Advice please

sarah*a

JoJoB wrote: »

She has a few months before the major stage of her a levels -so let her know now and give her the opportunity to process the facts before she has to concentrate on her exams. Or else the worst cae scenario is that reality is broken to her right in the midst of everything by facebook idiots!

Like now?

Js_Other_Half wrote: »

I think that since her external exams are happening NOW (assume you are in Scotland) then leaving it until they are finished is probably for the best.

We are in the Midlands and DD is halfway through hers. TBH I hadn't realised that wasn't the same for everyone which is why I suggested earlier that she wait until they were over.

Forthebetter wrote: »

I thought so too but the majority think now is best, I want to do what is right for her, not me it's not about me in any way just how best to approach and support her.

And the majority on here - who have never met you or your daughter - are going to sway you from doing what you feel is best for your DD? Brings it back to the old saying 'if everyone jumped off a bridge would you?'

I would still wait until after exams are done with - on top of everything else you don't want her to turn around at 25, still living at home, unemployed and blame you because 'you made me fail my GCSE's - you should have known better'.

But thats just MY opinion - you know your daughter better than anyone and will have a fair idea of how she reacts to things - she might be the type to put it to one side herself and deal with it later or she might be a terminal worrier.

:cool:

Forthebetter

I keep replying and deleting....

Best to just say thanks for the advice and the time that you have all put into your replies.

I think there is no text book answer and am going to let my dd lead and I will follow.

Jinx

I think you should wait until after her exams if you're only talking a week.....

I just wanted to add, although I totally agree with him supporting his daughter if he wants to be involved in her life - I think I would let it ride for just a little while. IMO many men who are not that commited to their child stay involved because they pay maintenance and although legally maintenance and contact are not linked (not that you can force a 16 yr old to do anything lol) I think that in their head it is......

Tish_P

Of course, you should make sure her bio-dad knows that he is still responsible for financially supporting his daughter after she turns 16 if she's in full time education. I think it's only enforceable while she's in further ed (eg still at school doing A levels) rather than higher ed, but I may be wrong. If he's as much of a git as he sounds, that'll get rid of him for another few years. If he's a good guy hoping to make amends, even better - this gives him an obvious first step.

pupsicola

How has your daughter seemed since getting that message on facebook? The thing is at 16, if that had happened to me, I wouldn't have believed my mum if she had said what you did in response to it. I dont mean that in a nasty way its just that I would really have questioned it. It isn't the kind of thing people joke about or mess around saying, even on fb.

She sounds like a bright kid. This is probably playing on her mind and could be distracting her at a time when she just needs to focus on her mock gcse exams. I think you are wise to maybe wait till half term. I wouldn't leave it longer than that though. I wish you luck with this, I am sure it will be a very hard thing to do.

CallaLily

You should tell your daughter the truth about her biological dad as it does not sound like he is going to go away and it would be better coming from you than her "Dad" who is a stranger to her. She will probably be very hurt that it was kept from her but hopefully she will understand.

We had to go through the same thing with my youngest sister who was 4 when my Dad walked away from us and 18 when he suddenly decided he wanted his children back :mad:.