How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

andrealm

poet123 wrote: »

I have quite a few friends who I could have asked to do this, but I find it a sadder reflection on modern life that someone would see the lack of such friends as sadder than a sibling not inviting his sister/brother and their children to their wedding.

I suppose the way I look at it is, if you really wanted your brother or sister to come to your wedding, you'd make it easier for them to come by inviting their children too. Just as, if you want family and friends to be able to come, you get married somewhere fairly local, rather than go off to New Zealand.

lostinrates

elvis86 wrote: »

I'm sorry, but this part of your post really winds me up. So what you're essentially saying, is that unless someone considers your children and puts your desire to take them everywhere above their own desires on their wedding day, they are not "truly thoughtful"..? What a load of "holier than thou" rubbish!

I completely understand why you were unfortunately unable to attend your friends' wedding, but for God's sake they're not bad people for wanting their wedding day to be the way they want it!

This is the couple's wedding day but its also families' Christmas. I think it perfectly acceptable not to invite children to a wedding, and tbh I'm surprised there is such furore about that itself. The complication here is that it is Christmas eve and a long way from home...the presumption is that the OP is being asked, as close family, to leave her children on a night she might not be able to get back to them for another really special occasion.


OP, I would get your partner to explain why you won't be able to go....I presume you won't? And say how dreadfully upset you all are, but that you're sure they will understand about Christmas.

I guess that not being parents the couple might not have considered that. I rad no other hidden message in the invite, nor would I take any offence from it, but it IS a thoughtless plan for close family travelling a huge distance because of the date. It sounds like an evening do, with alcohol and giggling....not a polite afternoon wedding. I really doubt any slight is meant: just the desire for the kind of evening they as a childless couple most enjoy.

Spendless

I didn't think it was Christmas eve?:cool: I thought the opening posts said December 23rd, though I admit the reference to children stopping in for santa makes it confusing. though I appreciate it is likely to go onto the early hours of xmas eve, meaning the parents aren't going to be back till later that day to collect children/relieve babysitters, making it awkward for the sitters, who will probably have plenty to do themselves Xmas eve.

eta- I'd missed the bit about op living opposite end of country, meaning it's going to be late on xmas eve when they get back home to their kids.

belfastgirl23

If this is thread is anything, it's a list of reasons not to get married

Bottom line is that you will hack someone off whatever you do so you may as well do what you would like. And OP to be honest I'm sure your brother and his intended have thought this through and have come to this decision for good reasons. Whatever they are, I reckon for their one and only wedding day, you need to respect them. If you must get back home, attend the earlier parts of the day but leave before the dancing starts.

This means no giving out to your mum and dad, dropping snide hints on the day, going round drumming up ill feeling amongst other parents (not that I'm saying you would do that but this is exactly what I've seen happen with other weddings!) but rather saying 'it's their day and their choice and I love my brother enough to support him'.

As an aside, a relative who got married last year had a child free wedding. Not taken that well on our side where there were only a couple of nieces and nephews but necessary on the other side where there were 20+, the church would have been like a creche with them all there.

As for your response to the email ... I'm so happy for you both, love you loads, can't wait for the wedding ...would seem to me to be the right reply.

peachyprice

lostinrates wrote: »

The complication here is that it is Christmas eve and a long way from home...the presumption is that the OP is being asked, as close family, to leave her children on a night she might not be able to get back to them for another really special occasion.

It's the 23rd, not 24th.

cazziebo

treetrunks wrote: »

i dont know my brother or sisters address, i visit often and know exactly where they live but couldnt tell you the house number of street name to be honest. Think thats reflective of the modern age.

Me too! I'm one of five and don't know addresses for any of my siblings. I have their mobile numbers, email addresses and they are on my facebook. I know where they live, and how to get in their house if they're not in. Don't think it's that strange.

The "no kids" rule has to be universal. You can't allow some kids in and not others. Imagine the stushie if an exception was made for one family! If I was to marry my current OH, having children there would quadruple the number of guests - that dramatically changes the cost, location and type of wedding. A wedding is about the couple getting married. It's their day, their wishes are paramount.

I would advise the OP to get a babysitter, even if it's only just for the ceremony. This is your brother's wedding.

bylromarha

My sis no longer has no contact with one of her long standing friends over this issue. Sis got married last year: my kids, my sis's 2 kids, my 2 other nephews and grooms son were the only kids they wanted there. Friend's daughter wasn't invited. Friend couldn't believe daughter wasn't invited. Friend said she wouldn't come without daughter and it was obviously not child free, so please could her 4 year old come? Sis said no and was sad to accept her apologies, but no kids. Friend gave her a huge mouthful, turned the air blue and sis has not heard from her since.

Sis in law got married 2006 in Cuba 4 months after we had our 2nd (our eldest having just turned 2). We said there was no way we could go - neither being able to afford 2 weeks for 4 of us all inc in a 4 star hotel, nor wanting to be abroad when weaning started. We got a bit of a guilt trip from sis in law but sooooo much hassle from mum in law as we weren't going to sisters wedding cos of the kids. MIL even offered to pay half our costs. When MIL got married last year I turned to sis in law who was having a frantic time with her 1st child, a 4 month old, during the reception and said "do you understand now why we never came to yours as we had one of those AND a 2 year old?" I'd like to say that she apologised for the guilt trip she gave us, but instead she was "oh yeah, I never expected you to come anyway..."

Why do people let weddings cause so much hassle between each other????

Hobo17

peachyprice wrote: »

It's the 23rd, not 24th.

Yes, but is a long way away so is likely to involve staying over the night of the wedding - so they would be heading home on the 24th.

lostinrates

peachyprice wrote: »

It's the 23rd, not 24th.

Its an evening do with no kids, so they'll presumably be going through till ''late''. Unless cinderella is also invited Its likely they will not get home till afternnon on Christmas eve.

But yes, it is the 23rd.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

this thread's been going over 7 hours, and the OP hasn't chipped in since first post, do you think he/she has got the message, or maybe not got the response he/she was hoping for?