How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

POPPYOSCAR

elvis86 wrote: »

All of your friends run their own businesses? All of which have a peak in trade at Christmas? Really? What an entrepreneurial circle of friends you must have..:D

I don't believe for a minute that the majority of people would find it impossible to accomodate a friend or family member's children overnight on 23rd December. Moreover, I think that most decent people would be perfectly happy to be able to help that person out.

Maybe I'm just exceptionally kind and helpful, and lucky enough to have friends and family who are equally so.;)

...On the other hand, maybe I'm exceptionally thoughtless and mean-spirited because I would want my wedding day to be exactly as myself and my OH wanted, possibly even *awaits barrage of abuse from militant parents* child-free!!!

Have you actually left your kids with your friends at Christmas then?

Do you even have kids?

POPPYOSCAR

moggylover wrote: »

Perhaps the problem is a bit too much selfishness on BOTH sides. It is just a wedding, not the coronation or a summit for World peace. I would find it equally selfish of anyone wanting absolutely every tiny thing their own way for one rather over-rated "day":)

COMPROMISE would have been possible I think, but I certainly would not have felt complelled or even inclined to compromise with a very close relation who considered that offering me a fait accompli with an impersonal e-mail was sufficiently polite or considerate. I personally would have wanted to speak to a sibling (if I even had one) and sound them out as to what difficulties it would present and whether they could be overcome for BOTH our benefits.

Love and consideration would have dictated that a cold e-mail was definitely NOT the right way to deal with a sibling who was going to be presented with logistical problems. What he got back was entirely what he deserved and I have absolutely NO sympathy if this is down to bridezilla and pushy in-laws to be: he should be man enough to point out that his family are important as well:(

Many people work right up until the Christmas, many people DO end up in a disorganised mess on Christmas Eve, and most of us get through on a wing and a prayer. Congrats if you are not like that, but I think you will find you are in a minority: certainly every house I have ever been in on Christmas Eve has been a hive of activity with loads of cooking, cleaning and wrapping going on, and one or two of those households have had staff to do much of it as well.

Now wouldn't that be nice!!

elvis86

moggylover wrote: »

Perhaps the problem is a bit too much selfishness on BOTH sides. It is just a wedding, not the coronation or a summit for World peace. I would find it equally selfish of anyone wanting absolutely every tiny thing their own way for one rather over-rated "day":)

I disagree, surely someone's wedding is the one day on which they are entitled to want everything to be just so? Applying the same logic, your kids are "just"kids, not royalty or Ghandi...:cool:

moggylover wrote: »

Love and consideration would have dictated that a cold e-mail was definitely NOT the right way to deal with a sibling who was going to be presented with logistical problems. What he got back was entirely what he deserved and I have absolutely NO sympathy if this is down to bridezilla and pushy in-laws to be: he should be man enough to point out that his family are important as well

Loving the vilification of the bride in this scenario.:cool: Can you not accept that the decision to have a child-free wedding was possibly (probably) made with absolutely no malice whatsoever, and was just made in the pursuit of this couple having the day that they have dreamt of?

poet123

elvis86 wrote: »

However, it seems that with some of you, the "putting yourself" out bit is the stumbling block. Instead, you would expect everyone else (including the bride and groom, on their wedding day) to put themselves out and compromise on their desires for their special day, in order to accomodate you and your children.

Also, what's the big deal with Christmas Eve? Are you and your friends all so disorganised that you have a load to do on Christmas Eve? I would imagine that even the moderately scattish amongst us would have all gifts etc bought and wrapped by Christmas Eve.:cool:

Providing the babysitter was at home on Christmas Eve (ie not visiting family etc), having a friend's children until maybe mid afternoon shouldn't really constitute such an inconvenience. In fact, mine would probably welcome the distraction for their own kids (if they had any), as anticipation of Santa's arrival reached fever pitch.:D

But if these people's friends operate on the same selfish principles as they seemingly do, I guess it's not suprising that they would consider any inconvenience caused by helping out another person to be completely unacceptable.:cool:

Gosh, you really do have a way with words don't you?

Do you work fulltime, run a house, have relatives who come for Xmas dinner, several children and a social life? if so, surely you must appreciate that the run up to Christmas is hectic in most households? If not come back when you do, and tell me it is not a lot to cope with then.;)

All my friends would have had my children, but equally all of them would be surprised that the reason I asked was that my brother hadn't invited my children to his wedding. It is just outside my experience, thankfully.

elvis86 wrote: »

All of your friends run their own businesses? All of which have a peak in trade at Christmas? Really? What an entrepreneurial circle of friends you must have..:D

I don't believe for a minute that the majority of people would find it impossible to accomodate a friend or family member's children overnight on 23rd December. Moreover, I think that most decent people would be perfectly happy to be able to help that person out.

Maybe I'm just exceptionally kind and helpful, and lucky enough to have friends and family who are equally so.;)

...On the other hand, maybe I'm exceptionally thoughtless and mean-spirited because I would want my wedding day to be exactly as myself and my OH wanted, possibly even *awaits barrage of abuse from militant parents* child-free!!!

Maybe you are, or maybe you are doing as the rest of us are doing and expressing an opinion.;)

moggylover

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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Now wouldn't that be nice!!

:rotfl::rotfl: Yes:j

However, not an option for most of us (myself included) and produces a whole lot of other logistical problems for decent employers who are aware that the staff are going to need some time off for the Christmas period as well (in most cases). I've still seen a house in complete chaos at lunchtime on Christmas eve, and been amazed that peace and tranquility have been achieved by nightfall despite a full-time housekeeper and daily ladies AND the family:)

I think the chaos is probably part of the build-up and excitement tbh.:D

andrealm

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Fair enough, but if I were OP and I didn't want to blackmail them to have it my way what I would do is say 'hurrah you're getting married' without making any commitments about going, then when the official invites come out let them know that sadly I can't make it. Doing it so far in advance is pretty obviously a stab at blackmailing them into getting her own way.

I also simply don't believe that there is no one at all who could look after the kids. And personally I reckon that it is the bride and groom's day, that it's hard enough for them negotiating between themselves and that everyone else should butt out....if the OP wants to cause aggro and distress this is certainly the way to go about it.

How on earth do you know that they have nobody who could look after their kids for 2 whole days? You know nothing of their family situation, why is it so hard to understand that some people just do not have family that can babysit and it would be a huge imposition to ask anybody else on Xmas Eve. 8 months notice doesn't make it possible to bring back dead grandparents from the grave so they can babysit:cool: or make elderly ones twenty years younger, so they are fit enough to babysit young children for extended periods. We are in this position and I wouldn't dream of asking a friend at Xmas time, so I would have replied in the same way as the OP. I am a straightforward person so would rather just apologise now that I wouldn't be able to go, rather than pretend that it might be a possibility. That seems rather dishonest.

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

Gosh, you really do have a way with words don't you?

Do you work fulltime, run a house, have relatives who come for Xmas dinner, several children and a social life? if so, surely you must appreciate that the run up to Christmas is hectic in most households? If not come back when you do, and tell me it is not a lot to cope with then.;)

All my friends would have had my children, but equally all of them would be surprised that the reason I asked was that my brother hadn't invited my children to his wedding. It is just outside my experience, thankfully.



Maybe you are, or maybe you are doing as the rest of us are doing and expressing an opinion.;)

It would seem to some that we are not entitled to do that without being attacked for having a different one and even in some cases for having the same!!!!IYSWIM

Taliahmai

Wow no wonder the op hasnt come back to the thread...the amount of assumptions and accusations are unreal....its got way out of hand lol

elvis86

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Have you actually left your kids with your friends at Christmas then?

Again, slight exaggeration. Nobody has suggested leaving kids with anyone on Christmas day. It's one night. 2 days before Christmas day.;)

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Do you even have kids?

I don't have kids yet, no. Friends do though. And I've looked after them loads. I regularly make 160 mile round trips to attend the kids' birthday parties, and in the past I've taken leave from work and driven down to babysit whilst friends attended a family funeral.

Admittedly, if I had children, this would be nowhere near as easy (I've also taken 3 or 4 under-7s for weekends away on my own, so I've some idea of how difficult mobilising children can be!), but I'm confident that I would still do it to help out a friend. And they would do the same for me.:)

andrealm

elvis86 wrote: »

I disagree, surely someone's wedding is the one day on which they are entitled to want everything to be just so? Applying the same logic, your kids are "just"kids, not royalty or Ghandi...:cool:



Loving the vilification of the bride in this scenario.:cool: Can you not accept that the decision to have a child-free wedding was possibly (probably) made with absolutely no malice whatsoever, and was just made in the pursuit of this couple having the day that they have dreamt of?

Absolutely, but if that's what they want then they are in no position to throw a hissy fit, if someone, quite reasonably, IMO, declines their kind invitation with regret. They should accept this, they haven't been asked to change their plans, but neither can they expect everyone else to fit in with their plans. If the OP has no one to babysit, then they can't go, it's as simple as that.