How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

The thing is, nobody has a 'right' to be at a person's wedding (yes yes, a church ceremony is public but good luck getting into a registry office if you're not invited, and what sort of boorish person would want to anyway?)

If a couple wants to get married in front of a registrar and two random witnesses, or run off to Las Vegas for an Elvis theme they are perfectly within their rights to! There's no law that parents, siblings, nieces, nephews or anybody else MUST be included.

Of course there is no law:rotfl:where has anyone suggested otherwise? My point (I cant speak for others) is that although it is personal choice, I can see why a sibling would be hurt by not having their children invited.

I am not suggesting that everyone should invite children ( I didnt have any at mine aside from my brothers 2 year old) just that I couldnt exclude a niece or nephew even if no one else had children there.

Person_one

andrealm wrote: »

No there's no law, people can get married without inviting close family, but the uninvited close family are perfectly entitled to feel upset about it.
Our families would have been disappointed I we'd done this and I'd be upset if my own children didn't invite me to their wedding.

Of course they are. But they aren't entitled to show up anyway!

I can understand the OP feeling upset, but I think it would be far more productive and healthy for her to adjust her attitude towards child-free weddings (which are increasingly common, and not generally a sign that the couple don't love the children in their family) rather than to look for offence where it seems none at all is intended. If she doesn't want to go she doesn't have to, but what would be the point of harbouring ill feelings over it?

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

Of course there is no law:rotfl:where has anyone suggested otherwise? My point (I cant speak for others) is that although it is personal choice, I can see why a sibling would be hurt by not having their children invited.

I am not suggesting that everyone should invite children ( I didnt have any at mine aside from my brothers 2 year old) just that I couldnt exclude a niece or nephew even if no one else had children there.

It was a figure of speech...and a lot of people seem to feel that nieces and nephews MUST be invited even if other children aren't.

If I was getting married, I think it would be unfair for my friends of many years to have to find babysitters only to arrive and see other people's children of a similar age attending.

Once you allow one child at a wedding, the event has to be child-friendly, so you may as well invite the lot seeing as your 'tone' isn't going to be how you want it anyway.

The only exception I think I' make is for mums who are still breast feeding very young babies (too young for pumped milk), as asking them to leave the baby at home would make it physically impossible for them to come.

slscarborough

Years ago a very close friend of mine planned on a child free wedding. At the time I was a single mum and would have been unable to attend as there was no-one I could have asked to have my son. So many of her friends and family had the same problem as me and in the end she changed her mind as she wanted her friends and family around her and this was the only way.

I think I would be very upset if my brother was to invite me to his wedding and not my children. I know it has now become very common for adult only weddings and I have declined several weddings due to this. Not being awkward but I have two small children and no-one to leave them with.

andrealm

Person_one wrote: »

Of course they are. But they aren't entitled to show up anyway!

I can understand the OP feeling upset, but I think it would be far more productive and healthy for her to adjust her attitude towards child-free weddings (which are increasingly common, and not generally a sign that the couple don't love the children in their family) rather than to look for offence where it seems none at all is intended. If she doesn't want to go she doesn't have to, but what would be the point of harbouring ill feelings over it?

I never suggested they should show up anyway! Child free weddings aren't uncommon, although I'm not sure that excluding nephews and nieces from weddings is all that common. Sometimes people invite the children of immediate family only.

I doubt that any offence was meant, but that doesn't mean the OP isn't entitled to be a little disappointed. It may not be that she doesn't want to go, but that she won't be able to, if she has nobody to babysit. Some people simply don't have anyone they could ask to take their children for an entire day.

space_rider

Friend of mine had a no children at the wedding rule. Only child was her husbands niece and my 18 month old daughter was allowed to come to the evening do as my sitter couldn`t have my daughter all evening. I wasn`t offended but she was very nervous about telling me. I don`t know why really, I think you should be allowed to have a no children rule if that is your wish. To be honest, it was nice for me to have the few hours without my daughter.

Torry_Quine

Person_one wrote: »

Of course they are. But they aren't entitled to show up anyway!

I can understand the OP feeling upset, but I think it would be far more productive and healthy for her to adjust her attitude towards child-free weddings (which are increasingly common, and not generally a sign that the couple don't love the children in their family) rather than to look for offence where it seems none at all is intended. If she doesn't want to go she doesn't have to, but what would be the point of harbouring ill feelings over it?

That is a very good point. Personally I don't understand why child-free weddings are popular and have never been invited to one. The main thing is that if you are invited it is a privilege but if there are restrictions some people should realise it is probably not personal.

Mupette

my wedding next year will be child free.. It's my wedding..

oooo bridzilla came out there

balletshoes

Everyone's situation is different, personally I would not be offended if my brother invited me and my OH to his wedding, but not my daughter, his niece. I would be absolutely fine with that, as long as the only other children there were his own. I would have someone who could look after my child while I attended the wedding though (if it were where he lives now).
But if distance/his venue meant I really did not have anyone who could look after my child, I would think my OH would take care of her while I went to the wedding.

Thmas_Covenant

elvis86 wrote: »

I'm sorry, but this part of your post really winds me up. So what you're essentially saying, is that unless someone considers your children and puts your desire to take them everywhere above their own desires on their wedding day, they are not "truly thoughtful"..? What a load of "holier than thou" rubbish!

I completely understand why you were unfortunately unable to attend your friends' wedding, but for God's sake they're not bad people for wanting their wedding day to be the way they want it!

To me, a wedding is about the bride, groom and family (including kids) and friends (including kids) - I want everyone to be happy and to feel included. I understand what you are saying, but I don't agree - some people are just more thoughtful than others :A:rotfl: