My partner has spent our savings!

xela_17

AMILLIONDOLLARS wrote:

What was his excuse for cancelling the standing order? This seems odd to me!

Seems odd to me too. Cancelling a standing order is a deliberate action to stop paying the money in. Spending money you shouldn't accidentally is one thing. Deliberately stopping paying money in is quite another.

jak

I know, I just can't believe he did it. It wasn't out of malice, but stupidity. I'm feeling a bit confused about what to do. I love him and want to marry him.
He was the one who insisted on a ig wedding, not me.

jak

He said we needed the money, but he can't tell me what it went on. I just can't understand it. we went out a bit but not loads and he didn't buy aanything much clothes wise. A few DVD's and drinks and meals out, but £1500 is a lot to spend in 6 months on top of his income which is substantial. Well...it was substantial, now he's working in apub and earning sod all- allgoes on bills anyway. Don't see how we can possibly re-coup.
Bloody so depressed about everything.

TallGirl

Just read your thread and I really do feel for you. I think the visa thing needs to be sorted out and I think he has to do it for himself.

It might sound harsh but can't you send him back to New Zealand to sort it out and while he is down there earn some money. Sorry did not mean to be patronising.

mrslawrence2003

jak wrote:

He said we needed the money, but he can't tell me what it went on. I just can't understand it. we went out a bit but not loads and he didn't buy aanything much clothes wise. A few DVD's and drinks and meals out, but £1500 is a lot to spend in 6 months on top of his income which is substantial. Well...it was substantial, now he's working in apub and earning sod all- allgoes on bills anyway. Don't see how we can possibly re-coup.
Bloody so depressed about everything.

sounds to me like there might be a problem such as gambling / drink / drugs etc. that would drive him to take unreasonable action such as stealing from you......

some of your comments make him sound a little bit stupid - like he doesnt know what he spent it on and he 'accidentally' spent £1,500. you might accidentally spend £20 or even £50 - but £1,500?????? something really is not right - seems he's still lying to you about what's going on, and thus still has little respect for you.

jak

I know it seems daft but what can i do? He won't/can't tell me what it went on or doesn't know! I know it sounds stupid but I don't know what to believe.
Nothing at the moment as he hasn't really told me anything, thinking about it.
I'll have a talk to him when I get home and beat the answers out of him if I have to!!! (Not really, although it's tempting!)

climbgirl

Oh come on, I think some people are jumping to a few wild conculsions here, suggesting drug and gambling problems! The OP has said her partner thinks it went on a few dvds here, nights out. I'd say it was very, very easy to fritter away £1500 over 6 months - it's probably the reason why a lot of people who are on this board are here in the first place. With debts of a much higher amount than £1500. Like Grey Pilgrim said, everyone buried their heads in the sand before their light-bulb moment, let's not all rush to judge this guy.

It's up to the OP what course of action she decides to take, but I think both parties need to get themselves clear on money and how it's handled before you get married. If he's rubbish with money like you say, then maybe you need to be in charge of the finances. Whatever works for you guys.

If it was me in this situation, I'd sit him down and have a long hard chat about him sorting out his priorities - if he wants a big wedding, he has to realise where the money comes from. Be very wary about getting joint accounts, whatever you decide to do!

Get him out earning as much as you can, check out the gumtree for those cash jobs while he's sorting his visa. I know pub jobs don't pay all that well, so anything he can do to supplement it would be useful!

jak

I wouldn't get a joint account, last time I did that with a guy he !!!!!!ed off leaving me £3000 in bills I finished paying them off last month. Obviously a pattern forming..no he's not that bad. Thanks Climbgirl, I was starting to feel utterly miserable. You are right, we've all been thre I guess. Many (like me) still are.
x

climbgirl

Don't be miserable jak, if he's anything like the other Antips I know then he's come over, had a good time and forgotten about how damn expensive London can be. He's probably still thinking in NZ dollars!

This is definitely salvagble, you guys just need to have a good talk about your priorities and get things sorted moneywise. He'll soon realise how serious you are about this.

ZTD

climbgirl wrote:

Don't be miserable jak, if he's anything like the other Antips I know then he's come over, had a good time and forgotten about how damn expensive London can be. He's probably still thinking in NZ dollars!

To be frank - in this case it's not the amount that was spent, but the manner in which it was obtained for spending.

He cancelled the standing order - this shows planning and forethought.
He told the OP he'd sold a bond - to construct a cover story for the additional spending.

Tell me again how thinking in NZ dollars makes you do these things.