How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

DavidF

I would just like to add as an Uncle to a fair few nieces and nephews - When my brothers and sister had them I all of a sudden got the following responsabilities
1. Extra xmas presents and cards for each one of them
2. Extra Birthday present and cards for each of them
3. A job as a "free" baby sitter
4. I take them all on days out at my expense and disgression
5. I contribute to their upkeep indirectly through the tax system
Now all of a sudden the barmy parent army are up in arms if I (Hypothetically) decide that for once I decide to have a child free day - Weather that day me be a wedding or whatever Im sure the kids really couldn't give a stuff TBH.

As for the excuse about its the other end of the country that's just lame - It takes between 2-4 hours to fly and connect by train/bus to just about anywhere in the country.

POPPYOSCAR

elvis86 wrote: »

It's very sad that people would have nobody to help them out with babysitting in order to attend a one-off special occasion. I know I could count on several of my friends, and I'd bend over backwards to help them out if they encountered a similar situation.

Then again, it's hardly suprising that half of the people posting here would have nobody to help them out, if they're the type of people who take offence at perfectly polite emails, attempt emotional blackmail to get their own way ("surely, if you love your nephew, you'll invite him, not to is so thoughtless to our needs...") and when all else fails, blatantly disregard other people's wishes whenever they don't suit them.:cool:

I would not dream of asking friends to have my children sleep over for possibly two nights and be there Christmas Eve - I would find that very selfish to even ask as they would not like to say no.

balletshoes

DavidF wrote: »

I would just like to add as an Uncle to a fair few nieces and nephews - When my brothers and sister had them I all of a sudden got the following responsabilities
1. Extra xmas presents and cards for each one of them
2. Extra Birthday present and cards for each of them
3. A job as a "free" baby sitter
4. I take them all on days out at my expense and disgression
5. I contribute to their upkeep indirectly through the tax system
Now all of a sudden the barmy parent army are up in arms if I (Hypothetically) decide that for once I decide to have a child free day - Weather that day me be a wedding or whatever Im sure the kids really couldn't give a stuff TBH.

As for the excuse about its the other end of the country that's just lame - It takes between 2-4 hours to fly and connect by train/bus to just about anywhere in the country.

no it doesn't unfortunately - driving is the fastest way of me getting from the Midlands to the North East of Scotland door to door (so not even bottom of the country to top of the country) and it takes me 6 hours plus each way.

esmerelda98

moggylover wrote: »

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That involves mercilessly twisting what both Poet and I have said! Both of us would want (I am sure) to make sure that our children knew the basics of that good behaviour before the wedding. My own eldest was by no means an "easy" child since he was ADHD, but the importance of the day was explained to him by myself and he rose to the occasion wonderfully, albeit it was the first time I had known him to be shy and that I approached the day with trepidation (and had discussed that with my SIL-to-be who was adamant that he was wanted whether he behaved impeccably or not). Without socialisation our children do not learn how to behave, nor do they learn to socialise with different age groups, nor do they gain the benefits of learning that every age group has something worthwhile to bring to a social event. Seems to me that this is what is already "wrong" with our overly segregated society already and that it will not be improved by such exclusions.

I have two sons who have always been able to be taken to restaurants, social functions, etc. PURELY because they have always been taken to such things. They frequently behave better than the adults present do and I am inordinately proud when I receive compliments on how nicely they behave and how helpful they are, but I don't think it would have been achievable if every family event was to be age segregated.

We are talking about the odd wedding here. No doubt, in typical families there will be a good number of other social gatherings. Your children may be well behaved, other children may not have quite as much self-control. British social gatherings are usually quite boozy, and yes, adults do 'misbehave'. I personally wouldn't want my children to witness this.


The most wonderful wedding I ever attended was by accident. I was on holiday in the Greek islands and we were touring around on a motor scooter when we found we could not get through a village because the road was blocked by the celebrations of a wedding! We were turning around to go back the other way but were inundated by the revellers who insisted that they had "inconvenienced" us, and insisted we stay for at least a while and join in the celebrations. The entire village was there I think, everyone from the toothless aged, to babies (who were mostly on the laps of the smiling oldies) and absolutely everyone was alight with joy and fun! Despite language barriers and our not knowing the traditions, we had a lovely hour or so with these people and were I ever to take leave of my senses enough that I felt I wanted to get married again (;)) then I can think of no nicer or more warm and loving way to hold a marriage ceremony.
Weddings in 'poorer' countries are usually held outside. These countries are also usually warmer than the U.K. I think it is very different having children at such weddings than cooped up in smallish function rooms over here, usually the venue of choice due to the unpredictable weather.

Despite the jibes earlier, I have no hankering for a "golden age" that I know did not exist. What I do have a hankering for is the sense of community and family (probably more pronounced then because it was shortly after a war: when the really important things become clearer) that has been replaced by age segregated pubs, clubs, dances, etc. to the detriment of any societal cohesion at all.

There are issues with community, but I don't think this choice over the style a wedding takes demonstrates them. In fact I think we need to reach out beyond our families to build communities. These days a person's community often begins and ends with their family and they don't trust anyone else with their children. Or they feel that asking someone to look after their children is such a great burden, presumably because they feel that way about other people's children. As long as the children are moderately well-behaved, this sort of give and take should be common.

POPPYOSCAR

balletshoes wrote: »

it may be, because its the brother of the OP, that he is not the one who is the deciding factor - it may suit his bride-to-be and her family more to have the wedding where and when its planned for. I'm not saying thats right, but the groom may be fine with it all, and from personal experience with my brother, with his last girlfriend there would most definitely not be any discussion with grooms family as to what date/venue was preferred - it would be her way (with some input from my brother, but none from his family).

Isn't it usual for the bride and her family to be more involved with the planning of the wedding than the groom and his anyway?

I am not saying that anyone should have an input into the date.As a family we have wanted as many people that we loved to be there as possible so for our own sakes have checked to make sure this would happen.If you make a date and people can't make it then thats fine but don't take offence with them.

Nicki

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I would not dream of asking friends to have my children sleep over for possibly two nights and be there Christmas Eve - I would find that very selfish to even ask as they would not like to say no.

I wouldn't either . I'd make sure I timed my travel so it was only 1 night, and then I would have no issues about asking if they could do it, making clear they could refuse if they wanted.

If the wedding was early in the morning, I would go late on 22nd, stay for the wedding and part of the reception, and leave to be home by 8pm ish on 23rd (with a nice gift for the kids of the babysitting family). If it was an afternoon wedding, I would travel up on morning of 23rd, moderate my drinking and travel back after the reception, or very early the next morning, picking them up from my friends between 8 and 9am on Christmas Eve. I wouldn't begrudge a good friend that in the slightest, and most of my friends would return the favour.

Two nights away and returning late in the afternoon on Christmas Eve would be taking advantage, but is also wholly unnecessary.

POPPYOSCAR

Nicki wrote: »

I wouldn't either . I'd make sure I timed my travel so it was only 1 night, and then I would have no issues about asking if they could do it, making clear they could refuse if they wanted.

If the wedding was early in the morning, I would go late on 22nd, stay for the wedding and part of the reception, and leave to be home by 8pm ish on 23rd (with a nice gift for the kids of the babysitting family). If it was an afternoon wedding, I would travel up on morning of 23rd, moderate my drinking and travel back after the reception, or very early the next morning, picking them up from my friends between 8 and 9am on Christmas Eve. I wouldn't begrudge a good friend that in the slightest, and most of my friends would return the favour.

Two nights away and returning late in the afternoon on Christmas Eve would be taking advantage, but is also wholly unnecessary.

So you would be able to do this if one of them lives in Cornwall and the other in Scotland? Good luck.

Took me 6 hours to get to Cornwall once from England!

Nicki

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

So you would be able to do this if one of them lives in Cornwall and the other in Scotland? Good luck.

Took me 6 hours to get to Cornwall once from England!

I can't be bothered to check back as there have been a lot of posts, but I thought OP said it was a 200 mile journey. So presumably between 3 and 4 hour drive each way?

elvis86

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I would not dream of asking friends to have my children sleep over for possibly two nights and be there Christmas Eve - I would find that very selfish to even ask as they would not like to say no.

As others have said, there would be no need for it to be 2 nights at all, and the "inconvenience" to the babysitter could be minimised if the parent attending the wedding was willing to put themselves out a little (eg watching what they drank so they were able to drive back early the next morning), in order to attend their brother's special day.

However, it seems that with some of you, the "putting yourself" out bit is the stumbling block. Instead, you would expect everyone else (including the bride and groom, on their wedding day) to put themselves out and compromise on their desires for their special day, in order to accomodate you and your children.

Also, what's the big deal with Christmas Eve? Are you and your friends all so disorganised that you have a load to do on Christmas Eve? I would imagine that even the moderately scattish amongst us would have all gifts etc bought and wrapped by Christmas Eve.:cool:

Providing the babysitter was at home on Christmas Eve (ie not visiting family etc), having a friend's children until maybe mid afternoon shouldn't really constitute such an inconvenience. In fact, mine would probably welcome the distraction for their own kids (if they had any), as anticipation of Santa's arrival reached fever pitch.:D

But if these people's friends operate on the same selfish principles as they seemingly do, I guess it's not suprising that they would consider any inconvenience caused by helping out another person to be completely unacceptable.:cool:

POPPYOSCAR

elvis86 wrote: »

As others have said, there would be no need for it to be 2 nights at all, and the "inconvenience" to the babysitter could be minimised if the parent attending the wedding was willing to put themselves out a little (eg watching what they drank so they were able to drive back early the next morning), in order to attend their brother's special day.

However, it seems that with some of you, the "putting yourself" out bit is the stumbling block. Instead, you would expect everyone else (including the bride and groom, on their wedding day) to put themselves out and compromise on their desires for their special day, in order to accomodate you and your children.

Also, what's the big deal with Christmas Eve? Are you and your friends all so disorganised that you have a load to do on Christmas Eve? I would imagine that even the moderately scattish amongst us would have all gifts etc bought and wrapped by Christmas Eve.:cool:

Providing the babysitter was at home on Christmas Eve (ie not visiting family etc), having a friend's children until maybe mid afternoon shouldn't really constitute such an inconvenience. In fact, mine would probably welcome the distraction for their own kids (if they had any), as anticipation of Santa's arrival reached fever pitch.:D

But if these people's friends operate on the same selfish principles as they seemingly do, I guess it's not suprising that they would consider any inconvenience caused by helping out another person to be completely unacceptable.:cool:

You obviously have not read the posts very carefully or just want to attack posters for some reason.