new nanny how often visit the baby?

Poly,put_the_kettle_on

It's not a competition. However you may be feeling now is not the time to raise it. Let her know you're there for her if she needs you (she almost certainly will) and in time she'll come to appreciate it. She doesn't have the time at the moment to be worrying about treading on eggshells.

I had the opposite problem- I became a granny two months ago, and "dad", instead of manning up, walked out at the first sign of hard work. They moved in here for a while- and the notion of being able to hand baby back I was so looking forward to disappeared as I took on the role of "nandad."

Have faith in your daughter. Yes, it would be nice if you recieved the occasional text to let you know how things are- but at the end of the day it's her baby and she has no obligation to. Set aside the jealousy and I'm sure things will smooth over.

Supermom

I am very close to my mum and love having her around, however after the births of all my little ones all i wanted was for hubby/our kids and me to get to know baby on our own for those first few weeks without anyone else. We needed that time to get into a routine and with your first I think its so important to follow your own instinct and not have someone telling you how things should be done or just generally being there.

Did you see her 3 times a week before baby was born? If not then I can't see why you need to start going now, unless your daughter asks I would stay away.

Your the granny not the mum you need to back off a bit, your daughter is now the mummy so leave her to it unless she asks. I still blame my MIL for my terrible PND, the woman called day and night after my first was born, needed to know had baby pooped, slept etc. And when she wasen't calling she was sat on my doorstep every morning at nine and telling me everything I was doing was wrong she wouldn't be told times had changed. In the end the woman was cut off and now has no idea that we have had another 3 children.

Please tread carefully, and always remember her baby not yours.

And as for text messages???? please tell me you were joking

Supermom

I'm sorry didn't read all the messages (mine sounds really harsh now, sorry!!!)

Keep letting her know your there for her, all you can do at the moment.

balletshoes

Saint_Chris wrote: »

fine, he's a nice lad, but on wed when i went down i felt like a spare part.

We've bought them loads, cot, wardrobes, and the pram system is still here. His family have bought nothing. I know cost doesn't matter or come into it.

But each time before baby was born, i went down with stuff, nappies, wipes etc.

and none of this is your daughter's issue, you're dead right, it doesn't matter or come into it, and neither it should

I'm on facebook now and daughter is messaging people about the baby, i've not spoke to her since 3.00pm yesterday, and i would just have liked a message today when i was at work that said ' baby is fine she slept well, and is taking her bottles'

again, i wouldn't have even thought of texting my mum with that kind of info, i just wouldn't - but whats stopping you texting her/calling/facebook messaging her?

I just feel left out, hubby has not seen baby since she was born on sunday.

any particular reason for this?

Maybe i'm just being daft and stupid, but i can't put my finger on it, i dont' feel right.

its going to be an adjustment for all of you, just roll with it at the moment, its all brand new.

squoog

when you do get a chance to chat to your daughter, could you ask how things are going and that you know how difficult it can be if you are overwhelmed with visitors in the early days. she might open up and tell you that she hasn't been able to say no, or perhaps glad that his family are more interested than they have been before. If you have a good relationship, no one can replace that.
Do you text her? If you do send supportive messages and don't always expect a reply.

Martha1_2

Congratulations on your granduaghter, you must be very proud.

As a relatively new Mum (19th month old DD) I can remember those early days and to be honest with you at the moment I wouldn't mention to your daughter how hurt you are feeling - not with all her post-baby hormones flying around. My parents live 400 miles away from us, so it was 2 weeks before my Mum got to see DD and 6 weeks before my Dad met her, my in-laws who are local got to visit in the hospital and at home in those early days, so in hindsight my Mum probably felt left out too; however, as I speak to my Mum most days my Mum knows far more about DD than the other grandparents do. Like pp have said once all the visitors have been, i'm sure you'l be round there as much as your daughter needs you to. Maybe text her and mention that you and her Dad want to pop round for his first visit and to bring the pram down - you could offer to take the baby out for a walk just to give some your daughter a wee bit of time to herself.

tara747

I haven't read the whole way through but just wanted to say that if I had a baby, I would want my mum around as much as possible, so I'm sure she will appreciate your company xo

thorsoak

The thing is, this is your daughter's baby - not yours! She has to prove to herself that she can be as good a mum to her daughter as you were to her ....

Just be there for her ... button your lip for the moment, moan to your OH (and don't let him moan to anyone else either!) ...

Ask her if she needs you to get in supplies for the inlaws as you're aware that they've been round quite a bit - and would she like you to bring a meal with you when you come to see them all?

mountainofdebt

We lived equidistant from my mum and my in-laws but it was my mum who did most of the baby sitting when we needed a babysitter. No particular reason as I got on well with both in-laws.

jackieb

When my little ones were babies I saw my mum every day, and talked on the phone at least once, as well. My husband has always worked away from home so maybe we got into a different routine. Even my grandma used to come round every morning, just because she loved babies. I didn't mind. In fact I was glad to get someone to give me a hand! She has always been the same with my sister too - but not my brother. I think it's different with mothers and daughters. There's a saying - A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. My youngest is now 15 and I still see my mum almost every day, and if on the rare occasion we don't see each other, we're still on the phone. In fact if I go anywhere out of town, I phone her when I get home to let her know i'm home okay.