spending and emotional issues

Byatt

Before I spill my heart out, is it appropriate to talk about "emotional spending?" here?

By that, I mean spending which is the result/cause of depression; impulsive; obsessive spending, resulting in debt.

Or do I need help from another source? :o

MFWannabe

I think you've definitely come to the right place. There are probably plenty of other people here who have been / are going through exactly the same thing. Don't worry if you don't get many replies yet; it usually gets busier here in the evenings

stokelady

your definately in the right place !

I have a problem with money fullstop.

When I have money I cant wait to spend it and when ive got none Im counting the days until I get some!!

I overeat & over spend Im sure its all emotionally related!

How do you feel when you are spending etc ??

Little_bit_dizzy

I can relate to emotional spending (and emotional eating too!). You are in the right place...

secretshopper75

Byatt, I too can relate to emotional spending, that's what got me into this situation in the first place..trying to make up for what I couldn't have

Byatt

Thank you for your quick replies.

I know where m issues come from (childhood), but knowing doesn't stop me. When I am stressed, I am worse. I have gone through periods when I manage much better.

How do I feel when I am spending? I feel really good even when I know I will be getting into debt. There is a "rush" which seems to fill the hole. I have obsessions. Currently sales on Christmas decorations!!:o

I now have plenty of Christmas lights and no money!!

I only have a small overdraft facility, but am always overdrawn. No-one suffers except me. I usually buy for other people.

I have a DMP for debt relating to my divorce. I lost my home when my ex left as he paid nothing towards the mortgage for 2+ years. I am a carer for my daughter. I am now in private renting.

I hate that I lose control. I do overeat too. Each month I say I will start being careful, and then I'm not. I lurch from week to week, wondering how I will cope.

Why don't I cope better?

It seems like I always have to get rid of the money I have. I do pay my bills and so on and rely on no-one else, but I want to save; I want to be prudent. I want to stop spending.

I feel pathetic.

Byatt

secretshopper75 wrote: »

Byatt, I too can relate to emotional spending, that's what got me into this situation in the first place..trying to make up for what I couldn't have

I understand that totally.

My life has been ruined by this compulsion.

Why does knowing it, not stop me?

stokelady

I can completely relate to you, If I have money I have to spend till ebery penny has gone, I really dont know what the answer is, I was thinking of councelling but im sure its not one for the doctor, so I dont know where to start !

Id love for someone to have complete control over my finances for me and give me pocket money on a regular basis, but I dont have anyone I could ask, is this something you could possibly consider to help you??

Byatt

stokelady wrote: »

I can completely relate to you, If I have money I have to spend till ebery penny has gone, I really dont know what the answer is, I was thinking of councelling but im sure its not one for the doctor, so I dont know where to start !

Id love for someone to have complete control over my finances for me and give me pocket money on a regular basis, but I dont have anyone I could ask, is this something you could possibly consider to help you??

It's awful isn't ?

I have had a lot of counselling although not specifically dealing with my spending. I thought if my "issues" were dealt with, I'd get better generally, but that's not really happened except for short periods. Plus I am so ashamed, I can't discuss it. It has taken a lot for me to even post here.

One thing I have remembered is that when ex left, I had to use cash rather than cards (debit)...and I was much better at NOT spending as most of m buying is impulse/stress related. I intended not to use a card when I got back on my feet, but I did start using the card quite quickly. At first I said to myself it was convenience and later well, it was a habit again.

So, I guess I could try the cash only thing. Has anyone else found that worked?

Thanks again for all your responses.

destroyerofdebt2011

Pocket money is the way to go. i take out on pay day wot i have to spare for the rest of the month usually as little as £75 for food, toiletries cleaning bits and entertainment. (im a cheap date) it goes in my special tin and once its gone its gone then its baked beans and egg on toast again.

everything else is bills and debt repayments :eek:

needless to say id love to be able to treat myself to a new top or some nice bubble bath:( but sometimes u just have to be strict needless to say its not helping my general emotional state not sure if its the lack of cash or being stuck in a job that doesnt value anything i do.

Little_bit_dizzy

Byatt wrote: »

Why don't I cope better?

It seems like I always have to get rid of the money I have. I do pay my bills and so on and rely on no-one else, but I want to save; I want to be prudent. I want to stop spending.

I feel pathetic.

Byatt, you are far from pathetic. Identifying the problem (which you have done) is a huge hurdle to get over so well done for getting that far. Secondly, posting here and talking about the issue also takes courage so well done again.

Are you still able to see the counsellor to discuss this apect of your life? It may help them piece together a fuller picture and help you further if you do.

Failing that, I always find aiming to be good 'this month' is just too much for me. I have to do it in little chunks. (My thing is internet shopping so it's available 24/7!)

Why not start by aiming for two days at a time without splurging in the first instatnce? If you get tempted, apply the 20 minute rule (works with emotional eating too!): If I still want to buy more fairy lights / a sparkly tutu / eat a slice of chocolate cake / you own scenario, then I will, but I'll wait 20 minutes. Invariably i find that 20 minutes later the munchies are forgotten or the uber-cool jeans don't look quite so uber-cool...

And if you have a pear-shaped day (the fairy lights jumped in the trolley / chocolate cake in your mouth) don't think 'well, I've blown it now so sod it, I'll buy more / eat more' just accept that it was just a hic-cup and they do happen, they are allowed from time to time, we are all only human

You have been through a lot by the sounds of things so you are clearly far from pathetic, think about everything you ave achieved and ovecome rather than the negatives.

Sorry if that all sounded a bit lecture-ish Diz x