl:isn't very :money:to have it sat there doing nothing especially with my debts....won't feel as guilty either if I aren't looking at it every day either ....:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Keep smiling

jinky67

burntfingers wrote: »

:mad:mine used to say that he hated his mother....but love and hate is a fine line.....but then I would come home and he would be around there....!?!??! But now I think it was because he was jealous of the relationship that I had with his mother as he did whatever he could so that I would not go around to see her, and if she text me or anything he would be really nasty about her and call her that fat lazy C**t which would drive me nuts....I was torn between the two to be honest. At least you don't have that problem, but by the sounds of things his mum was (is) a very controlling person too...

Well am sure that you will work out what is best for you and your OH whether thats a life together or apart I am sure that you will be okay in the future :A

:think: wonders if there is a glut of wii fits on ebay at mo, with everyones good intentions going out of the window :rotfl:isn't very :money:to have it sat there doing nothing especially with my debts....won't feel as guilty either if I aren't looking at it every day either ....:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Keep smiling

My ex used to talk about my Mum as well, she wasnt very happy with our relationship and I can see now he was trying to put a bigger wedge between us. He used to talk about my kids as well, which I didnt like either

GEEGEE8

I've said on a few occasions when OH has blamed me for his mum being 'pushed out', that I am more than happy to go round and have coffee, go out shopping etc etc.. and I say I've not been invited, and I don't invite myself round.. never happens though. I think we both know she has major issues with me / our relationship.. I just don't let it bother me anymore.. Less stress

I'm having a WKD Blue tonight

burntfingers_2

woooooooohooooooooo wkd blue....

I went to bed last night at 9.30pm I was sooooooo tired....slept til 5 am and then got back in bed til 7am when the alarm went off.

Did you manage to go swimming last night ???

Hope Uni is going well

Do you notice we don't mention the dreaded D word anymore?!?!?! :)

GEEGEE8

The only drink I like is WKD Blue, I must be a secret Chav! lol - oh dear!

I didn't go swimming in the end.. it was such a nice night I asked OH if he wanted to go for a drive and he did so I drove us to the Humber Bridge just as the sun was going down, paid £2.30 to drive over it lol, it was brilliant. I love bridges! even OH was really amazed hehe... then stopped off at Tesco and drove home, took 2hrs in total and was just good for us to get out of the house. Sometimes think we get stuck in a rut and that's why we argue.

Uni is going really well, had my long day in today, although it's only about 6 hrs, so nothing like a proper day at work. Going really well, I had a bit of a wobbler thinking I was on the wrong course and kinda decided to switch courses to Civil Engineering. Had it all worked out, and then I spoke to a few of the lads on my course today and they kinda talked me out of it, reminded me of the good points of Quantity Surveying and how it's also a great course with better job prospects at the end.. so I'm staying put and concentrating on what I originally set out to do. I'd love to do Civil Eng. but I don't think my grades will be as high as it's much harder and I don't want a 2:2 or 3rd class degree, otherwise it'll be worthless for me.

As it happens, the route I'm going I'll end up with a HND in Quantity Surveying, a degree in Commercial Construction Management (top up), then a degree in Quantity Surveying (top up), so 2 degree's and a HND.

I haven't been dieting anymore as such.. I feel like I just can't at the moment and am concentrating on trying to be less focussed on food all the time and trying to be generally happier so that I don't need to eat to comfort me.. It prob won't work and I'll be dieting forever more lol..

Hope everyone had a good day today, it's so nice with the recent good weather, wish it was like it all the time