How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

melwright

I'm sure the bride & groom in this case probably weighed up before sending out the round robin e-mail as to who would be able to attend and who wouldn't with ref to children, time of year, day of week, location etc.
And yes it is their choice regardless of whether it's family or friends that end up excluded (fortunately or unfortunately).

As a mum with 2 ds (6&7), I am in the camp that even if we get an invitation to invite the children, we don't take them. We see it as an opportunity to have some 'us' time.
However, this may be because our families are relatively small, I'm an only child and DH has one sister, so close family weddings are in short supply.

My SIL got married last year in Cyprus, which we were all invited to spend 2 weeks with them, but it was school time and expensive and we didn't go - this caused many hours of debating, feeling guilty and trying to do the right thing for the bigger family and also for us - so this is probably the reverse problem of the bride & groom here. They had a reception some time after coming back (the other end of the country) and we took the boys (this was the only wedding event I would have taken them to), it was an evening event, where we watched the wedding DVD, had wedding breakfast and disco. Both sons were very well behaved but kept whispering they were bored until the dance floor opened and they could do the traditional boys skidding across the floor moves!

I certainly won't be taking them to any other weddings anytime soon, not because they are not well behaved but because they would rather be with friends/grandparents/babysitter playing football!:D

Kate78

onlyroz wrote: »

I'm sorry? Who exactly are you expecting to pay for your wedding?

My husband to be and I are paying for the wedding, my father for the reception. Not sure why this is of interest, but hey ho.

moggylover

DavidF wrote: »

I would just like to add as an Uncle to a fair few nieces and nephews - When my brothers and sister had them I all of a sudden got the following responsabilities
1. Extra xmas presents and cards for each one of them
2. Extra Birthday present and cards for each of them
3. A job as a "free" baby sitter
4. I take them all on days out at my expense and disgression
5. I contribute to their upkeep indirectly through the tax system
Now all of a sudden the barmy parent army are up in arms if I (Hypothetically) decide that for once I decide to have a child free day - Weather that day me be a wedding or whatever Im sure the kids really couldn't give a stuff TBH.

As for the excuse about its the other end of the country that's just lame - It takes between 2-4 hours to fly and connect by train/bus to just about anywhere in the country.

All of which, of course, is just fine if you have the kind of income that would allow that sort of expenditure: but I believe that would not be the norm and thus driving (regardless of weather) is likely to be the one most people would have to employ:)

What you are getting in return for all those jobs, btw, is absolutely priceless! You will be a much loved "uncle" and those day trips will probably be remembered and talked of long after you have gone.

I remember one particular trip with an uncle (by marriage) with several of my cousins when he offered to be the one that missed out on my great-grandmothers funeral because there were three or four children for whom that would have been inappropriate, but the timing made it difficult for them to be left at school and picked up at the right time. That was just before Christmas as well, and he chose to take us all to a large department store that had a Santa experience (it would have been 1963 btw) and we all had a lovely day despite the sadness we all felt at loosing our much loved Gran. I can still remember how kind and funny Uncle Eddie was that day: and those sort of memories and the affection/love that they engender even now he is long gone are probably the best epitaph anyone can hope for:)

POPPYOSCAR

elvis86 wrote: »

As others have said, there would be no need for it to be 2 nights at all, and the "inconvenience" to the babysitter could be minimised if the parent attending the wedding was willing to put themselves out a little (eg watching what they drank so they were able to drive back early the next morning), in order to attend their brother's special day.

However, it seems that with some of you, the "putting yourself" out bit is the stumbling block. Instead, you would expect everyone else (including the bride and groom, on their wedding day) to put themselves out and compromise on their desires for their special day, in order to accomodate you and your children.

Also, what's the big deal with Christmas Eve? Are you and your friends all so disorganised that you have a load to do on Christmas Eve? I would imagine that even the moderately scattish amongst us would have all gifts etc bought and wrapped by Christmas Eve.:cool:

Providing the babysitter was at home on Christmas Eve (ie not visiting family etc), having a friend's children until maybe mid afternoon shouldn't really constitute such an inconvenience. In fact, mine would probably welcome the distraction for their own kids (if they had any), as anticipation of Santa's arrival reached fever pitch.:D

But if these people's friends operate on the same selfish principles as they seemingly do, I guess it's not suprising that they would consider any inconvenience caused by helping out another person to be completely unacceptable.:cool:

Yes - We run our own business and our busiest time is Christmas I have been known to be wrapping presents at 3.00am Christmas day!!!!

elvis86

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes - We run our own business and our busiest time is Christmas I have been known to be wrapping presents at 3.00am Christmas day!!!!

All of your friends run their own businesses? All of which have a peak in trade at Christmas? Really? What an entrepreneurial circle of friends you must have..:D

I don't believe for a minute that the majority of people would find it impossible to accomodate a friend or family member's children overnight on 23rd December. Moreover, I think that most decent people would be perfectly happy to be able to help that person out.

Maybe I'm just exceptionally kind and helpful, and lucky enough to have friends and family who are equally so.;)

...On the other hand, maybe I'm exceptionally thoughtless and mean-spirited because I would want my wedding day to be exactly as myself and my OH wanted, possibly even *awaits barrage of abuse from militant parents* child-free!!!

POPPYOSCAR

I always stay overnight now when going to a wedding.

I missed my cousins wedding as we were stuck on the motorway because of an accident.She was very understanding but I felt terrible.So I now stay over the night before to be on the safe side.

POPPYOSCAR

elvis86 wrote: »

All of your friends run their own businesses? All of which have a peak in trade at Christmas? Really? What an entrepreneurial circle of friends you must have..:D

I don't believe for a minute that the majority of people would find it impossible to accomodate a friend or family member's children overnight on 23rd December. Moreover, I think that most decent people would be perfectly happy to be able to help that person out.

Maybe I'm just exceptionally kind and helpful, and lucky enough to have friends and family who are equally so.;)

...On the other hand, maybe I'm exceptionally thoughtless and mean-spirited because I would want my wedding day to be exactly as myself and my OH wanted, possibly even *awaits barrage of abuse from militant parents* child-free!!!

You seem to like to twist the things people post.

Nicki

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes - We run our own business and our busiest time is Christmas I have been known to be wrapping presents at 3.00am Christmas day!!!!

Lol. Me too, and I have not your excuse as I am a SAHM just chronically disorganized!

Is it more disruptive to look after an extra two though, if you already have kids of your own to look after on Christmas Eve? In a way I think it would be easier as the kids would entertain each other to an extent, giving time for the adult to get on with last minute chores, rather than having to devote time to keeping your own kids occupied and out of the way

moggylover

elvis86 wrote: »

As others have said, there would be no need for it to be 2 nights at all, and the "inconvenience" to the babysitter could be minimised if the parent attending the wedding was willing to put themselves out a little (eg watching what they drank so they were able to drive back early the next morning), in order to attend their brother's special day.

However, it seems that with some of you, the "putting yourself" out bit is the stumbling block. Instead, you would expect everyone else (including the bride and groom, on their wedding day) to put themselves out and compromise on their desires for their special day, in order to accomodate you and your children.

Also, what's the big deal with Christmas Eve? Are you and your friends all so disorganised that you have a load to do on Christmas Eve? I would imagine that even the moderately scattish amongst us would have all gifts etc bought and wrapped by Christmas Eve.:cool:

Providing the babysitter was at home on Christmas Eve (ie not visiting family etc), having a friend's children until maybe mid afternoon shouldn't really constitute such an inconvenience. In fact, mine would probably welcome the distraction for their own kids (if they had any), as anticipation of Santa's arrival reached fever pitch.:D

But if these people's friends operate on the same selfish principles as they seemingly do, I guess it's not suprising that they would consider any inconvenience caused by helping out another person to be completely unacceptable.:cool:

Perhaps the problem is a bit too much selfishness on BOTH sides. It is just a wedding, not the coronation or a summit for World peace. I would find it equally selfish of anyone wanting absolutely every tiny thing their own way for one rather over-rated "day":)

COMPROMISE would have been possible I think, but I certainly would not have felt complelled or even inclined to compromise with a very close relation who considered that offering me a fait accompli with an impersonal e-mail was sufficiently polite or considerate. I personally would have wanted to speak to a sibling (if I even had one) and sound them out as to what difficulties it would present and whether they could be overcome for BOTH our benefits.

Love and consideration would have dictated that a cold e-mail was definitely NOT the right way to deal with a sibling who was going to be presented with logistical problems. What he got back was entirely what he deserved and I have absolutely NO sympathy if this is down to bridezilla and pushy in-laws to be: he should be man enough to point out that his family are important as well:(

Many people work right up until the Christmas, many people DO end up in a disorganised mess on Christmas Eve, and most of us get through on a wing and a prayer. Congrats if you are not like that, but I think you will find you are in a minority: certainly every house I have ever been in on Christmas Eve has been a hive of activity with loads of cooking, cleaning and wrapping going on, and one or two of those households have had staff to do much of it as well.

spugzbunny

mishkanorman wrote: »

I dont see the OP's brother has many choices here, they surely arent living at the other end of the country from everyone they know ! the reason behind a child free wedding is not known either,

You've managed to fill the gaps in the very brief story we have and made the groom into a 'self obsessed' person who's marriage will fail before its even begun. You dont know that this decision hasnt caused the bride and groom no end of torment and anguish !

For example everyone refers to the OP as the sister and her. It's a bloke if you check out the other posts he has written. He is Tony of TonyandDebs