OS Daily Monday 21st Feb

candygirl

redruby wrote: »

I dont mean to sound nasty about my mum , I know she has been through a terrible time, and has had to cope with more than us, but it is also mum who is cancelling all the help, and then asking sis and I to do everyting for her.

You're not sounding nasty at all hun:oYou must be going through hell:(:(

jackieglasgow

Maybe she is doing this deliberately (the cancelling the care and day centre) so that she doesn't have to care for your father at home? As hard as it is to even think about, some people just don't want to have their partners / spouse living at home if they aren't "themselves" any more. For some, they feel that they aren't well enough themselves to cope with it, and too afraid to even try, and others just don't think its their "job". Your mum sounds like she's just scared - with the falls and everything, maybe your father's mortality has become all to real for her and she's too frightened of the future and is just avoiding it

Molly41

redruby wrote: »

I dont mean to sound nasty about my mum , I know she has been through a terrible time, and has had to cope with more than us, but it is also mum who is cancelling all the help, and then asking sis and I to do everyting for her.

You are not being nasty about your mum. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation and she must be guilt ridden and grieving for what she has lost with your dad. That makes people behave very out of character.x

halight

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Maybe she is doing this deliberately (the cancelling the care and day centre) so that she doesn't have to care for your father at home? As hard as it is to even think about, some people just don't want to have their partners / spouse living at home if they aren't "themselves" any more. For some, they feel that they aren't well enough themselves to cope with it, and too afraid to even try, and others just don't think its their "job". Your mum sounds like she's just scared - with the falls and everything, maybe your father's mortality has become all to real for her and she's too frightened of the future and is just avoiding it

This post says it all really and is very true,

Such a hard time for all,
There is no right way to deal with this. Whatever you all end up doing you will always be thinking what if we had doen this. But as i say ther is no right orwronf way going forward you just have to do what you all fel is right for everybody.

You all might think that im a man so i dont really get it!!
But i do! There are loads of things that you all dont and never will know about me.
But i truly say and really mean that do get it!

There is no advice to give other than you need to do whats best for everyone and then live with that, It will be very hard, no easy way with dealing with any of this.


All the very best:A:A

silvermaid

Redruby

There is no advice to give other than you need to do whats best for everyone and then live with that, It will be very hard, no easy way with dealing with any of this.

So true.
Hugs, Silver x

sistercas

redruby sending you hugs and love xx

topsyturphy

Evening everyone

redruby - ((hugs)) it must be so difficult for you all.
Jackieo - hope the antibiotics work soon for you and you start to feel better.

Bitsy_Beans

redruby wrote: »

I dont mean to sound nasty about my mum , I know she has been through a terrible time, and has had to cope with more than us, but it is also mum who is cancelling all the help, and then asking sis and I to do everything for her.

I think there may be a lot of truth in what everyone says and I think it's time you had the truth from your mum as to why she's cancelling all the help you set up for her. Is it because se wants your dad in a home full time so she doesn't have to deal with it or because she can't abide the thought of outside help?
I really wish I was in a position to help you guys, it's an awful situation to be in, especially for your dad. Sending you lots of hugs my lovely xx

meanmarie

Hello everybody,

Have had children/grandchildren since Friday so have managed to read but not post each day...thanks for worrying about me JackieG, I'm fine, DD2 and 3 grand-daughters....her own 2 and DS's1...are having a sleepover with DD4 and DGS2...we were all at a party to-day for DGS1, who is 10 today.

JackieO...hugs

Ruby....hugs to you all, if your mum wants dad in a home full time she will have to make the decision, she is his next of kin. I know that it is very upsetting for you to see your dad so upset when you visit, but from what you say she is really the one I would be worried about, sounds as if she has totally lost the ability to cope, if your dad has been the one who made the decisions in their marriage she is possibly feeling totally lost and is, as JG has said afraid to now take over, the only solution she sees is to put him somewhere that she will not have to be responsible for him but where he will be safe. Spent 7 years dealing with invalid parents so know at least some of the problems involved. My thoughts are with you.

Haven't had to cook dinner for 3 days and still feel exhausted, hugs to all in need or want of one, welcome to newbies, sleep well all

Marie

jools27_2

REDRUBY- I know that when FIL was still at home, MIL was embarrased for "outsiders" to know what really went on, and that included OH and me, until she had breast cancer and she had to be honest! After that she only talked about it if a crisis occurred, like him wandering off etc, spent 4 hours searching for him one sunday evening, a neighbour found him "shaving" a shop shutter with his electric razor! She felt so guilty, she's a retired nurse and didn't want it to be thought she couldn't cope, and remained that way for a while after he went into care, although he became very wandersome and aggressive, mostly due to frustration I think as he couldn't communicate any more. OH was, and still is distraught at the outcome, but deep down we all knew it was for the best to keep them both safe. She can visit him whenever she wants, and the staff have become an extended family, for them especially, its still not easy but the best we can do. I hope whatever happens that you can all sort out what is best for both of them, but I know that the road may always be littered with what ifs. Big hugs!!!!!