How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

It was a figure of speech...and a lot of people seem to feel that nieces and nephews MUST be invited even if other children aren't.

If I was getting married, I think it would be unfair for my friends of many years to have to find babysitters only to arrive and see other people's children of a similar age attending.

Once you allow one child at a wedding, the event has to be child-friendly, so you may as well invite the lot seeing as your 'tone' isn't going to be how you want it anyway.

The only exception I think I' make is for mums who are still breast feeding very young babies (too young for pumped milk), as asking them to leave the baby at home would make it physically impossible for them to come.

Those children would be immediate family not just "other children" I know I would undertand their inclusion and not my own if a friend did that.

I don't think inviting few children to a wedding necessitates it being child friendly in the sense that you need incur additional expense entertaining them. On the occasions we have taken ours to weddings we have been responsible for ensuring their behaviour and contentment, not the hosts.

I don't think nephews/nieces MUST be invited, I just think that if they are not it doesn't say much for family closeness, in my opinion.:D

Janepig

Thmas_Covenant wrote: »

To me, a wedding is about the bride, groom and family (including kids) and friends (including kids) - I want everyone to be happy and to feel included. I understand what you are saying, but I don't agree - some people are just more thoughtful than others :A:rotfl:

And you are well within your rights to agree or disagree. Your wedding, your way. Naff all to do with being thoughtful or not. In fact I think it's thoughtful of the OP's brother not to have children there, thus ensuring that the adults attending will have an enjoyable time.

Jxx

Janepig

balletshoes wrote: »

Everyone's situation is different, personally I would not be offended if my brother invited me and my OH to his wedding, but not my daughter, his niece. I would be absolutely fine with that, as long as the only other children there were his own. I would have someone who could look after my child while I attended the wedding though (if it were where he lives now).
But if distance/his venue meant I really did not have anyone who could look after my child, I would think my OH would take care of her while I went to the wedding.

Same here, I wouldn't be worried, or take his decision personally. And even if I did, then I wouldn't concern him with it - those organising a wedding have enough to concern themselves with to worry about who they have or haven't offended.

Jxx

Nicki

I'm pretty sure this isn't the modern phenomenon people suggest. I'm on my 40's but I didn't attend my first wedding until I was about 19, though I clearly remember my parents going off to friends weddings during my childhood and leaving us with babysitters.

What is perhaps a modern phenomenon is that some parents say they have no one they could ask to look after their child while they attend. I think that's sad. We don't live near family on either side, but I do have friends who I could ask to have my children for a whole day (or even overnight) to attend my own brother's wedding, and I would do the same for them. And I have 3 children one of whom is disabled so not the easiest of circumstances. For those who say they have no one they could ask, what would they do in an emergency? I wouldn't take advantage of my friends and ask them to have my kids if it wasn't important, but surely a brother's wedding would fall into that category?

The other option, which no one has mentioned is to take the kids with you and book into the same hotel the wedding is in. Then mum and dad can take it in turns to look after the children outside the wedding while the other enjoys the reception. Obviously one of the parents will then have to miss the ceremony to look after the kids, unless they want to do a Miss Haribou and put the bride's nose out of joint!

carolineb23

Thmas_Covenant wrote: »

To me, a wedding is about the bride, groom and family (including kids) and friends (including kids) - I want everyone to be happy and to feel included. I understand what you are saying, but I don't agree - some people are just more thoughtful than others :A:rotfl:

But it's the bride and groom's wedding not the rest of the families wedding! How can you say they are not as thoughtful because they aren't inviting children? It's completely the bride and groom's choice. Why is it not as thoughtful? It's just a different choice to the one you would have made, it's no less valid. And as another poster mentioned, there may be an extremely valid reason for that request such as fertility issues. I don't agree at all.

poet123

Nicki wrote: »

I'm pretty sure this isn't the modern phenomenon people suggest. I'm on my 40's but I didn't attend my first wedding until I was about 19, though I clearly remember my parents going off to friends weddings during my childhood and leaving us with babysitters.

What is perhaps a modern phenomenon is that some parents say they have no one they could ask to look after their child while they attend. I think that's sad. We don't live near family on either side, but I do have friends who I could ask to have my children for a whole day (or even overnight) to attend my own brother's wedding, and I would do the same for them. And I have 3 children one of whom is disabled so not the easiest of circumstances. For those who say they have no one they could ask, what would they do in an emergency? I wouldn't take advantage of my friends and ask them to have my kids if it wasn't important, but surely a brother's wedding would fall into that category?

The other option, which no one has mentioned is to take the kids with you and book into the same hotel the wedding is in. Then mum and dad can take it in turns to look after the children outside the wedding while the other enjoys the reception. Obviously one of the parents will then have to miss the ceremony to look after the kids, unless they want to do a Miss Haribou and put the bride's nose out of joint!

Me too, but not the weddings of immediate family.

ellay864

It really has to be the choice of the couple getting married...guests should respect their wishes, equally if a couple wanting a child-free wedding get declines from people with children they should respect guests wishes to stay with their children ahead of coming to the wedding. It's not a case of how thoughtful the bride and groom are - if they are really close to their family and enjoy family events with children, then they'll invite them; if they want a more grown up affair they may choose not to. But cost is also a major factor. In many cases venues won't offer a child meal, many don't have a mneu choice, its just one food option. So with the exception of very young babies, there's the prospect of sitting a child at a fancy meal that they just won't eat, and paying out a lot of money for it. If we had kids at our wedding we'd be paying around £30 a time for the meal - if you had a lot of children that's potentially a lot of extra cost that the couple may prefer to spend on adult friends and family.
At the end of the day, for whatever reasons, it's the choice of the couple getting married - their big day to have as they want it.

Torry_Quine

carolineb23 wrote: »

And as another poster mentioned, there may be an extremely valid reason for that request such as fertility issues.

I am old-fashioned enough to think that before someone is married they should be totally unaware of any fertility issues. That said if this is a problem the last thing you would want is very happy children all over the venue.

onlyroz

Nicki wrote: »

What is perhaps a modern phenomenon is that some parents say they have no one they could ask to look after their child while they attend. I think that's sad.

This is because, on the whole, people live a lot further away from their families than they would have done 20-30 years ago - it's only recently that I've had access to babysitters, because my parents chose to move closer to me. I personally would never consider hosting a "child-free" wedding/party/day-out - but I understand that a wedding is about the couple and their wishes, and I would respect that if I was invited to a child-free event.

andrealm

I would call upon people in an emergency, but a wedding isn't an emergency. Most of my friends have other friends or relatives they would ask before me, so I wouldn't want to impose on them for a whole day unless it really was an emergency. It might be different if it was just for a couple of hours.

As a child, I was always invited to family weddings. I think once my parents went to a friends evening do that I wasn't invited to. I don't think they would have asked anyone to look after me for a whole day or overnight.