spending and emotional issues

Lipstick99

Thnak you for sharing.

You should do a SOA so that rhe experts here can point you in the right direction. The best things I have learned on here are
Everybody has good and bad days
Keep a spending diary
Only with draw cash once a week, do not just use debit cards
A slice of cake will not make you feel better and a bar of choc is not a reward
Start slowly, but start to save £2 coins, change etc and use that to make inroads into debts.
Making your own food is cheap and healthy comapred to shop bought.
Keep posting.... it really does help

secretshopper75

Good afternoon, sending you some positivity to keep going, it's hard isn't it and all too easy to just dip into an account/envelope..it's when the unexpected happens and you need that money that the downward spiral begins again...

Byatt

I have started the baby steps. I am unsubscribing from emails from the stores. And today, one store emailed me to say an item was out of stock and asked if I wanted a refund or order something else. At first I thought, oh, I'll order something else...but then a minute later I thought, NO...so have asked for a refund.

Diz, thanks again for your post and the explanation of LBM!! xx

SJ1, I have done the exact same thing when shopping for food. The envelope idea is good too, thank you. I NEED the visual.

blackeyes, thank you too. My mum was good with money, but as a result was very controlling. She didn't help me learn how to handle money when I was young. I'm not saying by any means this is all her fault, but the controlling nature she had didn't help. I hope you can reduce your debt. I know when I had £500 debt and though it was the end of the world, but that eventually spiralled out of control.

Lipstick99, I was just looking at the page for the SOA last night, and it will be really hard for me to do, but I will do it. Thanks also for the tips which are all good and I will use.

secretshopper75, I appreciate your positive thoughts. I also agree about the spiralling. (If I don't do something now, I am going to be destitute. )

stokelady

Its suprising how many people can relate to emotional spendin, I remember in my teens when I started earning my own money - I used to save and save and remember the great feelings when I used to count up how much I had saved always thriving to get to the next ten pound milestone !! Why cant I be like that now??? I want to save and love the feelin when you see it mounting up but I just can't ! All I can do is spend spend until every penny has gone !

I wake up every morning and the vey first thought that comes into my mind is money related !! How much is goin in or out of the bank, how much is in my purse etc etc This is a serious obsession I need to re-train my line of thought !!

Byatt

stokelady, I understand that feeling only too well. I know being like this has a serious effect on my well-being. And it occupies my thoughts constantly. I guess it is taking control and not letting it take control of us. Easier said than done, but I know now I have to beat this or I will be destitute.

PM me if you want to talk anytime.

(I'm female btw; my user name is ambiguous!)

xxx

CH27

Byatt have you considered having some Cogenative Behaviour Therapy(CTB) to look at changing how you view money & spending?
It focuses on distraction techniques & can be very helpful.

I allow myself a certain amount each week to spend in cash. I don't use credit or debit cards & I find when I have to hand over cash I think more carefully about what I am spending.

poorgirl-54

count me in two! im one of these who cannot stop spending.......
i seem to count down to pay day - every month, the money just never stretches enough

I was very good at saving and not spending, but then last year i met this guy, who was amazing at the time - but always commented that i didnt wear nice clothes/we should do more exciting things/eating out increased. To raise my self esteem and to kinda impress him, i started spending money which i didnt have and shoes, makeup and clothes, i spent more and more - i lost control of my outgoings and was consistently over my overdraft limits and credit cards bills were so high- and I ignored looking at for months.

Now he’s gone, and I have so many clothes/makeup/shoes- which I wasted an obscene amount of money for, I feel guilty and depressed. Paying off the overdue bills - i felt ashamed and idiot why i fell into that trap. I don’t blame him, I blame myself.

Im trying to not spend, everytime I go into a store- I get a high, I know its sad and I always buy things I don’t need, just to make myself happier, and when I come home I feel guilty.

I have started using this method if I like e.g. a dress, I will not buy it immediately. I give myself a time frame, a week or two, if I still want it or like it, after that time, and still looks as good then I will go back and purchase it. Most of the time, items I forgotten about or never look as good wen I go back in a week or two.

doors-2-door

Great article and comments here guys. Good work! well done

bratz81

This thread has really struck a chord with me, I'm exactly the same. Found myself nodding along to a lot of points and thinking, I do that, and that, and that.

I'm getting better now, one of my issues was anytime I went out with friends I paid, on a card if I had no money. I thought people wouldn't want to be my friend unless I 'bought' them, but have now realised this isn't the case.

I also spend money on clothes, or lipstick, or something that someone mentions, in the hope I'll look more attractive, or feel better about myself, but that feeling lasts for about 2 minutes then I feel guilty for spending on tat.

I don't spend on the cards really any more, and I've paid about 2.5k off one in a year. I have one with a small limit I do sometimes spend on, but I really am getting so much better, and trying to only spend what I have. I sometimes end up skint with 2 weeks to go to payday, but I just don't go out, or buy anything. Which is good, in that I'm not overspending, but bad in that I feel depressed and guilty and can't see my friends

blackEyes_2

i think i should add.. i do get "happy" too when i buy things in the hope it will be the miracle dress, t shirt... that will hide the extra weight i have put on, or make up.. i just love make up, and if i cant fix the body, i fix the face... or that's how i thing when clinique or Lancome got a promotion on.
Now, i get things, then arrive home and they are not what i thought they were( do not look nice, does not fit properly...etc), then i am packing things and ready to take them back and happy to get my money back. my town is only small i bet many sales assistants know, how quickly i change my mind, i have add that even tho i spend, i always looking for the cheapest thing, i can not spend £20 in a dress, jeans or the like... but happy to add a couple of £5 things that maybe all together would get 1 fabulous item but no, in my mind that's expensive.
I do have my wild moments, when i think "I" deserve something nice, and just buy, then feel bad again, cos it cost a lot ... recently send back some nine west boots and handbag, together with a pair of Clarks boots.
Anyway, i have given myself a budget of £17 a week, let's see how it goes...