How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

Any

mishkanorman wrote: »

You've managed to fill the gaps in the very brief story we have and made the groom into a 'self obsessed' person who's marriage will fail before its even begun. You dont know that this decision hasnt caused the bride and groom no end of torment and anguish !

Not only that, I find the person so obsessed with her children attendance then calling bride and groom obssesed with self importance quite amusing!!!

Fizzpop

Nicki wrote: »

elvis86 wrote: »

I'm going to go as far as saying that if I was the OP's brother, and myself and my fiance had been thoughtful enough (yes, thoughtful!) to send an email as considered and tactful as that so far in advance, then my sister couldn't be bothered to come (c'mon, this is obviously the case - only in the most unfortunate of circumstances would I be prevented from attending my sibling's wedding), I would be really upset with her.

/QUOTE]


I agree with this. OP didn't even pretend she had tried to think of a way to attend. She sent an email back by return effectively saying if you don't invite my children I'm not coming. That's as bad in my book as just turning up with them against the bride's wishes, and by no means "nice" as OP thinks it was. I'd expect some serious family fall out from this to be honest, and I hope the ensuing hoo hah doesn't end up ruining the wedding for the happy couple.

If OP really didn't want to leave her children, then the more polite and tactful thing to do would have been to leave it for a few weeks then say that despite her best efforts she was unable to organise anything for them. At the moment invitations haven't even gone out, only a hold the date email, so numbers are by no means finalized, and waiting a respectable time would not impact on the wedding planning one iota.

This could well be turned completely on its head too as if the brother and his wife to be wanted the sister there they would have chosen a date that at least would have given the sister a chance to find good sitters for her children or the opportunity to be able to go alone and not be worried about getting stuck 200 (or so) miles away away from her children.

Who knows maybe the brother is looking for a way to completely cut ties and this would be the ultimate way to do it as she is then seen as the nasty person

POPPYOSCAR

moggylover wrote: »

It is equally right to assume that since her brother couldn't even be bothered to approach this with a personal telephone call to her, and that he isn't able to see the logistical problems the situation leaves for a person with youngsters (especially at such a time of year), then her attendance probably isn't that important to him either;)

Yes I agree with you.

Whenever there has been a wedding in our family a possible date has been thrown around first to get an idea of who will/will not be able to atttend before the final date being announced.

pimento

Elvis speaks for me.

elvis86 wrote: »

...this thread has shown up just how many selfish, militant parents there are out there! Parents who seem to truly believe that their needs and those of their kids should be at the centre of every decision those around them ever take!

That's one day out of the 18 years+ you'll spend smothering your children and insisting that the rest of the world accommodates them. Newsflash, OP - they would survive 24 hours without you.:cool:

And if anyone disprespected my wishes after I had been crystal clear about them all alone, by turning up with their kids in tow? I seriously think I would tell them to leave. It's rude, selfish, disrespectful, and pig-ignorant.

Nicki

Fizzpop wrote: »

Nicki wrote: »

This could well be turned completely on its head too as if the brother and his wife to be wanted the sister there they would have chosen a date that at least would have given the sister a chance to find good sitters for her children or the opportunity to be able to go alone and not be worried about getting stuck 200 (or so) miles away away from her children.

Who knows maybe the brother is looking for a way to completely cut ties and this would be the ultimate way to do it as she is then seen as the nasty person

Wow! That's quite a paranoid world view.

To be honest, if I were planning a wedding, and wanted for whatever reason it to be child free, it wouldn't even cross my mind that it would be difficult to sort out childcare for children the same age as the OP's. What about in laws for example?

When my older two children were 6 and 7, we went to a wedding in Spaim which lasted two days and left the children with OP's parents. I'm quite sure the bride and groom in that case didn't lose sleep beforehand as to how we would organise it. Wedddings are about the bride and groom, not the vile aunty, the self centred sister or the emotionally blackmailing dad.

Even if this were the brother's plan, OP has walked straight into it though by refusing the invitation out of hand so quickly. It can only make her look bad to the rest of the family.

tsstss7

floss2 wrote: »

Perhaps that is the only date that suits their plans, that fits in with their honeymoon plans, or that their work committment make possible. Or perhaps it is a special date to them - we got married on the 4th anniversary of the date we got engaged.

I still think that the email as a heads-up of the date was possibly to save any heated arguments over the phone or face-to-face.

Maybe so but it doesn't change the facts though - I prefer to attend do's without my kids but even I wouldn't be able to go to one on 23rd dec. If Op's family think an 8 mths "heads up" is going to make any difference to those with kids they invite (that have to travel) they'll likely be disappointed.

It may however give them lots of spare capacity to invite other people when they start to get replies. .

Any

Nicki wrote: »

Wow! That's quite a paranoid world view.

To be honest, if I were planning a wedding, and wanted for whatever reason it to be child free, it wouldn't even cross my mind that it would be difficult to sort out childcare for children the same age as the OP's. What about in laws for example?

When my older two children were 6 and 7, we went to a wedding in Spaim which lasted two days and left the children with OP's parents. I'm quite sure the bride and groom in that case didn't lose sleep beforehand as to how we would organise it. Wedddings are about the bride and groom, not the vile aunty, the self centred sister or the emotionally blackmailing dad.

Even if this were the brother's plan, OP has walked straight into it though by refusing the invitation out of hand so quickly. It can only make her look bad to the rest of the family.

Yes I agree, so many people here are starting to forget about the fact that it is firstly and mainly the brides and groom's day.

Firstly they decided who to invite and now they are also deciding when to have it. Just to be clear - I agree that 23rd Dec is not a great choice (however there most likely is good reason for it), but listening to everyones wishes first, bouncing days around for while first???

One wonders how today's couples get married and why they bother!!!

belfastgirl23

Well I reckon by refusing the invite without even making it appear that she's tried to get babysitters (and indeed before a formal invite came out!!) the OP has well and truely thrown a rocket into the wedding. So by the time her mum start crying etc the outcome is likely to be that children will be included. The kids will probably hate it and the bride and groom will be upset that they've been emotionally blackmailed into something they didn't want. But the OP will at least be happy. Good job the big day's all about her!

poet123

Any wrote: »

You mean to make sure no adult is having a good time?

No;) to make it a family event, my mil/mum and dad all loved entertaining my kids when they were little. My older kids now entertain their cousins youngters at family events, it is no hardship and certainly doesn't detract from their enjoyment.

Any wrote: »

Most weddings are dead boring for children anyway!! Mine was abroad - in outside space with lots of games for kids and fantastic weather, but what child want to sit in stuffy room with red faced uncle Martie that had few too many pints, which is what wedding in December is likely to be.

In such a situation kids would be bored and therefore playing up. And the parents will go home at 6pm.

That isnt like any family wedding I have been to, there has always been an opportunity to let the kids play outside whilst the photos were done, or have a nap. Maybe some parents will go home early, but better that imo than not have them there at all, elderly relatives may also go home early. People act according to their own circumstance, and if everyone appreciates that and just enjoys the moment there isn't a problem.

.

Any wrote: »

And what the hell is that about, teaching your children how to behave on brides account??
That is pointless argument.

Not sure I follow your obvious annoyance here,:D my point was that if they are not socialised children will behave badly, the only way to socialise them is to include them in family events. Mine knew they were expected to behave well and did so.

Any

tsstss7 wrote: »

Maybe so but it doesn't change the facts though - I prefer to attend do's without my kids but even I wouldn't be able to go to one on 23rd dec. If Op's family think an 8 mths "heads up" is going to make any difference to those with kids they invite (that have to travel) they'll likely be disappointed.

It may however give them lots of spare capacity to invite other people when they start to get replies. .

However, this completely changes view point if we now find out that actually no one else from the wedding party has to travel, apart from the OP...

Who does not seem to be that close to the brother anyway.