How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

Imelda

I had a child free wedding 2 yrs ago and do not regret it for one moment. My niece was 2yrs old at the time, was at the ceremony (where she had a HUGE tantrum meaning my BIL missed the service) and then went home with her grandparents (BIL's parents). She was bored rigid.

Our reasons for not inviting children: we had a guest list of 100 (and that was greatly whittled down, I have 30 cousins!) and if their children came there would have been 23 children under 5 there :eek: It would have been a kids party, not what we wanted. We even investigated having nannies to look after the children in an adjacent function room but a) it was massively expensive and b) my friends said they wouldn't leave their children with the nannies anyway.

Five friends had babies within a few months of the wedding so they were invited for practical reasons- only one took up the offer, the rest wanted to come without their offspring.

I really do not think weddings are a place for children, the only part I can conceive they would be interested in is the evening disco, sliding over the dance floor on their knees but at the same time I do not agree with parents drinking with their children present- it should be one or the other. The argument about people having to leave early if they have babysitters is rubbish, depending on the kids' ages they will be leaving by 9pm with tired, tetchy kids in tow.

Lastly, it is up to the couple who they invite. It drives me mad that people get so het up about an invitation to a wedding. To me, it is a privilege to be invited. If there are conditions attached it is up to me to accept/ decline and not to challenge them.

slummymummyof3

When we got married we had a 'no children' request for our wedding for a number of reasons:

We were paying for the wedding and had a really limited budget as we had a mortgage
We thought it unfair to expect children to remain quiet during the ceremony/meal/speeches
It was going to be OUR day and as such we wanted to do things OUR way

My sister took great offence to this and turned up regardless with her 2 children, who were dressed in clothes to match my bridesmaids (she thought her children should have been asked to be a flower girl and a page boy) by turning up with the children like that, she thought I would see 'how cute' they looked and change my mind!! We were really cross because not only had she deliberately gone against our wishes, it was obviously premeditated (with the matching outfits) it also messed up the seating plan etc etc. Her husband was unable to attend due to work commitments and to be quite honest she didn't have the easiest day because the children became very restless and cried lots, so she spent most of her time outside!

JC9297

ilikewatch wrote: »

The last 3 weddings I have been to have all been child free, and I must admit that I have enjoyed them so much that I'm determined my own wedding will also be child free.

Just thinking when people talk about child free what age are you actually talking about, as I guess it is children playing up, running around that actually 'spoils' it for others. A young baby who is being breast-fed will not intrude on anyone's day. My son was 11 when my sister-in-law got married and he was more than capable of sitting at the table with adults and joining in with conversations, but know lots of kids have not learned to do that by that age.

poet123

esmerelda98 wrote: »

Parents these days seem to worship their children. They are given so much materially and so little is expected of them. Most childen don't have much in the way of chores, discipline is very relaxed compared to these other countries you are looking at wistfully. Contrary to your viewpoint, I think children rule the country. Adults are afraid to confront bad behaviour they see in public, because if the children don't give you a load of abuse, attack you or start a campaign of intimidation against you, their parents will surely go straight to the police if the adult so much as touches the child in restraint. I get the impression that where there is a dispute involving adults and children the police take a hard line with adults, whereas the 'children' (large, aggressive teenagers hunting in packs are still children) get chance after chance. I think placing children on a pedestal is very damaging to families, not to mention that if you do you are building a rod for your own back.

I agree with you regarding the above, but the act of including the children of very close relatives in family occasions is does not equate to that imo. What equates to that is not setting boundaries and behaving like a friend rather than a parent.

I have attended many supposedly "child free" weddings, but that did not extend to the children of immediate family as most of the time they had been given a role to play. Is it not usual for the nieces or nephews to be flower girls or page boys, or ushers? it is in my family and in the families of my friends.

Of course, if the invite excluded them you wouldn't take children, that would be extremely rude. However, I just find it sad that family values have been eroded to the extent that it is considered the norm to exclude your own immediate family from, what is to me, a happy family occasion. Each to their own however.:D

meeps

If we got an invite like that I think we would end up saying the one of us that is directly related can come, weather permitting.

Kate78

One from the other side: we're getting married this year (abroad, so that's the kid-free ceremony sorted).

However we are having an evening "do" back home and have made it clear that it will be adults only on the logic that it doesn't start til 8pm and totally boring for kids and plus - I'm going to get flamed for this - I don't want a toddler destroying our expensive wedding cake and decorations that WE have worked hard to paid for.

Some people have taken offence (notably they haven't contributed a single penny)... ah well you can't please everyone...

To the OP - you either go without your kids or you send your apologies. Not difficult.

NickyBat

My dad always used to say "thems that do the paying call the tune"..........sums it up really

TonyDebs

WOW, what a great response, thanks for your input.:money:

SandC

I have often considered it from the viewpoint of how would it work for me? You see, I only have one nephew. But then one of my cousins has 3 children.

Would I just have those as family or would I extend the invite to friends' children? That's where it gets difficult you see. Because if you take my main girlie group that's 5 of them. 2 of them don't have children but the other 3 have 6 between them. Then there are my sis in laws sisters. From the two of them that's another 4 kids (and I'm not including the eldest who's now an adult and wouldn't want to come). So with those guests - you've got 7 adults, if you then bring in partners that's 14, then there's 10 kids. See how it can mount up?

Kid dont go free at weddings, they are still a bum on a seat and the major cost of weddings is the food.

We have no clue as to how many of their family and friends have children and how far this could reach for them. They may be closer to children of their friends than their nephews and neices so how can they be seen to have friends' kids and not family kids?

It's very difficult and anyone being invited to a no kids wedding shuold try to understand the limitations.

Bear in mind some people might also balk at having to troup across the country for a 'cheapo' wedding!

Fuzzy_Duck

andrealm wrote: »

Well, I tend to know if my friends have nieces or nephews:) if not, I'd assume that any children I saw were probably close family, if mine hadn't been invited. And I wouldn't query it, so they wouldn't need to explain themselves to me. If I had to limit children because of numbers and costs, I'd probably just put a little note on apologising for the fact that we could only accommodate the children of immediate family. I'd rather someone just came out and said it in a straightforward way, rather than dress it up as though they're "giving you the chance to have an evening away from your children" I mean, you can do that anyway, you could choose to use a babysitter even if they're invited.

Unfortunately not everyone would have your common sense weddings are a social minefield, it's so difficult to keep everyone happy and at the end of the day this is about the couple, not the family. My reasoning is that you can't pick your family- but you can pick your partner, and a wedding is a celebration of your love and commitment for each other. There are plenty of people who get married with just a couple of witnesses and it's perfectly normal- not to mention a lot less stressful and money saving!

This has reminded me of saying that I would not invite my aunt to my wedding- because she is a vile woman who has insulted me and my mum our whole lives and nearly broken up my mum and dad a few times because my dad would always take his sister's side rather than my mum's. I said I didn't want her there because her presence would ruin my day, as I know she'd criticise everything and insult everyone she meets. My dad said if she wasn't invited, he wasn't coming either. I was devastated, but as it's my special day she's still not getting an invite. And I just hope my dad will realise he's being a fool and his daughter should come first for once. It is my wedding day and I should surely have a right to not invite people I don't want there- she may be a relative, but I have plenty of friends who I care about more.