How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

andrealm

cazziebo wrote: »

Me too! I'm one of five and don't know addresses for any of my siblings. I have their mobile numbers, email addresses and they are on my facebook. I know where they live, and how to get in their house if they're not in. Don't think it's that strange.

The "no kids" rule has to be universal. You can't allow some kids in and not others. Imagine the stushie if an exception was made for one family! If I was to marry my current OH, having children there would quadruple the number of guests - that dramatically changes the cost, location and type of wedding. A wedding is about the couple getting married. It's their day, their wishes are paramount.

I would advise the OP to get a babysitter, even if it's only just for the ceremony. This is your brother's wedding.

I disagree, if we were invited to a friend's wedding without kids, we'd completely understand if they had nephews and nieces there, as they are close family, but friends' children aren't. You may be limited by numbers, space and cost, which is why you may invite children from the immediate family only.

However, you are under no obligation to invite nephew and nieces. And the OP is under no obligation to attend the wedding, perhaps they aren't very close. If the brother has chosen not to invite the children, then they should understand if the Op isn't able to go. It's at the other end of the country, a long way to travel just for the ceremony.

teasleym

Friends of ours got married last October and asked politely on their invites if people had babysitters they could leave their children with not to bring them to the wedding but if not they would be welcome. Most of our friends took this as a chance to have a day/night off (especially me, leaving my 4 year old with Grandma and it was the week before my youngest was born!).
There were children there, neices, nephews, and others where people needed to bring them (due to distance, no babysitters etc), and most parents brought their own entertainment for them.

But those who had babysitters, had not all got overnight care so many had to leave the evening reception early, which I felt spoilt the evening somewhat, if they had been able to bring them, they may have stayed later, but many had to rush off after the meal to get back in time to put the kids to bed etc.

So I suppose even if you don't want the children there, and your friends still come they may not be able to share the full day.

ps. For my wedding I just let everyone come, had a v mse wedding, hired a barn from the local council and had "cheap" caterers and as some people decided to travel down for the evening reception and booked a hotel, I felt I couldn't exclude them from my full day! One of the best memories everyone has is the groom and his male friends playing football outside with the children. In fact at every wedding since it has to be recreated!

nearlyrich

My brother's ex decided to have a no children wedding my DD was a month old and fully BF as was my niece, the upshot was all the people who I would have trusted to look after my two were at the wedding ( my ex's mum was not a hands on gran) the wedding was 20 miles away so I couldn't go.

Fuzzy_Duck

andrealm wrote: »

I disagree, if we were invited to a friend's wedding without kids, we'd completely understand if they had nephews and nieces there, as they are close family, but friends' children aren't. You may be limited by numbers, space and cost, which is why you may invite children from the immediate family only.

However, you are under no obligation to invite nephew and nieces. And the OP is under no obligation to attend the wedding, perhaps they aren't very close. If the brother has chosen not to invite the children, then they should understand if the Op isn't able to go. It's at the other end of the country, a long way to travel just for the ceremony.

But how would you KNOW they were close family? You probably wouldn't, unless the bride and groom told you. And why should they waste time explaining why some kids were invited and some weren't- it's just an added stress they don't need.

I suspect that a lot of couples would find it even more hassle inviting some children and not others, as they'd feel obligated to explain the reasons why. It's a lot easier to have an adults only wedding with the hope that the parents invited will see it as a nice change to be away from the kids for one night.

Must be said if it were me, I'd just tell my brother my worries. I'm sure he'd be reassuring and understanding if I couldn't/didn't want to go after all. As frugalmacdugal says though, OP may not be posting again anyway.

andrealm

Well, I tend to know if my friends have nieces or nephews:) if not, I'd assume that any children I saw were probably close family, if mine hadn't been invited. And I wouldn't query it, so they wouldn't need to explain themselves to me. If I had to limit children because of numbers and costs, I'd probably just put a little note on apologising for the fact that we could only accommodate the children of immediate family. I'd rather someone just came out and said it in a straightforward way, rather than dress it up as though they're "giving you the chance to have an evening away from your children" I mean, you can do that anyway, you could choose to use a babysitter even if they're invited.

Person_one

andrealm wrote: »

Well, I tend to know if my friends have nieces or nephews:) if not, I'd assume that any children I saw were probably close family, if mine hadn't been invited. And I wouldn't query it, so they wouldn't need to explain themselves to me. If I had to limit children because of numbers and costs, I'd probably just put a little note on apologising for the fact that we could only accommodate the children of immediate family. I'd rather someone just came out and said it in a straightforward way, rather than dress it up as though they're "giving you the chance to have an evening away from your children" I mean, you can do that anyway, you could choose to use a babysitter even if they're invited.

But...what if you genuinely prefer to have just adult company at your wedding?

andrealm

Person_one wrote: »

But...what if you genuinely prefer to have just adult company at your wedding?

Then invite adults only, but don't be surprised if people are a little hurt by the exclusion of nephews and nieces, or are unable to attend because of childcare issues. Your choice who to invite, their choice (or not) whether to accept or decline the invitation.:)

Person_one

andrealm wrote: »

Then invite adults only, but don't be surprised if people are a little hurt by the exclusion of nephews and nieces, or are unable to attend because of childcare issues. Your choice who to invite, their choice (or not) whether to accept or decline the invitation.:)

Then I suppose we agree!

peachyprice

Hobo17 wrote: »

Yes, but is a long way away so is likely to involve staying over the night of the wedding - so they would be heading home on the 24th.

A moot point really, perhaps they wouldn't have gone even if the children were invited. Afterall, would they want to risk not getting home for Christmas if we had a December like last?

busiscoming2

They obviously want a child free wedding. That is their choice so now its your choice whether you go or not. Simple.