MSE Pregnancy Club 21

Charlie1978

I think you've handled it well Dusty. I don't think i'd have handled it so well if someone shoved a 'i've bought you this and that' back in my face. I'd send the lot back round or give her the cash and tell her to burger off tbh. I hate people throwing things back into your face! :mad:

And as for wanting time alone - I can see where you are coming from. It is the conversation I am going to have to have I think with my sister because she turns up now out of the blue without texting or what not and I find that rude! I mean, her coming round isn't a problem unless i'm sat around half undressed or half asleep. As has been the case at times! I don't want anyone at the hospital on the first day of bubs born except maybe the kids and of course OH. Anyone else can sod off until i've at least got the catheter out!

ema_o

((hugs twinny))

I think what you have said is perfectly fair and I agree it needed to be said and sorted out before the birth, I thought your birth plan was fab but was a bit worried about you when you said they might need to drag your mum away...

Nanna will have plenty of opportunities to bond with bubs, but the most important people straight after having baby are you, baby and OH. TBH it sounds like she is being a bit selfish not accepting that you need time on your own.

Having said that it might be hard to leave once baby arrives after being there with you at the hospital, I'm sure she won't but maybe acknowledge this and say if she'd rather not be there at all then you'd be happy without her.

I've been debating having my mum there too, but have settled on having her as backup for OH just in case things take a long time / there are problems, so I think you're being quite generous having yours there in the first place. However perhaps she doesn't see it like this and thinks you've asked her as you won't cope without her, but then you want her to leave for the enjoyable bit.

dustystar02

Thanks ladies, I kinda knew I wasn't being unreasonable but she makes me feel so guilty (often without realising). I know she only has me in the world, (no OH, no other family other than an alcoholic sister and a mum that does her nut in) and so I feel like I need to invole her in things.

I will be relying on her once baby is here but I want to decide when and for how much. she will be our main babysitter which I thought she would like but she makes it seem that I can't have it all one sided and I haev to include her in everything if I want her to babysit too.

If I didn't have an OH then course things would be different but I do and I need to consider his feelings. He has already said he worries about how long she is planning on moving in for once bubs is here (he is being sarcastic but I'm sure it has crossed her mind).

Plus he has his family too and I don;t want his mum to be seeing my mum every time she comes round - his mum is much better at backing off - she already has loads of grandkids.

Anyway, my mum has replied (ignoring the majority of my comments) and saying how she was taking a week off to help me out when bubs is first here. I replied saying i didn;t expect her too and again I will ask her for her help as and when I need it and I most certainly wont be needing her every day.

hopefully she get s the message - not sure how more blunt I can be

ETA - congrats on the scan SS, did you find out the flavour (sorry if anready mentioned and I missed it)

Apricot

Aw Dusty it's difficult isn't it? My mum is being ok with everything I want tbh but MIL is another story - the thing is I don't want to spend my baby's first few weeks worrying about what other people want (who wants to visit etc) it's a precious time so at least if you set the groundrules now when the time comes it hopefully won't be so difficult for her.
Perhaps it would be worth mentioning that your OH will be off for a while when bubs is born (Im assuming) so why doesn't she take a week off a little bit later on as you don't want your DH to feel pushed out at all and you will probably need more help when he is back in work? She might see that in a more positive light IYSWIM?

Back in work - in case you couldn't tell. I was literally outside my front door and boss rang me asking how long I was going to be as there are two jobs to send out for next week - sending those two jobs out took me less than 5 mins, she could have quite easily done it herself but now Im stuck here until she deigns to let me leave!

dustystar02

Apricot wrote: »

the thing is I don't want to spend my baby's first few weeks worrying about what other people want (who wants to visit etc)

EXACTLY - I wish she would see that

Perhaps it would be worth mentioning that your OH will be off for a while when bubs is born (Im assuming) so why doesn't she take a week off a little bit later on as you don't want your DH to feel pushed out at all and you will probably need more help when he is back in work? She might see that in a more positive light IYSWIM?

He is and she knows this - I think she is expecting to work and come round every night after (i've said no) - she will then take the week after off (when OH is back in work). I said I'll let her know if I need her that week.

Back in work - in case you couldn't tell. I was literally outside my front door and boss rang me asking how long I was going to be as there are two jobs to send out for next week - sending those two jobs out took me less than 5 mins, she could have quite easily done it herself but now Im stuck here until she deigns to let me leave!

[/QUOTE]

Rubbish boss! - I hate people who think you are skiving cos you are PG (even tho I do lol!). It's a friday !!!!!! - can she not cut you a bit of slack????

SusanC_2

dustystar02 wrote: »

I will be relying on her once baby is here but I want to decide when and for how much. she will be our main babysitter which I thought she would like but she makes it seem that I can't have it all one sided and I haev to include her in everything if I want her to babysit too.

My in-laws looked after Alice for the first time in January (they wanted to visit and it happened to fit in well with a long appointment I had) and they considered us to be doing them a favour. They were actually thanking us for letting them do it when they left.

They regularly travel over an hour to babysit for their other grandchild (who was born last July) and certainly don't demand anything in return. They do do it to help out but they also do it because they want to spend time with their grandchild.

Apricot

dustystar02 wrote: »

Rubbish boss! - I hate people who think you are skiving cos you are PG (even tho I do lol!). It's a friday !!!!!! - can she not cut you a bit of slack????

That's the thing before I was pregnant she never would have asked me to come back considering I finish at 3.30 on a Friday and had done everything bar that little job that would have taken her 5 mins - so I don't even have anything to do now :mad:

I don't know what else to advise about your mum except - maybe if she does come around every night tell her you and the baby are going for a nap and leave her with OH :rotfl:she'll soon get bored!

dustystar02

Thanks susan and Apricot - I'll see how it goes with my mum, i've told her now and hopefully set a few groundrules so if I need to tell her again to back off once bubs is here it shouldn't be too much of a shock.

Apricot - at least your home and dry in 10 mins I'm here for another 90 mins and all I have to show for my day is numerous emails back and forth to my mum and a lot of posts on here lol!

SmlSave

Glad baby is OK SS, did you get a pic? My 20 week one was carp as bubs was facing towards us, and I think he moved as she pressed 'print'

I got pictures digitial but can't get them to show up on here *grrrrr* One of them looks like the grim reapers in my stomach as it shows the skull really well

Teenie_D

Apricot wrote: »

Perhaps it would be worth mentioning that your OH will be off for a while when bubs is born (Im assuming) so why doesn't she take a week off a little bit later on as you don't want your DH to feel pushed out at all and you will probably need more help when he is back in work? She might see that in a more positive light IYSWIM?

This is what I was going to suggest actually, the first couple of weeks will fly by and it would be more benenficial probably to you to have her help you out when you OH goes back to work.