spending and emotional issues

chevalier

whilst i don't have this issue I can sympathise with it, as I have the oppostie problem I don't spend any money on clothes for myself. My clothes don't suit me and make me feel awful, yet I won't buy new till my old are worn out. I am slowly breaking myself of this habit though, as I want to go back to work, and I have nothing to go to an interview in currenty!:eek:

I believe you can be addicted to spending in much the same way people are addicted to alcohol

People have said
' it is the first thing I think about'
'I get such a rush'
'I think it will make me feel better but it doesn't'
'I feel so guilty afterwards'

All of this could have just as easily been written about any other addiction. So be kind to yourself. People drink, take drugs, gamble to forget about their problems for a little while. Other people shop. suddenly NOT shopping IS going to be a shock to the system. You need to find coping strategies to deal with it, just like someone withdrawing from say gambling would. So keeping busy, go for a walk to get away from the temptation of internet shopping (will also help your mood if you exercise), etc.

So I don't think seeing your Dr about the emotions feeding your shopping is a bad thing
good luck to all of you with breaking tthe cycle
chev

cattyboo

Hi Byatt (and all that followed),

Looks like you've already got lots of helpful responses, just wanted to add myself to the "I'm cattyboo and I'm an emotional spender" list. Seriously it's such a hard thing to admit to so hats off to you for sharing. It's something I've only just started dealing with after being completely out of control for years. Whenever the going got tough I went shopping, I can totally relate to process of knowing you shouldn't do it but doing it anyway, getting a rush and then feeling guilty and panicky. I dread to think how much I've wasted over the years. I'm an emotional eater too and have quite an unhealthy attitude to food as well as money, the two seems to go hand in hand a lot of the time.

TBH I feel this is something that's going to take me a long time to properly get over, others on here have likened it to an addiction (I agree) so it's a clearly going to be hard thing to conquer, but having identified the problem I'm much more aware of what I'm doing now and what I'm feeling. That's the first step, learning to deal with it will come in all the remaining steps, bit by bit, I've just got to keep moving. Coming here is probably the best thing I could have done.

I hope you'll stick around and walk to a better place with the rest of us Thanks again for starting the thread,

Love C xxx

Byatt

CH27, I have just started CBT for depression/anxiety, but it's early days. However, interesting that I have at last admitted that I have a problem (addiction) since I started. Maybe coincidence, but maybe not.

poorgirl-54, it's interesting that so many of us have triggers which seem heavily related to low self esteem and being too concerned how others' perceive us. I had a very similar experience, but my ex was cheating on me (with several women as I later found out), just a year after we had our daughter. So I spent money to try and "keep" him...some on new clothes, but mostly to appear as if I was really good at making the money go a long way. Plus I'd stopped work, money was less. My confidence was at an all time low.

brtaz81, I am trying not to use the card now. The card is my downfall. And seems a lot of us cope better when we have cash instead. It's a catch 22 situation about spending and seeing friends. I have started to let friends know I cannot afford what they can. I don't want people to feel sorry for me; I just don't want to spend more than I can afford anymore.

Byatt

blackEyes, I'm the same! When I make myself "sleep on it" I either have forgotten what I wanted or I look and think, why was it so important, almost life and death, to buy it last night?! Good luck with the £17 budget!

chevalier, I absolutely agree with you!! It is an addiction with the same withdrawal symptoms. And the same devastation. It has taken its toll on my health as the stress I have been under for years has made me very ill.

cattyboo, thanks. It is going to take me a long time too. I will stick around. I come here every day right now for encouragement (by reading) and motivation. I have started the process. Baby steps.

Little_bit_dizzy

Sounds like you are dong really well Byatt. Le us all know how the CBT goes.

Personally I have had a really tough couple of days emotionally but as yet, have avoided spending - I just need to get through a day or two more...

Take good care of yourself x

Byatt

Thanks dizzy.

I spoke to my counsellor yesterday and brought up about my spending, and it opened a floodgate of feelings and memories. I was really shocked.

I checked my receipt from Mr T after my shopping and have found at least 2 errors, where I have been charged more than I should! Kind of scary thinking about all the receipts I haven't checked.

It is difficult and it is tougher when the emotional rollercoaster is on a dip. Thank you for your support.

time4help

there are lots of ways to emotionally spend.

my problem for many years has been gambling and spending too much when i go out , i have looked for all the excuses under the sun , i have tourettes which is closely linked to lots of ocds etc etc i have seen doctors counsellors tried medicines etc during this time i have lost a fiancee a house and friends, i am now married and have a little boy and am in the process of starting a dmp have closed my internet accounts and installed a device on my laptop which blocks all gambling sites even the national lottery.

but emotions definitly play a part , i had been very good for almost a year when my dad was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumour which was unoperable, i had to watch him slowly deterioate over the months ending up changing his nappy not even sure if he knew who i was, that pushed me right to the edge and i spent spent spent..... but i have now decided enoughs enough and am trying to get my life in order as i know he will still be looking down on me.

but always try and get as much help as possible whether its professional or friends .

MessyMare

I have this problem too...though mine is also linked to boredom. I overeat terribly and I always make light of it, saying I can either control my spending or my eating, but not both at the same time. The real thought in my head for a long time has been trying to make the decision between being broke or fat...and now I'm both. I need to kick this all into touch, and have a plan for next payday (I've only just got enough in my bank account to cover my loan payment so no use starting now, just have to try not to spend until then).

I do have to say, the only times I've felt in control of my life were when I was participating actively on this forum...I hope all turns out well for you xx

Little_bit_dizzy

ColleenPamela wrote: »

I do have to say, the only times I've felt in control of my life were when I was participating actively on this forum...I hope all turns out well for you xx

I can second what ColleenPamela says. Using the forums and this site, makes me feel a little more in control too.

Hope you're having a better today Byatt...

ali-t

ColleenPamela wrote: »

The real thought in my head for a long time has been trying to make the decision between being broke or fat...and now I'm both.

That reminded me of something I read on this forum a while back where someone was talking about their overeating and had a lightbulb moment where they realised they had eaten a deposit for a house in takeaways, wine and chocolate. It struck a chord with me too