My partner has spent our savings!

jak

Having a bad week. I'm in debt, my partner has none (from NZ and can't get credit yet, thank god!). We pool our money and pay bills etc. He was responsible for saving the 250 in his halifax regular saver every month to pay for our wedding. He told me last night that he hasn't been doing it and has spent it. Not all but most. Will find out today what's left. We had to save £3000 to pay for our share of the wedding by June. It's all booked. Am gutted! He doesn't even have anything to show for it! We have to pay the £3000 anyway now as we've signed everything and are legally bound! It's a nightmare!

quantumleap

Not sure what to say. Sounds like a very difficult situation which raises relationship issues as well as financial ones.

How can we help? Clearly you're partner has a problem, just how big a problem is he/she in? How are you're own debts?

Again, let us know how we can help?

immoral_angeluk

What??? oh my god you poor thing! If that was my fiance I would be questioning whether I could trust him enough to marry him! Sounds extreme but if he could lie to you about that what else could he lie about??

jak

Thanks, he has no idea about money, i'm trying to get out of my debt which totals £7789, I figured out how to clear it by August 2007 just in time for the wedding but now we have to find another load of money and it's awful. I've had to think about whether I can trust him, obviously I can't so we've decided he'll keep a money book and write down everything he spends. He had no debts but his attitude to money...has no idea of the value of anything! I just wanted a bit of support really, not sure if anyone can do anything to help...

jak

I've thought about that, but I do feel it's just money he's lied about. He wouldn't do anything else. Money has always been an issue and I told him last night that I can't marry him unless he proves he can sort this out and be responsible with money and keep his promises.

Bambam

Are you getting married in June? If so you only have about 7 months in which your partner can prove to you that you can trust him. Its an awfully short time to prove himself, considering what he's done. Are you still going to trust him to save the £250 each month? I hope everything works out for you.

jak

We get married at the end of August but we have to pay for the reception in June. I'm not going to trust him to save. I'm going to put it away myself out of our money. If he can budget and manage to claw some of the money back then I will let him put that in the savings himself. I'm not sure what to do with him re:savings/money really. I don't want to take all his money off him and give him pocket money, he's a grown man. I don't know what to do!

rjm2k1

What did he spend it on?, unless you can get control of that, he'll do the same again. What is the cancellation policy for the venue, June is a long way off, maybe you could cancel that venue and come up with something cheaper.

Bambam

jak wrote:

We get married at the end of August but we have to pay for the reception in June. I'm not going to trust him to save. I'm going to put it away myself out of our money. If he can budget and manage to claw some of the money back then I will let him put that in the savings himself. I'm not sure what to do with him re:savings/money really. I don't want to take all his money off him and give him pocket money, he's a grown man. I don't know what to do!

Jak - you need to sort it out now otherwise it will cause problems in the marriage. Have a really good heart to heart tonight and tell him how upset and 'let down' you feel. Maybe promise never to mention this incident again when he's proven himself.

I have always dealt with the finances in our household so my husband has 'pocket money' each week - but he's more than happy to do that because he knows I budget well with our money and bills are always paid the day we receive them. However, if you were to take your partner's money off him purely because you don't trust him, I can't see that working. Finances are usually a big issue in a marriage, so try and sort it out for both your sakes. Good luck

jak

I asked him what he spent it on, but he just frittered it away on DVD's and crap. He kept taking me out and I kept asking him how he could afford it. He said he'd sold his bond (he used to get duty free and work and sell that) and so I believed him. He said we needed it! But I do the bills and we didn't at ALL!
We've paid £600 already and if we cancel we're liable for another £1000 so it's a bit pointless really. Plus I love the place and why should I not have the wedding I want becasue he's a pillock!
How can I get control of what he's spending on? Any ideas?

quantumleap

In terms of controlling what he is spending - you can't unless he is willing to allow you. If it were me I would set up a joint account if you don't already have one. I would insist he set up some direct debits so that he pays in each month to that joint account what he is supposed to. Then you'll be able to check it and he will not (unless he cancels the DD) be able to spend it on anything else. What is left is his.

If he isn't prepared to commit to an agreement such as this then I would be questioning my future with him to be honest.