My partner has spent our savings!

Bambam

If he's happy for you to control the household finances and you are happy to do it, then go with that option. But how is he going to prove to you that you can trust him? Maybe allow him to save some of the money but give the majority of it to you (at least you know you will have something towards the deposit)

lynzpower

If I was in your shoes, Id start selling literally everytng he owned with or wthout his consent. if he has a car Id sell that, cds, clothes, you name it. Why should he take your money and spend it? Its just not acceptable.

Have you been savng for tbe wedding on your own, ie you paying odff 250 a month, whats he been saving? Im staggered he doesnt understand the importance of payng it off in june. Maybe he could get second job or something to make the money bakc?

oops_a_daisy

quantumleap wrote:

In terms of controlling what he is spending - you can't unless he is willing to allow you. If it were me I would set up a joint account if you don't already have one. I would insist he set up some direct debits so that he pays in each month to that joint account what he is supposed to. Then you'll be able to check it and he will not (unless he cancels the DD) be able to spend it on anything else. What is left is his.

If he isn't prepared to commit to an agreement such as this then I would be questioning my future with him to be honest.

I wouldnt advise you set up a joint account with him - if he doesnt pay into it you will be held liable ( been there, done that, got the T shirt and had to pay the debt ).
Sorry but I think you need to sit down and talk to him about this and how he is going to repay the money he took from your joint savings.
All the best and good luck - OOPS

mrs_deadline

There could be another side to this than purely the money crisis, or rather what he's done might be his (subconscious) way of telling you something: he wants to live a little now, as well as clearing debts, saving for a wedding, etc.

You say he's quite relaxed and not materialistic - those are good qualities in this mad world, not be trampled on! Could it be that it makes him unhappy, seeing you under pressure to clear your debt? Maybe little gestures like taking you out are an attempt to bring a little joy into things here and now?

jak

Thanks guys, i'll talk with him tonight and try and sort something out. Maybe i could ask him to do some of the saving. BUT not all. I guess i''l have to be in charge of the money, always have been really anyway. I'll just have to give him a small amount every month/week for him to buy stuff with. I'm selling every DVD he own, you can be damn sure!!!!!!

lauren_1

If he as my fiancee he would be in A&E geting his gonads re-attached

lauren_1

Yes i am literally beating the truth out of OH, when i found out about the loan my youngest was only a week old or so

Broken_hearted

Maybe he doesn't want the big wedding, have you asked him what he wants. You need to sort things out long before you get married.

ceegee

Sorry to appear harsh, but if I were you I would be seriously reconsidering marrying him. This really does not look to be a good foundation for marriage. Where is the honesty, openness, trust? Cut your losses now, whilst you can.

The_Pink_Wafer

We're human, mistakes happen.

I would be seriously angry with your fiancee, but could it be he really doesn't have a clue about money? You said he was treating you by taking you out, that sounds to me like he just wanted to treat you nicely and went about it the complete wrong way.

Do you love him? I'm guessing you do. Don't cancel the wedding over this (unless you're merely putting it back) it sounds to me like he just made a blip, albeit a very large one.

Don't set up a joint account with him, but do tell him you will be monitoring his spending from now on. Give him pocket money until you feel he can be trusted with money again. I'm sure he'll understand where you are coming from. Also tell him you need money for the wedding and to sort out stuff for you to ebay. My guess is that he'll help you out there- a lot.

Good luck, you must be so stressed out.