My partner has spent our savings!

jak

True...
I'll post tomorrow and let you know what happens.

Penny-Pincher!!

It all seems very odd behaviour to me and I certainly wouldnt be rushing into a relationship, let alone marriage with anyonw who had deliberately lied and stolen behind my back.

How long have you known this guy? Do you REALLY know him

PP
xx

jak

Well to give you guys an update, we had a huge talk last night. He said he spent the money thinking he could get it back before the wedding and we could still pay for it! He spent the money on rubbish, frittered away every week and then there was nothing left, was scared to tell me the full extent.

We have agreed:
To keep money books so he can see where it goes
to have £10 per week each to spend
Sell everything not nailed down
He will talk to me when he can't manage his money
He will give me all his money every month and i'll be in charge until he can be trusted.
We have set a challenge: Whoever can get the most money by the end of each month by: 1. saving spending money 2. any other work 3. Spare change clubs etc. 4. tips (him) 5. Selling stuff
His extra money goes into our savings (VIA ME)
My extra money goes on my credit card debt

After a certain amount of time when I feel he's ready I will give him a bit more responsibility- under my watchful eye of course.

He was in tears when I got in, and I honestly think if this can be lesson learnt then we are at least on our way to a better financial future, lets face it i've learnt a few financial lessons the hard way too! Not that it excuses him, but if he can prove himself then we may by ok!

Bambam

Well done, Jak. You have at least, come up with a plan. It's now up to you both to make sure it works. Good on ya!

beer2006

That sounds great, glad it all went well. Some people just need for someone else to be in charge of the money I guess

TallGirl

Wel done Jak, it must have been hard but money is what breaks most people up and in particullarry not talking about money enough.

I think you have done the first step but I would be careful not to take too much responsibility away from him or he will never learn. Like the Visa get him to look up how it can be sorted out and then do it. Maybe he could use the money he saves up to pay for it.

Surely he would want a better job which would in the long run help your future being more secure.
Good luck

jak

Thanks guys. I'm obviously still feeling a bit delicate about the whole thing but hopefully we'll be ablt to stick to the plan and re-think the way we live. Frugal is the new cool! I'm seeing how long I can make a chicken last. 4 meals so far plus a plan for soup tonight. Bit bored of chicken but every little helps! Thanks again.
J
x

mrslawrence2003

glad that you have got a solid plan in place and that you are both committed to it. as others have said - money can be such a huge issue in a relationship and it's terrible when a relationship full of love falls apart because issues with money and finances. i wish you and your OH the best of luck for the future. in a way it's good that this has happened as this is perhaps the first major test of your relationship and you are both pulling together to get through it rather than falling apart. this should give you much hope for the future.

let us know how you guys get on!

GreyPilgrim

I look after the saving and bill bits at home because my wife acknowledges that my nerdy obsessive love of spreadsheets is suited to the task (I'm confident in saying I'm probably the most nerdy and obsessive spreadsheet user on the board, but I'm open to a challenge on that ). She knows I get a nerdy pleasure from it all and is happy to humour me.

I know she trusts me completely with the money we're saving but at the same time I make it a point of making everything transparent and showing her regularly where all of the money is going so that she's well aware of it and can question it at any time. Maybe when you get things moving you can show you OH where the money is and what the financial state is week on week, so that he appreciates the benefit?

I'm just worried that from your point of view you've had you're lightbulb moment and it's all clear to you now. If he's agreeing with you because you're upset and is making all of these promises, then he's not really had his personal lightbulb moment...he's maybe just humouring you. I'm not having a go at him, I just know that if someone forced me to start changing my financial habits before I really bought into the idea I would resist like hell (and probably spend more!!).

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink is what I'm trying to say I guess. I really sympathise with you, but at the same time I see a reflection of myself in your partner so I feel for him too. Hope it all works out.

jak

That's a good idea. I do worry that he doesn't really understand. I'll take him through the finances every week/month when things go out so he cna see where the money goes. Good idea. I'll add it to the plan!!!
Thanks