Diets & Relationships...

jinky67

Glad you had a nice night

GEEGEE8

jinky67 wrote: »

Glad you had a nice night

Thanks Jinky, couldn't have done it without your help the other day x

jinky67

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

Thanks Jinky, couldn't have done it without your help the other day x

Anytime;):A

burntfingers_2

just dropping by to say hello and having a catch up...

Keep going your doing really well

GEEGEE8

Hey BF, Thanks it's been great chatting to you about all of this, really has helped me knowing there are others that have been through the same.

I feel really moody last night and today.. and for once it's me that seems to be causing issues, not sure why?

Last night OH was due to go to the football, mid week game, only happens once or twice a year.. I was planning on doing studying but he had bought me a ticket to go with him. It was a nice surprise but in all honesty I was tired after being up since 6:30am and would be back until 1am. But anyhow, we went, all was well although OH had booked tickets somewhere different so that we could sit together and doesn't really take to change very easily, so was stressy.

Got there at just gone 7pm, game starts at 8pm, 20 min walk, so I was having a sandwhich and drink and he was really rushing me, so that got my back up, just felt like I was in the way at that point. I know I'm taking things really to heart, but I can't seem to control it. He used to go to the football with his mother until last year when apparently (depending on what version of events you get), she said she didn't want to go / he can't afford to pay for her ticket anymore, so not sure of the exact reason why and havn't seen her since the season started so I'm none the wiser.

Anyhow, match went well, he commented at one point that I was 'too cucumber sandwhiches' for being a football fan. ?? I guess he means 'posh'? I don't even know why he said it, can't remember, but again, I took it to heart.

On the way back to the car we were talking about the Police outside the ground and I said I applied a few years ago, filled out the application but didn't send it and I was quite fit back then so would have passed the physical easily.. he said 'what went wrong since then lol'.. meaning my fitness, which again I took to heart.

Got back to the car and within 5 seconds he was sending a text, he kinda opened the boot for me to grab a drink and snack and he sat in the car and put the radio on and (It felt like) quickly tried to squeeze this secret text in. Anyhow, not a major issue, but I know it was to his mum.

So, I was a bit ratty on the way home, kinda felt a bit of a spare part and that I wasn't good enough to be there and felt like he would prefer his mum to be there

Anyhow, I know it's naughty but I looked at his phone when we got back, he had text his mum to say it was a good game but nothing major happened. But which really annoyed me was, when I ws waiting to leave the car park he was hanging around the boot and then started taking pics of the car (in the dark!), and when reading his texts he had again! text his mum (she doesn't actually reply to any messages as apparently can't text), to say he was leaving now and hoped traffic would be ok. Then he text again! when we were home to say he had got home and was a long drive.. (can't remember the exact words, it was 1am).

I dunno, am I being really silly? I know I shouldn't look at his texts and I'm not sure if he is doing this on purpose to wind me up, maybe he knows I look at his phone, although I'm very discreet. Why does he need to text her 3 times in the night to give updates on what he is doing? I don't feel the need to text my mum all the time... and the thing is, I'm sure he never used to text her but just recently he's been texting and ringing her after work before he gets home and going round every week.

This isn't me saying he shouldn't, but what's annoying me is the secrecy still! Why not just text his mum in the car and say, just texting mum to say we got here ok... but no, there is no mention of me and I wonder if she even knows that I have replaced her going to football.. maybe that's why he isn't exactly encouraging in my visiting her?

I feel moody and resentful today and it all seems so silly but it was meant to be a night out for us, why does he need to text his mum? especially as she doesn't even reply!!

I am quite sensitive as we went to watch the MotoGP earlier on in our relationship and I went to the toilet and then tried to call him to ask if he wanted a cup of coffee and his phone was engaged, so I asked when I got back and he said he'd rang his mum quickly.. fair enough.. then I went to find us an umbrella and tried to ring again and yep, you guessed it, engaged..! So I was getting annoyed at this point.. anyhow, the day was finally ruined when he rang his mum yet again at the end of the race when they were doing the podium and I watched it myself as he was telling mummy how the race had gone.. he hadn't even spoke in that much detail to me about the race!

I suppose I hold resentment from that, but seriously, he's 34yrs old!

I know I need to stop looking at the phone, but I can't seem to help it.. and the worst thing is I feel like I want to play games with him now to let him know how it feels..

GEEGEE8

Oh, nearly forgot to add..

I was a bit miffed and we decided to go bed, I had been holding it all together at this point and anyway when we went bed I asked what he was doing Mothers' Day weekend, he said he's at football Sat and then prob out Mothers' Day for a meal etc.. I said something like 'am I going football with you on the Sat', as he had been encouraging me to go again recently, and he said 'well no, I didn't think so'.. So I said, 'Oh right okay, just wondering as I won't see you all weekend then' (my parents live 150 miles away, so Sunday I would be out all day)..

Anyhow, he then started going on and saying why was I making him feel bad about the football as he's already paid for me to go for two games, I just stayed calm and said I wasn't having a go I was just asking what his plans were so I could arrange to go home, and as he is at football Sat and out Sun then I will go home for the weekend.

Well, he didn't like that and said we should discuss it tomorrow and I just said it's fine, you aren't inviting me to football so I'll go and do my own thing.. I'm actually thinking of going home Friday afternoon and coming back Sunday night or Monday morning.

Feel really bad, but I'm fed up of being pushed out when he feels like it and am going to start pushing him out now when I feel like doing something that doesn't involve him.

God, I feel so spiteful today

burntfingers_2

Hiya Gem

Sorry didn't reply yesterday was at a conference all day and this is the first chance I have had to get logged on....

In my honest opinion I think that he has some sort of underlying problem with relationships as in the fact that he can't cope with more than 1 to 1 relationship. He likes to feel in control and maybe this stems from his past who knows? With you going to your parents he cannot control you, you are not in his immediate vicinity and god forbid you might be having a good time without him!?!?!?

Plus if he paints his mum in a bad light then in theory you won't want to be involved with someone whose like that and why would you? So that way he keeps you to himself and he gets to keep his mum to himself too.


Having said all of that ....I know what you mean about wanting to treat him the same way as he is treating you. BUT you are worth so much more and besides who wants to go down to his level??? Plus he probably wouldn't even recognise it....besides its all your fault...don't ya know ?!?!?! Wrong !!!! He has serious issues with insecurities...

Go to your parents, stay as long as you feel necessary - the break will do you good...and enjoy some 'you' time and catch up with your old friends....let your hair down and have some fun....:beer: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Hope things improve for you soon xxx

GEEGEE8

Cheers BF, oh God it's so nice to not feel like I'm going mental here..!

I think you are right with only being able to deal with relationships one to one.. he is like it with everything and everyone and can't seem to cope with socialising. If we go snowboarding he will chat to people relentlessly because he wants to be liked, and then afterwards he will admit that he shouldn't have talked so much (because he didn't get much actual snowboarding done), or that we have said we'll go for one drink afterwards and ended up there for 2hrs + because he just can't seem to say he's going.. trying to please others.. even though I said numerous times let's go because he is up early the next day and I know he'll moan about it. I sound really controlling about that, but it was always me that wanted to go for a drink after and him who said no all the time, and so now when he does want to go, he goes over the top and stays for ages! (no drinking involved I might add, just a coke).

Anyhow, things are once again back to 'normal'.. we are going out for a meal tomorrow night at a place that is quite expensive compared to our normal Frankie and Bennies outings, we went about 18 months ago, and he suggested going tomorrow.

Just wondering when the next drama will raise its ugly head!?

BF - Any news on the job front and funding yet?

GEEGEE8

Oh, and I haven't been horrible, despite wanting to.. but a Uni mate (male) text me yesterday and I looked whilst OH was right next to me and he looked.. innocent email about Uni work, so I felt good to show that I have no secrets and other people to text me and I don't hide things.

Anyhow, like you say, no point lowering myself to playing silly games.. maybe he needs a normal person to show him what normality is?

Oh, and he hasn't been to his mums this week, *I know I'm obsessed about the mum thing* lol..

burntfingers_2

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

lowering maybe he needs a normal person to show him what normality is?

Funnily enough I used to think the same thing, I made excuses for his poor behaviour as I knew what he had been through (or what he told me he had being through!!) but as he was a compulsive liar and very charming with it he was really believable

So I over compensated by being nice to him = him controlling me and getting me to do exactly what he wanted in a roundabout way.. he knew what words to say and to play the victim for the sympathy vote worked for such a long time...:(

Been there too with the wanting to go out for a drink, if it was someplace that I suggested then he wanted to be home early and even more so if I was having a good time, but then that was usually met with slamming doors, sulking til eventually the violence all part of the wheel of control....if it was someplace he wanted to go to never mind that he was up early or something we would stay until he wanted to go home never mind that I had been up since 6.30 am and he hadn't got out of bed until tea-time.....(he worked nights and Friday day he stayed in bed) at 11ish I was tired and wanted to go to bed....he would come to bed with me and then insist on watching a dvd which he would turn the sound down lower but would continue to watch war films or whatever. The light from the TV lit up the room but he didn't care....

Maybe the night out together will do you both good and you can both air any problems, althogh if he goes into mega sulk mode then maybe not a good idea otherwise it will spoil your evening.....


Hope you have a good one....I got some good news today too but will let you come by and read my diary as I have blabbed on too much on yours....lol

ttfn
bf xxx