new nanny how often visit the baby?

Torry_Quine

I must admit when I red the title I thought by nanny you meant as in someone who looks after children as a job! Either that or a goat. Have never heard of a grandmother called a nanny.

You need to give her time and space, this is a very precious time.

Nicki

Saint_Chris wrote: »

But i can't help the way i feel.

You can't help your initial instinctive reaction to the situation, but you can choose to hold on to that feeling, or to understand what things are like for your daughter at the moment and to let it go. Harbouring resentment and a grudge is not making you any happier at the moment. Try and be the bigger person, and take happiness from your daughter's obvious happiness at her new arrival. Don't let petty jealousy of her in laws stop either you or your husband from doing what you would otherwise have done. Your daughter may well be wondering why her dad has not found time to come and see her new baby and be feeling a little hurt about this herself!

Plans_all_plans

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Have never heard of a grandmother called a nanny.

Really? Wow, I've never called anyone 'grandma', it's always been 'nanny' or as I've got older, 'nan'. My DD calls my mum 'nanny' too. Most of my friend's have 'nans' rather than 'grandma's' too!

balletshoes

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I must admit when I red the title I thought by nanny you meant as in someone who looks after children as a job! Either that or a goat. Have never heard of a grandmother called a nanny.

You need to give her time and space, this is a very precious time.

oh goodness, i've heard nanny, granny, gran, grandma, nan, nana, gangan, and the notts lovelies of nanaaaaaah and mamaaaaaah (and sometimes even with an r on the end mamaaaaaahr )

POPPYOSCAR

Have you actually asked your daughter when it would be ok to pop over?

soupdragon10

Could you perhaps send her a text to arrange a specific time to go down - just say you and your DH would like to take some pics of her and the baby for the family album. Perhaps give her a couple of alternatives so that she doesn't feel pressured, but do stress how much you would love to see her daughter.

I'm sure she's not trying to trample over your feelings, as someone has said she may well be trying to build a better relationship with her in laws, as it sounds as though she already has a strong bond with you and your DH.

londonlass001

Congrats on your new granddaughter,

I feel for you in this situation. I'm sure in the lead up to the birth of your granddaughter, you imagined how it might be when the baby arrived and it sounds like it's not turned out like that for you. I think some people have been harsh. Yes perhaps some people may think it's wrong to feel like you do but as I understand it you've posted on here for advice/support and aren't burdening your daughter with these feelings, which I think is the best thing.

I understand the posters who have commented on how your daughter might be feeling as I'm a new mummy and her world has turned upside down. I've read so many posts on here and baby websites about new mummies feeling overwhelmed by the amount of visitors and the problems caused by grandparents who in their obvious eagerness to get to know the new baby forget just what it feels like when you have given birth. I wonder whether your daughter is finding it more difficult to be assertive with her in-laws about their visits? Alternatively does she perhaps interpret you standing back as disinterest (I doubt this but just an idea). I would, as others have suggested, send her a text just letting her know that you're there if she needs you. And I'm sure, once things all settle, you'll be able to enjoy lots of time with your daughter and granddaughter knowing that you respected what your daughter wanted.

Torry_Quine

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Really? Wow, I've never called anyone 'grandma', it's always been 'nanny' or as I've got older, 'nan'. My DD calls my mum 'nanny' too. Most of my friend's have 'nans' rather than 'grandma's' too!

It must be a regional thing. Have heard of grandma and granny or very occasionally nana though.

peachyprice

balletshoes wrote: »

you're maybe not aware, but if you're posting here what you're actually thinking and feeling, you do seem to be pitting yourself against the in-laws. If you and your husband choose not to visit/stay long because one of the in-law posse is there at the same time, all you're doing is cutting your nose off to spite your faces. Your daughter didn't say to her dad "don't come because i've got the in-laws" - your husband chose not to go. So if he's feeling put out by that, its down to him, no-one else. What do you suggest your daughter does - tell the inlaws to bog off? Honestly, they'll do that on their own in a week or so .

^^^^^^^^^^^

What she said!

You and your husband are choosing not to go/stay.

You said your DD has never really got on with her inlaws, perhaps she and them see this as an ideal opportunity to build bridges and get to know each other better. This doesn't mean there is no room for you, but it means you'll all have to try to rub along together.

You do sound jealous, I hope you DD isn't picking up on this in the way you are distancing yourselves.

POPPYOSCAR

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I must admit when I red the title I thought by nanny you meant as in someone who looks after children as a job! Either that or a goat. Have never heard of a grandmother called a nanny.

You need to give her time and space, this is a very precious time.

Where have you been then?

In my situation there are 3 Grandmothers, one is nanny, one is nan and the other granny.