How would you respond to this email, Brothers wedding invite?

tsstss7

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Well I reckon by refusing the invite without even making it appear that she's tried to get babysitters (and indeed before a formal invite came out!!) the OP has well and truely thrown a rocket into the wedding. So by the time her mum start crying etc the outcome is likely to be that children will be included. The kids will probably hate it and the bride and groom will be upset that they've been emotionally blackmailed into something they didn't want. But the OP will at least be happy. Good job the big day's all about her!

Not quite fair - I'd know straight away I couldn't go either. My mum is the only person I could trust with LO's and she'd be at my brothers wedding too. my Mil might be willing but I doubt it - it's a big ask and they are getting on a bit.

People with kids generally know if they have someone who can babysit and how long for.

Fizzpop

Nicki wrote: »

Fizzpop wrote: »

Wow! That's quite a paranoid world view.

To be honest, if I were planning a wedding, and wanted for whatever reason it to be child free, it wouldn't even cross my mind that it would be difficult to sort out childcare for children the same age as the OP's. What about in laws for example?

When my older two children were 6 and 7, we went to a wedding in Spaim which lasted two days and left the children with OP's parents. I'm quite sure the bride and groom in that case didn't lose sleep beforehand as to how we would organise it. Wedddings are about the bride and groom, not the vile aunty, the self centred sister or the emotionally blackmailing dad.

Even if this were the brother's plan, OP has walked straight into it though by refusing the invitation out of hand so quickly. It can only make her look bad to the rest of the family.

Not paranoid and i do agree if this is what he wanted then yes she has just walked straight into it.

My kids are of an age that they could be left (the one im currently cooking would need to be with me once born though) quite happily with the in laws if the in laws lived closer

See im probably like the op my brother has already discussed his wedding plans ad i have said that there is no way we will be able to go understandably we are upset and my brother is upset but his w2b refuses to budge and at the end of the day as far as she is concerned its her and her family that comes first, we have also explored the possibility of me going on my own but im really not comfortable with the idea and for once its not because i would be in a different country its to do with the fact i would only know my brother and his w2b there even our parents have said they are sticking with a maybe if they can afford also to go

Any

poet123 wrote: »

No;) to make it a family event, my mil/mum and dad all loved entertaining my kids when they were little. My older kid now entertain their couin youngter at family events, it is no hardship and certainly doesn't detract from their enjoyment.



That isnt like any family wedding I have been to, there has always been an opportunity to let the kids play outside whilst the photos were done, or have a nap. Maybe some parents will go home early, but better that imo than not have them there at all, elderly relatives may also go home early. People act according to their own circumstance, and if everyone appreciates that and just enjoys the moment there isn't a problem.

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Not sure I follow your obvious annoyance here,:D my point was that if they are not socialised children will behave badly, the only way to socialise them is to include them in family events. Mine knew they were expected to behave well and did so.

I am not sure I follow you here... If you want wedding as a family event, organise yours like that.

But don't expect everyone to have the same tastes as you.

My annoyance came from the part where you expect to teach your children how to behave at the brides account - ie at her wedding. Don't expect her to be happy with this as an argument either.

tsstss7

Any wrote: »

However, this completely changes view point if we now find out that actually no one else from the wedding party has to travel, apart from the OP...

Who does not seem to be that close to the brother anyway.

Which completes my initial point, that maybe op's sibling doesn't want/care if said sibling attends wedding. Therefore no harm done , and they hav extra places for the guest list.

Nicki

tsstss7 wrote: »

Not quite fair - I'd know straight away I couldn't go either. My mum is the only person I could trust with LO's and she'd be at my brothers wedding too. my Mil might be willing but I doubt it - it's a big ask and they are getting on a bit.

People with kids generally know if they have someone who can babysit and how long for.

There is still no harm though in giving the impression you have tried your hardest surely? It's quite insulting to respond "no way" within a few hours of getting the invitation, even if you know that's going to be the end result.

As the bride and groom, I'd much prefer a nice note a few weeks after the heads up went out, saying I had explored all the possibilities but due to the date being so close to Christmas, I was unable to find anyone able to have the children, and I would be sorry to miss their day but hoped they had a fantastic say. Not a "not prepared even to try as your wedding isn't that important to me" email by return.

poet123

Any wrote: »

I am not sure I follow you here... If you want wedding as a family event, organise yours like that.

But don't expect everyone to have the same tastes as you.

My annoyance came from the part where you expect to teach your children how to behave at the brides account - ie at her wedding. Don't expect her to be happy with this as an argument either.

I don't expect everyone to have the same tastes as me, this is a forum I am giving my opinion as you are giving yours.

In my opinion a wedding is a family event, and the fact that so many appear to think that the Bride and Groom should be blinkered as to the needs of their guests, and close family, just serves to remind me of how society has changed, and not for the better.

Ah, I assume you mean at the bride's expense? not at all, if I thought my child wouldn't behave they wouldnt go, simple as.

However, in general children behave as they are allowed to behave, and learn from example, barring them from social occasions and restaurants does nothing to teach them how to behave.

POPPYOSCAR

I think some posters are taking some posts out of context here.

Most people are in agreement that it is the couples wedding and are perfectly entitled to have it on the day they want and who to invite etc.

But the OP by the same token is perfectly entitled to put her own family first and decline the invitation without being accused of not caring etc.

mumps

Torry_Quine wrote: »

My future MIL said she wouldn't come to our wedding if an uncle of his was invited. We said that he was definitely part of the family and if she didn't want to come that was her choice. She came of course.

On the other hand my brother insisted on inviting my ex when he got married. I said I wouldn't go and I didn't.

belfastgirl23

tsstss7 wrote: »

Not quite fair - I'd know straight away I couldn't go either. My mum is the only person I could trust with LO's and she'd be at my brothers wedding too. my Mil might be willing but I doubt it - it's a big ask and they are getting on a bit.

People with kids generally know if they have someone who can babysit and how long for.

Fair enough, but if I were OP and I didn't want to blackmail them to have it my way what I would do is say 'hurrah you're getting married' without making any commitments about going, then when the official invites come out let them know that sadly I can't make it. Doing it so far in advance is pretty obviously a stab at blackmailing them into getting her own way.

I also simply don't believe that there is no one at all who could look after the kids. And personally I reckon that it is the bride and groom's day, that it's hard enough for them negotiating between themselves and that everyone else should butt out....if the OP wants to cause aggro and distress this is certainly the way to go about it.

POPPYOSCAR

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Fair enough, but if I were OP and I didn't want to blackmail them to have it my way what I would do is say 'hurrah you're getting married' without making any commitments about going, then when the official invites come out let them know that sadly I can't make it. Doing it so far in advance is pretty obviously a stab at blackmailing them into getting her own way.

I also simply don't believe that there is no one at all who could look after the kids. And personally I reckon that it is the bride and groom's day, that it's hard enough for them negotiating between themselves and that everyone else should butt out....if the OP wants to cause aggro and distress this is certainly the way to go about it.

I don't agree with this.

The OP is being honest in telling them now. Why waste their time(and money) waiting for the official invitation.