spending and emotional issues

katebl

Hey everyone, you can count another emotional spender here (although I hope I am on my way to being cured...!).

Having never had much money when I was a child (and working since I was 15 to pay for the things teens want) as soon as I turned 18 and got offered credit I went crazy with it. Always feeling I wasn't good enough unless I had the most expensive clothes, the newest car, the best nights out, I was really kidding myself thinking these things made me happy. My parents would be horrified if they had known the mess I got myself into (at one point 20k+ of debt and only earning 2/3 of that a year!).

I didn't have a LBM as such but gradually realised I couldn't carry on the way I did (moving out contributed to that). Foxgloves post really resonated with me as I now have a budget I stick to as rigidly as I can and am finally making inroads into my debt and it feels good. I am paying off £260 p/m to clear a 0% card when it runs out in August - I have managed to keep an excellent credit history and never missed a payment even when I had 3 loans and 5 credit and store cards. I put £100 a month away for savings to buy birthday/xmas presents throughout the year so I am never caught short and lump some expensive last minute gift on the plastic.

It's such a nice feeling to be so in control of my finances, although I do kick myself for not getting sorted sooner - I will be debt free by approx. 30 which sucks really! I earn reasonable money but set myself a budget of £10 per day (this does include cigarettes ) so I know if I'm meeting friends one night I have to behave myself a couple of days in advance lol.

Byatt thanks for starting this thread, it's been great getting everyone's experiences so far. Oh and I am a bit of an overeater too but hoping to combat that by getting the zumba dvd's delivered tomorrow to burn off some misery pounds!

skyvicky123

Can I just add a "me too" to this thread. I both overeat and overspend, buying lots of little things which I think will make me feel better but never do really.

I had my LBM at the start of this month and have managed to really rein in the spending. My OH likes to spend too so it's not easy but it's pay day on Friday and it looks like I will have saved / raised £500 to clear off our joint debt which is a big motivator.

I still really struggle to stop buying though. I must have an obsessive nature because I am now exhausting myself with going "OS" cooking from scratch, shopping around at up to 5 supermarkets, going at different times of the day to get the yellow sticker stuff. This is all well and good while I can keep up with cooking and freezing the stuff but I worry at some point I will just crash with a fridge full of reduced stuff that I can't be bothered to cook and that will be me off the wagon for another 6 months!

I have to go into town tomorrow and have a massive urge to buy stuff (not food but make-up, clothes, books etc) I have £30 in my purse until Friday. I don't think I will be able to stop myself but I have made myself a deal to stick to a budget of £10 from charity shops and using advantage card points so it scratches my itch but minimises the cost of it. What do you think, am I just giving myself an excuse to spend when I should just say NO??

So reassuring to know that there are so many others like me out there. I don't know why I am this way, I don't even want to open that can of worms right now!

katebl

Sky vicky, your post made me chuckle - I got like that at first, replacing 'me' shopping with food shopping and going to 3 supermarkets a week for the bargains! Thankfully petrol prices (and working out the time I spent to save a few pence) meant I kind of got over that. It's exhausting!

skyvicky123

Yes it really is! I have started thinking about the petrol costs but OH is on fuel benefit at work so all fuel (inc. personal) is paid so I try and use his.

Think once this month is over I will have so many meals in the freezer I won't need to cook anything next month!

Seriously though I need to cut myself some slack. It's now at the point that I refuse to buy any meat, bread or veg which isn't seriously reduced! If I have too I feel swindled!

Little_bit_dizzy

syvicky - can you limit yourself to perhaps just 1 or 2 small purchases?? What about if you only took a tener with you?

bratz81

skyvicky123 I'm like you, payday on Friday and there's things I'm telling myself I 'need' and have to buy on Friday. I'm definitely going to be sleeping on it as I've no money til Friday! 15p, but all bills are paid and there's food in the house so I'm sorted enough.

I am getting better not spending on things I would have thought nothing of before. Helps that I'm getting married next year and we have to have up a certain amount each month to afford it

ceejaydee23

Ello, I too can relate to this in a big way, and I think My other half does too! Its not necessarily buying big stuff for me (it was for other half when he first met me) Even a quad bike !!!!!!! I think it was Feb 4th Things finally clicked for me, I went to a toddler group with a friend of mine, cos i couldnt face going on my own (has been the first thing id been to with my young son) and after Id said cheerio to her after the group, I just started crying realising what a Shell my life had become. I was living in my own little bubble, There arent many people round me i can TRUELY open up to, not face to face without getting an impartial view about things.

I felt I have had sooo much to cope with on my shoulders over the last few months, my own health issues, My Nan being terminally ill (its now almost a day to day thing we just dont know when it will all become too much for her) My mum moving away (not just a few miles up the road, but to the Isle of Wight)

We know we have been getting run down, cos we've been getting every bug and cough and cold going, and breaking out in spots too! The spending out on Take aways (cos i felt really tired and couldn't be bothered to cook, Or cos I wasnt feeling well) Just generally not looking after myself, MY hair having more grease on it, than the chips id eaten the night before! The lack of housework getting done! (not that being tidy has ever been my thing anyway)

Before having kids, I used to go out sooo regularly, But now its well never! mostly because we cant afford it! Or didnt think we could, We now have loads of Debts on top of the self inflicted ones. But its certainly been an eye opener as to HOW we (me and my other half) HAVE to combine our incomings, especially as I'm not working and He is. If I'm now strong enough to stop buying all the cakes and chocolate bars, not to mention the endless supply of crisps. My other half has since admitted he was starting to eat 3 bags of crisps a day!

My daughter is now away at her nans for half term, and I can use this time to give myself some proper ME time! As much as I love my daughter she has started becoming extremely hard work (I'm sure some of its hormones, But alot is attention seeking, especially since her brother was born). I hope to totally gut out her bedroom, as i'm now sooo fed up of seeing it as it is, (as i've kinda kept on top of the rest of the house, her room is kinda letting it all down now).

I'm fed up of these vicious circles biting my bum, its now time to stop them! It may now take longer then I planned, But I still Hope we can be debt Free by 2015! (will work out the sums soon, to see if It can be done)

skyvicky123

Little_bit_dizzy wrote: »

syvicky - can you limit yourself to perhaps just 1 or 2 small purchases?? What about if you only took a tener with you?

Hiya, yes that's what i going to do. Have set a £10 limit for myself. I have found that I am just as satisfied by this as I would be spending more.

bratz81 wrote: »

skyvicky123 I'm like you, payday on Friday and there's things I'm telling myself I 'need' and have to buy on Friday. I'm definitely going to be sleeping on it as I've no money til Friday! 15p, but all bills are paid and there's food in the house so I'm sorted enough.

I am getting better not spending on things I would have thought nothing of before. Helps that I'm getting married next year and we have to have up a certain amount each month to afford it

Hi Bratz - I think the hardest thing for me is knowing there's money there that isn't spent. I find myself justifying spending in my head (almost like bargaining with myself...sounds a bit weird I know!)

Congrats on the wedding! Bet it really does help to have the focus for any extra cash to go on.


I am proud of myself for raising an extra £150 on Ebay this month which is paying for my car service and dog to be neutered (he's in today poor thing!) ...must update signature!

Bringing the topic back to the whole emotional spending thing I had a long think about why i do this last night and it all comes back to self esteem - making myself look better, new clothes that will attract comments, giving myself "talking points" with people. I always have felt a bit boring and plain ever since I was a teenager really. It has got better since I had my DD as impressing others has become less important to me.

Sorry for the long post!

katsu

I'm really touched by what some people have posted here. I've been thinking of this thread as I've been reading a book I borrowed from the library - Spendsmart by Jay Hunt and Benjamin Fry http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0749929995/ref=asc_df_07499299952090644?smid=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&!!!!!googlecouk06-21&linkCode=asn&creative=22206&creativeASIN=0749929995. I thought some of the posters on this thread might find it useful reading as it does encourage you to consider the emotional reasons behind overspending.

My note of caution about the book would be that I don't think it is entirely accurate and robust in everything it says on financial matters (such as how it talks about bankrupcy compared to how it is described here, it seems to suggest only National Debtline can administer a DMP for you and that a DMP will definitely get interest frozen) so if you were going to follow the book I'd follow the principles around the thinking but check the financial advice here/on similar sites first.

I hope this is some help to someone.

skyvicky123

Thanks Katsu, I think you inspired me to get to the library today. I picked up a couple of books on frugal living but i forgot the title of the one you mentioned so will have another look on Thursday.

Managed to spend just £4 going round town today (plus parking I suppose), but spent a good couple of hours pottering about so in the end I felt my need to buy stuff was sufficiently satiated!