spending and emotional issues

rugbychick81

Byatt ... this thread has opened my eyes. I had never linked my over-eating and excessive shopping ... maybe I need to think harder about why I am 'indulging' so much.

Hope all works out for you.

RecoveringAlcoholic

Reckless spending has been linked to bipolar disorder:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_health/mental_health/disorders_bipolar.shtml




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dollybeads

Hi Byatt and welcome

Just wanted to say that like you and the others on here, I overeat, overspend, obsess regularly about almost everything. I have done the counselling thing many times, and found it invaluable, although it is no quick fixe. The best thing I ever did for myself is to cut myself some slack from time to time, as dizzy says, we are human and accepting that you do the best you can, and sometimes mess up, is part of the deal.

I am guessing that you are a really kind person who thinks of others above yourself, you will know deep down that you are a good person, but from time to time, things are tough and we don't do so well. You have posted on here as you want to sort out your spending, that is a great step forward, i know for me, the very thought of anyone knowing the outcome of my spending was absolutely terrifying. But thanks to MSE and DFW in particular althought the landscape has hardly changed I have been able to make some significant changes to my spending habits, that I believe wil be long lasting. Cash only is invaluable for me, somehow parting with real money is so much more difficult. And I now always try and wait 24 hours before impulse spending, this has been a close call on some occasions, but if you can just wait, its surprising how you don't need those "essential" things.

Be kind to yourself, try to celebrate small successes, whatever they are. I find the small pats on backs i get from online posters works a treat for me.

Have a relaxing night, and take care Dolly x

tlc123_2

Hi there
I suffer with depression and am also a compulsive spender. I'm not using depression as an excuse, but spending money makes me feel better. Hence I'm now in a whole heap of debt? Sorry if I've missed the answer to this, but have you seen a gp? My medication really helps and I also had cognitive behavioural therapy last year which was the best thing I ever did - it helps you to rationalise things and be less obsessive. may help
T

Liquorice_Twirls

I think that learning "self-soothing" techniques could be a way to help anyone who copes with their emotions through destructive/addictive behaviours (it's a bit of a strange phrase, but I thought I better put it in case anyone wants to google for more information).

This article gives a sort of broad outline:
http://www.lvrj.com/living/56171867.html

Here are some examples of self-soothing techniques, though there are loads more online. I guess you need to find ones that suit you:
http://www.psyke.org/coping/self_soothing/

The practice of mindfulness (a form of non-religious meditation) can be useful in helping you become more aware of what is going on in your mind and body and may give you a starting point in changing your behaviour. There are classes for mindfulness practice and you wouldn't necessarily need to go to many sessions to get enough information to start practicing mindfulness. This is a link that sort of describes mindfulness, but there are loads of resources online, including some free mindful meditations:
http://www.addictioninfo.org/articles/2844/1/Addiction-Triggers-Urges-and-Using-Mindfulness-and-Urge-Surfing/Page1.html

It is harder to do this alone and so if you can see a counsellor or someone else to help you work out what is going on you may get more insight.

I think it's great that you've made the link between how you feel and how you behave, it's a really good start. I hope that you can make some progress in working out a way of being able to make different choices.

Byatt

Thank you all for your kind responses. I will respond more tomorrow. Having admitted this problem, I feel drained. But you have all helped and I want to read all posts when I'm a little less stressed. xxx

tlc123_2

It's exhaustng. Pop back on tomorrow and hopefuly we can help
x t x

Pink-Angel

Byatt wrote: »

Before I spill my heart out, is it appropriate to talk about "emotional spending?" here?

By that, I mean spending which is the result/cause of depression; impulsive; obsessive spending, resulting in debt.

Or do I need help from another source? :o

Hi there,

I think that emotional spending is a bit factor in many people's problems. It was a big factor in my debts - buying new things made me feel better about myself and more attractive. Although that feeling didn't last long, and soon I had buy something to get the feeling back. I don't overeat though and never have. In fact, I often have people make nasty comments made to me because I'm slim, which affects my self esteem because I can't help being the size I am. My issues stem back to some bad experiences at a young age, and low self esteem.

Since having my LBM and realising how bad my debts have become (I've just satrted a DMP) I've stopped spending and realised that actually buying things doesn't really make me feel better, and that whether or not I have a new top doesn't change the kind of person I am. I'm on the list at my GP surgery for some counselling to talk about self esteem, as I think that is the root of my problem. I now avoid shopping, other than essentials, and don't even go window shopping. I've turned down shopping trips with friends because a) I don't need anything, and b) I don't have any money so what is the point in wandering around a shopping centre?

Things aren't easy, but I feel better than I have done for a long.

Counselling is denfintely worth a try, if you haven't thought of it already.

dollybeads

Hi Byatt

Just wanted to pop in this morning and wish you a better day today. Hope things are looking a bit better this morning for you.

Take care of yourself.

Dolly x

secretshopper75

Byatt, hope that you're feeling a little better this morning.