My partner has spent our savings!

duncans-mum_2

Sorry, I am being a bit thick here. Did he just NOT put £250 in a month like he should have done, or has he actually been drawing money out of the savings account? One is a mistake the other is downright inconsiderate. Either way if you love him then I'm sure this can be worked out, but I do feel you need to have a serious talk to him about why etc, and see what he can come up with to help claw the money back. You must be very hurt, as I think anyone would be but if he isn't too great with money, he may not have really understood what the consequences were, or kept tabs on what he was spending. Most of us know how easily money can slip through your fingers if you are not taking control of your spending. At least he has told you now, and not on May 31st may when you wouldn;t have any chance of salvaging the situation.

Good luck.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

jak wrote:

It's all gone. £1500. Oh my god. I'm not surprised which is scary. Feeling very sorry for myself now!

I think you need to see sight of the bank statements to make sense of where the money went and to examine is spending patterns. This way you know what to look out for the future. The best way to control finances as a couple I find is to open three Accounts. One for YOU, one for HIM and one for the JOINT household bills. Every month a certain amount is taken from your accounts and put into the joint account to pay the bills, what ever is in your individual accounts is for you both to spend, once its gone its gone, I would even go so far as to open an E-Savings account, anything left in the household account is then swept into this account for savings that can't be touched. Hopefully doing it this way will make him responsible for the little money that's left in his account.

My husband is also useless with money, if I'd known that before we were married, I'd still have married him:p , your lucky, at least you have found out beforehand!!

Anyway ask to see the statements, your can't begin to repair the damage until you really know have bad it is.

Good Luck

AMD

Acc72

Hi Jak,

Sorry to be boring ...... you mention that you have existing debts of £7,798 (plus £3,000 for your wedding).

I know it is not very romantic, but financially speaking you should really work to clear existing debts before committing to new debts that are really unnecessary (i.e. you don't need to get married next year).

From what you have said about your entertainment spends, there looks to be some potential to cut costs.

I am alsways surprised by friends who "haven't got any money" yet have good cars, holidays, sky tv, go out regularly for meals etc......


I hope this doesn't sound like a lecture (sincere apologies if it does !!).

Good luck whatever you decide.

mrslawrence2003

goodness what a nightmare for you. if i'm being honest, and i found out my partner had been doing that, i would have serious doubts about marrying him. it's not the money - its that fact that he would have been knowingly, willingly and continually lying to me for 6 months. not only does that destroy the trust in the relationship, but it also clearly shows that he has a huge lack of respect for you.

yes it was nice of him to take you out - but this could be more likely to alleviate his feelings of guilt at spending the rest on himself. it would also allow himself to feel better as it would justify his actions. (i'm spending the money on both of us so i've no need to feel guilty.......)

i do firmly believe that if you love each other - you can get through anything. but u must work it through and make sure resentment doesnt creep in. i would strongly suggest placing the burden firmly on him to recoup the money himself, thus giving him a chance to prove that he is really sorry for lying to you, and also allowing him to prove that he does really want to marry you and have this big wedding. if he has to take a 2nd job, so be it. if he has to sell prized possessions - then do it. just owning up and then saying sorry and selling a few dvds IMHO is not going to make you feel that much better, and is not giving him the chance to show you he's serious.

jak

The problem is he is restricted with work as he's from NZ and can't get a work permit yet. Very hard and complicated. I don't know what i'll do. Before, my debts would've been paid off by August 1st. just before the wedding with the funds in place to pay for it in savings. He cancelled the direct debit to the savings and then spent what was in there. I didn't notice him spending the money as we weren't watching our funds very carefully. More fool me, I guess. I did ask him about it a few times but he said it was money he'd made extra by selling his bond (duty free from work- he worked on the ferries in the summer)

GreyPilgrim

ceegee wrote:

Sorry to appear harsh, but if I were you I would be seriously reconsidering marrying him. This really does not look to be a good foundation for marriage. Where is the honesty, openness, trust? Cut your losses now, whilst you can.

Wow, thats incredibly harsh. I admit I'd be livid and run around the house screaming and beating walls in the situation, but to suggest dumoping him and calling off the marriage? Sure it seems like he's totally useless with money, is irresponsible, shows no regard for for personal finances, no concept of saving, no thought to the future...but doesn't that sound really familiar? The fact we're discussing this on a forum for people who are in debt suggest that we all might have been guilty of that? My head was in the sand till I got my lightbulb moment. I'm sure if you're honest yours was too.

jak

that's true. I guess I need to try and re-educate him. I might show him this thread so he can see that the situation is serious and hopefully light a bulb of his own! It's just frustrating because he's truely crap with money and has no concept of how much this has set us back.

jak

At least he can't get credit! I can't imagine the mess we'd be in then!

climbgirl

jak wrote:

The problem is he is restricted with work as he's from NZ and can't get a work permit yet. Very hard and complicated.

How long has he been in the country for and what visa is he on? Sorry if this seems too personal, but I'm from NZ as well and I know the visa system inside and out! Unless he's here as a visitor (they let you in for 3 months), then there's no reason he can't work without restriction as he's most likely on either a working holiday visa or ancestry.

If he is here as a visitor, you'll need to sort out a visa fast if he's planning on staying. I don't think you can apply from within the UK either, you've got to have one before you arrive. So he'll have to leave and apply from Europe or even back in NZ. The marriage thing is an issue as well, you can't be married within 3 months of the end of your visa (they think you're doing it for the passport then!), so take that into consideration with your dates.

climbgirl

jak wrote:

At least he can't get credit! I can't imagine the mess we'd be in then!

Yes, I was going to suggest ways he can get credit if he's newly arrived (they'll give you a mobile contract with a letter from your employer for example), but perhaps best not to under these circumstances