new nanny how often visit the baby?

Plans_all_plans

Maybe she knows you're there for her no matter what and wants to take the opportunity to build bridges with his family. The baby will bring everyone closer together: you're not being pushed out, she just knows in her heart that you'll always be on hand.

Added to this, her husband'll still be on paternity leave, so he'll be grateful to have his family making an effort too.

Don't take it personally, she needs some space now to find her feet.

Saint_Chris

fine, he's a nice lad, but on wed when i went down i felt like a spare part.

We've bought them loads, cot, wardrobes, and the pram system is still here. His family have bought nothing. I know cost doesn't matter or come into it.

But each time before baby was born, i went down with stuff, nappies, wipes etc.

I'm on facebook now and daughter is messaging people about the baby, i've not spoke to her since 3.00pm yesterday, and i would just have liked a message today when i was at work that said ' baby is fine she slept well, and is taking her bottles'

I just feel left out, hubby has not seen baby since she was born on sunday.

Maybe i'm just being daft and stupid, but i can't put my finger on it, i dont' feel right.

Nicki

Things will settle down again. If your daughter doesn't usually have a lot of contact with her inlaws, once the novelty of the baby has worn off, it'll be business as usual, and if you already have a close relationship with her, you'll soon be cuddling your new grandchild three times a week.

Try not to be hurt as I'm sure your daughter isn't trying to make you feel left out. She's probably far too busy with the baby to initiate texts - its far easier to reply to one coming in than to think about sending one unprompted. If you miss her texts, you could send her ones asking about the baby and I'm sure she'll respond. As for her paying more attention to the inlaws if she doesn't tend to see them a lot, she's probably more inclined to be polite and on best behaviour with them, whereas with you she knows she can be herself. Congratulate yourself that you are not plaguing her by sitting in her house drinking her dry of tea when she would probably far prefer to be napping after a disturbed night sleep. Given a choice between a relative who visited when my nights were disturbed by a newborn and left me without teabags for my morning cup, and one who quietly noticed I was out and replaced them for me, I know which I would appreciate more!

ellay864

Maybe she texts other people at the moment that she doesn't see as often as she sees you? If she knows she'll see you there's really less of a need to text. Ok so she texted a lot before but she didnt have a baby to look after then
I can understand why you feel hurt about his family getting more attention..is there a reason they've not seen so much of them (location, work, other commitments?) Maybe the baby has made his family realise they don't see enough of them. You havent said if baby is a boy or girl...it sounds daft, and personally I dont agree with it, but my FIL was desperate for me to have a boy as they had lots of grandaughters but only one grandson. I duly produced a boy and they were right in my face visiting me that evening...given it was an hours drive to the hospital I honestly dont think they'd have done that if I'd have a girl. If it is a boy it will be the grandson to carry on their family name which to some people is a really big deal.
Maybe try to have a quite word with your daughter...or maybe even her hubby if you're close enough to him. I'm sure she probably doesn't realise how you feel, she's used to you being around, and remember her hormones will be everywhere so be gentle about it! Offer to mind the baby next time she needs to pop to the shops and see what she says
Edit: sorry just seen you've referred to baby being a girl so ignore all that male line bit!!

GlasweJen

You feel left out because your daughter asked the babies other gran to babysit for a few hours and she's been invited out to a birthday that was planned before the baby was here and an elderly relative is coming to visit on Saturday?

I wouldn't tell your daughter this, she is probably knackered trying to keep it all together with arrangements she made before baby was here and trying to allow his family to see the baby. If you start trying to make her stretch herself more she will probably snap and tell you where to go, at least that's what I would do anyway.

And for the texts she received, probably from well wishers and not the baby police making sure that the baby has ate, slept and pooed!

POPPYOSCAR

Saint_Chris wrote: »

fine, he's a nice lad, but on wed when i went down i felt like a spare part.

We've bought them loads, cot, wardrobes, and the pram system is still here. His family have bought nothing. I know cost doesn't matter or come into it.

But each time before baby was born, i went down with stuff, nappies, wipes etc.

I'm on facebook now and daughter is messaging people about the baby, i've not spoke to her since 3.00pm yesterday, and i would just have liked a message today when i was at work that said ' baby is fine she slept well, and is taking her bottles'

I just feel left out, hubby has not seen baby since she was born on sunday.

Maybe i'm just being daft and stupid, but i can't put my finger on it, i dont' feel right.

Have you told your daughter how you feel? Perhaps she is just so busy and as you are always there for her she does not realise what is happening.

Sparklyfairy

I can imagine you may feel hurt...& I can imagine feeling similar to when my dd's have their children. But your daughter just had a baby & her head will be all over the place. She obviously loves having you in her life pre-baby & I'm sure that will return very soon. Give her some space, let her know that you're there for her to help clean, shop, whatever - but do not talk to her about these feelings you're having otherwise you're turning this into "your" issue & it really should be about her & the baby...please try to put your emotions to one side & things will get better..also get used to seeing the other in laws more often, too!

Blackpool_Saver

I too think that when Dad goes back to work things will change, hang in there, meanwhile send a text saying love to all .......

balletshoes

aw i'm sure its all just because its a new situation, new baby, like you said maybe her in-laws just think about coming to coo over the baby, but wouldn't think to help with the practical stuff. its good that she can ask her MIL to babysit, maybe its something as simple as she knows you're there for her so she doesn't feel the need to try so hard for you?

how about you text her, rather than waiting for a daily text from her? just a "how are you all doing today, anything you need" - this lets her know you're available and gives her the room to make arrangements with you.
You never know, she could have felt pressurised by the MIL while she was there cooing, to leave the baby with her.

The round of visiting/visitors with the new baby will tail off after about a fortnight, things will sette down, and I think you'll be fine and will find your natural place as great mum and lovely nanny .

Saint_Chris

thanks it was a baby girl.

Hubby feels a bit like me, a bit left out, with our work commitements we can only visit them certain times.

I'm probably being and feeling stupid, but you cant' help how you feel, and i didn't want to be a pushy nanny, but i feel like a left out nanny, as i've seen her for 2 hours since she was born on sunday, yet his mum, has been there everyday and they visited them today.

I don't want to have to say anything as it's a hard time being a parent for the 1st time, but i did hope for a bit more....probably being selfish.