How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

Person_one

andrealm wrote: »

Personally I would politely decline as we have no one to babysit. If they choose to have a child free wedding they have to accept that some people simply won't be able to attend. Tbh, I understand that some people don't want children at their wedding, but if it was very close family I'd be a little hurt that they didn't want them there. I wouldn't say anything, but I wouldn't feel under any obligation to attend the wedding in these circs.

If you really want to go and have someone that can babysit, then go. If not just decline the invitation.

Would you be hurt if a child niece wasn't invited to the hen night? Or a male child to the stag night?

Just because weddings are traditionally family knees up type events doesn't mean there's a rule that they have to be that way. Maybe this couple want a posh quiet dinner followed by a boozy evening dancing with friends where they don't have to worry about accidentally falling over twirling little girls or boys sliding on their knees!

I love my nephew more than anything, but I don't automatically invite him to every social event or even every family event. He comes when its appropriate. To some people a wedding is always a place for children, to others its something entirely different.

Also, add me to the list of people who was always bored to tears at weddings as a child. They're still not my favourite way to spend a Saturday to be honest!

(Edit, of course you're under no obligation to attend, you never are! I think anyone who has a child free event, or who knows any parents at all, understands that they can't always be at everything, children seem to be quite time consuming!)

Torry_Quine

ali-t wrote: »

That's correct, I for one don't send my parents or siblings cards on their birthdays I see them in person. Now is that the modern way you don't want?;)

I see those in my city. Not always possible to see them on the actual day though is it. Still post them a card though as it's lovely to get one in the post. Am I really the only one who knows all my relatives postal addresses including aunts and cousins who are not all in this country so have to rely on post anyway?

andrealm

Person one, no of course I wouldn't be hurt if they weren't invited to a hen or stage night! Why on earth would I? That's a totally different type of occasion. Likewise I wouldn't expect my husband to be invited to a friend's hen night, but I'd be a bit surprised and hurt if he wasn't invited to a wedding with me.

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that was totally child free. I wen to a few family weddings as a child and enjoyed them, and I invited children to mine. They all behaved very well,anyone I know would take their children out if they started to misbehave during the ceremony, for instance.

As I've said it's their choice not to invite children, fine as long as they understand that some people won't be able to make it. However I have heard of people who declined invitations due to not having a babysitter,where the bride then took the hump because they weren't
coming. They can't have it both ways!

poet123

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I see those in my city. Not always possible to see them on the actual day though is it. Still post them a card though as it's lovely to get one in the post. Am I really the only one who knows all my relatives postal addresses including aunts and cousins who are not all in this country so have to rely on post anyway?

No, I know all mine too;) and friends.....

Janepig

Their wedding, their rules. I had my wedding the way I wanted it (more or less) - I know my mum would have liked us to have had more of a fussy day, but that's just not me and in fairness to her she didn't make a fuss and went along with it, where alot of "mothers of the bride" would kick off.

It's not about being thoughtful or not, it's about having your wedding your way. If you don't want children there then everyone should respect your wishes. It's the same with some families where you have cousins you see all the time and cousins you never see, some who get invited, some who don't, and then it all kicks off again. Same with children, you invite some children to keep people that you know will cause a problem happy, then you run the risk of upsetting others.

Personally I would rather go to a child free wedding, it would be a rare occasion for me to go to a do without my children, who I know would be bored by proceedings, and I'd be on pins making sure they behave themselves. Maybe the people who are so pro-children at weddings are the ones who let their kids run riot while they enjoy themselves and ignore them, spoiling it for everyone else!! <ducks >

Jxx

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

Would you be hurt if a child niece wasn't invited to the hen night? Or a male child to the stag night?

Just because weddings are traditionally family knees up type events doesn't mean there's a rule that they have to be that way. Maybe this couple want a posh quiet dinner followed by a boozy evening dancing with friends where they don't have to worry about accidentally falling over twirling little girls or boys sliding on their knees!

I love my nephew more than anything, but I don't automatically invite him to every social event or even every family event. He comes when its appropriate. To some people a wedding is always a place for children, to others its something entirely different.

Also, add me to the list of people who was always bored to tears at weddings as a child. They're still not my favourite way to spend a Saturday to be honest!

(Edit, of course you're under no obligation to attend, you never are! I think anyone who has a child free event, or who knows any parents at all, understands that they can't always be at everything, children seem to be quite time consuming!)

Those events are not comparable as they are by nature of venue, content, etc, adult only. It is, of course, personal choice but to me nephews and nieces are very close family, and would, therefore, be invited to a family event.

By your definition of a wedding party night elderly grandparents who are maybe not as mobile as they once were, could be excluded too.;)

I am not particularly pro children at weddings per se, but coudn't exclude my nearest and dearest.

Person_one

andrealm wrote: »

Person one, no of course I wouldn't be hurt if they weren't invited to a hen or stage night! Why on earth would I? That's a totally different type of occasion. Likewise I wouldn't expect my husband to be invited to a friend's hen night, but I'd be a bit surprised and hurt if he wasn't invited to a wedding with me.

But if the hen night was an alcohol free spa-type evening then its conceivable that a child could be invited. I know of young bridesmaids (12/13) who've gone on child friendly hen nights.

The thing to realise is that the 'title' of the event doesn't tell you everything about it. Its entirely possible that a hen/stag night could be child friendly, or for couples just as its entirely possible that a particular couple's wedding is not an appropriate place for children.

Weddings used to be pretty homogeneous, there's a lot more variety now, both couples and guests need to adjust.

I don't think anyone would suggest that a couple can 'have it both ways' in regards to this.

Sparkle80

We had no children at our wedding, not everyone agreed with it but it was our day and our choice.

A cousin of my husbands went as far to say that her and her husband knew it was no children but they would bring their two kids anyway (as, in their words, they were nearly in their teens so therefore nearly adults) and would bring a friend of one of the kids along also to keep them entertained!!! Thankfully my mother in law offered to pick up the phone and politely tell them that unfortunately they couldn't bring their children (or the friend! :eek:) , this resulted in them turning down the invitation for all of them.

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

Those events are not comparable as they are by nature of venue, content, etc, adult only. It is, of course, personal choice but to me nephwes and nieces re very close family, and would, therefore, be invited to a family event.

By your definition of a wedding party night elderly grandparents who are maybe not as mobile as they once were, could be excluded too.;)

I am not particularly pro children at weddings per se, but coudn't exclude my nearest and dearest.

The thing is, nobody has a 'right' to be at a person's wedding (yes yes, a church ceremony is public but good luck getting into a registry office if you're not invited, and what sort of boorish person would want to anyway?)

If a couple wants to get married in front of a registrar and two random witnesses, or run off to Las Vegas for an Elvis theme they are perfectly within their rights to! There's no law that parents, siblings, nieces, nephews or anybody else MUST be included.

andrealm

Person_one wrote: »

The thing is, nobody has a 'right' to be at a person's wedding (yes yes, a church ceremony is public but good luck getting into a registry office if you're not invited, and what sort of boorish person would want to anyway?)

If a couple wants to get married in front of a registrar and two random witnesses, or run off to Las Vegas for an Elvis theme they are perfectly within their rights to! There's no law that parents, siblings, nieces, nephews or anybody else MUST be included.

No there's no law, people can get married without inviting close family, but the uninvited close family are perfectly entitled to feel upset about it.
Our families would have been disappointed I we'd done this and I'd be upset if my own children didn't invite me to their wedding.